Determined. To Be…

…a runner, a sister, a lover…living a fit and happy life.


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File under: Sunday randoms.

I have so much swirling in my brain and sometimes I just gotta lay it out there, whether or not it makes sense, or is all that disclosive.

File under: secrets

It’s no secret that I am marrying M. It *is* a secret when. And it’s kinda starting to kill me because there is so much I want to share, but at the same time? I can’t wait to unveil it (no pun intended!) when it actually does happen.  I just need to sear the details into my brain, or into a draft post for later, yes? I just stare into M’s eyes every so often and think “I can’t wait to be his wife.” and just feel so blessed and excited and happy. And it makes the road from ‘there’ to ‘here’ more than worth it. MORE than worth it. <3 Gah…<3

File under: operation MOVE!

We’re in countdown mode, folks! ONE more weekend living in this apartment, and less than TWO weeks until we move. It’s just crazy to me. We are surrounded by boxes (40 by my count and more to come!), we’re finalizing details for painters, and movers, and utilities and mail forwarding and it’s starting to feel so real. I cannot believe we will be homeowners. I cannot believe we will be building the next stage of our lives together so so soon. I cannot believe it is finally happening. <3

File under: ouchie-like-whoa

Yesterday, we, at barre n9ne studio, FINALLY got to experience POUND, training for 8 hours yesterday, with lots of sweat, lots of excitement and…lots of pain. holy OW do I hurt today.  I feel muscles I didn’t realize I had (who knew your hands and wrists could hurt so much from gripping weighted drumsticks aka ripsticks could HURT so badly the next day!), I have struggled to sit down on the couch, and never mind trying to get off the couch or get out of the car, I practically need a walker! Suuuuch pain and soreness, but soooo worth it! As my sister documented in her post, yesterday was the first step towards our bringing this fantastic, unique and supremely bada** workout to the studio and it’s going to be an amazing complement to barre (and running!).

File under: when ‘roughhousing’ with kitties goes awry.

As some of you may have already seen on instagram, one of my kitties, my beloved Nala, injured herself last Sunday. What, you ask? You see, M and Nala play ‘toss the kitty’ and love to rough house, and well, let’s just say that went slightly awry last Sunday, when she landed on the bed wrong and immediately limped away. Upon vet visit on Monday morning (worried kitty mom like whoa!), my Nala had a torn ligament in her right knee…also known as a torn ACL. Can you believe it? My Nals now walks with a limp and seems pretty good beyond that limp, but note to M: be careful ;-) (he felt soooo bad, he’s been babying her ever since!)

So there ya have it, a few thoughts on this Sunday. I haven’t written much lately…in part due to ‘file under: secrets’ and in part due to ‘file under: operation MOVE!’ but, I figure it’s worth a lil update with what’s shaking up in here ;-) Now, back to hobbling through the rest of this Sunday Funday ;-)


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Oh, the blends I have met!

As I was lamenting on how I wish I was going to the BLEND Retreat, I started counting up just how many blends I have met over the years and how fortunate I feel to have met SO many! I thought it would be fun to go down ‘memory lane’ and share that very list here. These blends (blogger +friend= blend!) span everyone from fellow divorcees, to fellow daters (online and such!), to fit and fab, to any and all of the above. These blends are truly some of the friends that ‘get’ me most of all, that mirror me to a “T” in some cases, who have turned into some of my closest friends, and even, some that live closeby and I get to SEE them (relatively) often - the cherry on top, doncha think?

A trip down memory lane…oh, the blends I have met! (in no particular order!)

the amazing Lindsay Cotter - a beautiful soul, to say the least! (cottercrunch)

the amazing Lindsay Cotter – a beautiful soul, to say the least! (cottercrunch)

Momma Sunshine, Canadian Bald Guy, T! This was the most epic bloggy meetup in Maine EVER!

Momma Sunshine, Canadian Bald Guy, T! This was the most epic bloggy meetup in Maine EVER!

This picture cracks me up - also from the epic Maine bloggy meetup, Twister FTW!

This picture cracks me up – also from the epic Maine bloggy meetup, Twister FTW!

Meeting Lee (In my Tummy) a year ago this week, actually. SUCH fun (we met at a Digital Summit social media event, how fun!)

Meeting Lee (In my Tummy) a year ago this week, actually. SUCH fun (we met at a Digital Summit social media event, how fun!)
Tina Reale also happens to live near Lee, so I ALSO got to meet this beautiful soul (and AGAIN this year at the Chicago Marathon!)

Tina Reale also happens to live near Lee, so I ALSO got to meet this beautiful soul (and AGAIN this year at the Chicago Marathon!)

Marisa from the Immature Matron - she is such an intrinsic soul, and has turned into a good friend, too.

Marisa from the Immature Matron – she is such an intrinsic soul, and has turned into a good friend, too.

Meeting Shannon first at BISC in 2010 (??) to being honored to attend her wedding in October 2012 in Playa del Carmen. Love you friend!

Meeting Shannon first at BISC in 2010 (??) to being honored to attend her wedding in October 2012 in Playa del Carmen. Love you friend!

Meeting (again!) with Tina and Chelsey (Clean Eating Chelsy) at the Chicago Marathon - so fab!!

Meeting (again!) with Tina and Chelsey (Clean Eating Chelsy) at the Chicago Marathon – so fab!!

Meaghan, my beautiful kindred spirit, who lives not 10 mins away. We have so many similarities from our pasts, it's almost scary. <3

Meaghan, my beautiful kindred spirit, who lives not 10 mins away. We have so many similarities from our pasts, it’s almost scary. <3

BISC 2010 - blast from the past, much? Akirah, Shannon, and me!

BISC 2010 – blast from the past, much? Akirah, Shannon, and me!

Also from BISC? Meeting Erika (newlyweds on a budget), and fun fact? I get to see HER quite often as she lives in the same areas as my work!)

Also from BISC? Meeting Erika (newlyweds on a budget), and fun fact? I get to see HER quite often as she lives in the same areas as my work!)

For a second time? Heather!! SUCH a long time coming, and time flew by! (not pictured: Dorry! LOVED that surprise meet-up!!)

For a second time? Heather!! SUCH a long time coming, and time flew by! (not pictured: Dorry! LOVED that surprise meet-up!!)

Whew, I swear there are some that I am missing, but after scouring pictures, that is all I seem to have! (that is quite the list though already!)

Not pictured but met:

Amanda! BEST fact ever about our meeting? I got home from our coffee date and M proposed to me not an hour later…how’s that for an epic meet-up, and one we need to do again VERY soon!! Hell, if that happened when we met last time, can you imagine what would happen this time?!

Also from my weekend in Chicago? Snarkbutt Divorced (blog now defunct), MyHeartHasHope, IntrigueMe, NYSoonerGirl, and for a third time? Shannon! The best weekend of meetups ever! (oh and a kind of sort of meet up? I saw her running the Chicago Marathon but we didn’t get to actually chat, sad face! Heather!)

I do believe INRIS was one of the first bloggers I met! Great great guy :)

LiveLoveRunYoga - LOVE her, she’s awesome, AND another local!! :)

These Happy Miles – another fab local runner! we still have yet to meet up again, but we must…barre and running ;-)

Westford Mommy – yet ANOTHER local fab runner! She came to barre n9ne once, which was so much fun!! Also needs to happen again :)

Poise in Parma – gah, another fabulous meet-up – her brother lives in Boston, and it was suuuuch a fun meetup with Jess (somewhat!) recently. Redo needed :)

Adding all of these up, it’s kind of crazy how many I have met, and how many I *still* want to meet. So SO many. I am fortunate I have a job that has taken me to many locations where I have blends in, so I have been able to meet so many that way. And I have my bucket list of blends I still am dying to meet (Sarena, Spabettie, Christine, Naomi, Rachel - this one is in the works, must happen!, City Girl, Booshy (fun fact! I was in her town and we didn’t get to meet up in the 24 hours I was there but she left me a gift at my hotel. sweetest.thing.ever and the list goes ooooonn and onnn!)

Have you met a blend before? Do you have any on your list you would love to meet? And if you have met a blend before, doesn’t it almost feel like a blind date at first? ;-)  


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FEF: 5 things I won’t miss about moving.

It’s FEF this week, folks (finally effing Friday, for those that haven’t read these funny posts before. Hehe). And on this gorgeous Friday morning, where honestly, the week treated me pretty well (totally embracing being home this week since I was initially supposed to travel to Vegas for all of a hot second, but that got canceled, yay!).

But as we collect boxes and begin getting serious (in mode: GSD aka get sh*t done!) about packing for our move that is just about 3 weeks away (wheeee! ahhhhh! yayyyy!), it occurred to me there there are a few things I won’t miss about moving for this apartment that we’ve lived in together for almost two years.

I won’t miss, um, moving. No, really, I won’t. I’ve moved four times in the last four years and I am all SET with moving right about now. From the boxes, to the upheaval to routine, to the mess that just naturally comes with moving (sh*t everywhere, trying to figure out what to keep, what to toss, and what to pack and when to pack WHAT). This move, though, signifies more than just the end of this streak of constant moving, but the start of where our story continues, and in that sense? I am embracing moving and all the sh*t that entails as much as possible.

I won’t miss lugging groceries up three flights of stairs. It never fails – I go to the store for ‘two things’ and come home with 5 bags, and 5 heavy bags at that (including a whole watermelon, kabocha squash, two seltzers and a bunch of cat food) and naturally want to carry all of that, plus my giant iced coffee in one trip. I attempt it, swear at myself as the bags dig into my arms as I teeter up the stairs trying not to drop anything, then try to unlock the door without putting anything down (why I can’t just put the bags down, I have no idea…or make two freaking trips up the stairs!), struggle to unlock the door, half unlock it, doesn’t open, and then have to try again, all whilst swearing at myself and hoping no bag breaks and my coffee doesn’t spill everywhere, only to drag everything into the hallway, where one bag proceeds to break (thankfully just the bag broke, and it didn’t include any seltzer that would then splatter everywhere!).  I typically tend to ‘time’ grocery shopping trips for when M will begrudging go with me, and then *he* tries to be the groceries hero and bring about 20 bags up those three flights of stairs. Nothing short of comical….and sweaty, every.single.time.

I won’t miss paying rent. When I first moved into an apartment, it was my first apartment ever. I had lived at college, but moved home after, and then moved right into a house when I got married the first time (I feel fortunate that I was able to do that – not live in apartments for the last 10ish years!). So this was my first experience paying rent and that feeling of ‘oh, this money is going nowehere’ feeling every single month, vs. a mortgage, where you are at least paying FOR something you get to ultimately keep ;-)

I won’t miss our tiny pantry. While I admit that this is the first time I have HAD a pantry, it’s almost useless as it is super narrow, and horribly organized (if you can even call it organized). I probably say this because I eye the big walk-in pantry we will have at our new house and will soon become wayyyyy too used to having it. (I admit that will feel super spoiling!)

I won’t miss highway noise. Our complex is set against a golf course, which is quite pretty, but behind that is a major highway. I don’t mind a little road noise, I find it comforting, in a way, but with all the windows open in the spring and summer, it is almost ALL you can hear, especially at night. Nothing more romantic, or awakening, too, than a loud Mac truck rumbling down the highway at 2 am ;-)

This post is really meant to be funny, more than anything, and in jest, as honestly, this apartment has treated us very well over the years. You notice I did not say noisy neighbors, annoying complex management or random fees etc., because there just hasn’t been any issues while living here. It’s been quiet, private and really the best ‘next step’ towards a house  that we could ask for. It’ll be surreal to move and leave this home, but at the same time? So very exciting, I can hardly contain myself. Blessed.

Cheers friends, happy weekend.


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Run-imations: run-volutions.

I haven’t done a ‘run-imnations’ (ruminations – get it, I’m so punny…) post in awhile and on the last handful of runs I’ve had, I’ve really thought about my ‘run-volution’ of sorts over the past few months in particular.

Coming back from a bit of an ITBS injury that kept me not running for almost two months and slowly coming back into my regular runs (3-4 days a week), I am amazed at how differently I run now. Not only physically run, but mentally, too.

It’s no secret that I am a mental runner. I am almost always fighting being too in-my-head, fearing a bad run, stressing over steady breathing, a side cramp, anything that would inhibit a good run.

But now?

If I start to head down that path, I ask myself “are my legs ok?” The answer is almost ALWAYS ‘yes.’ And it’s mental. My legs feel happy, strong, NOT tired, so why am I worrying?

Run on.

I used to mentally add up how many miles I was running per week and aim for XX miles, adding too much emphasis and importance on a number than just having a good run.

But now?

I don’t run in miles. I run in minutes. (a la Lindsay, who does this oh so well and inspiring!) And I run happily whether it’s 30 minutes, 45, an hour, or more.

Run on.

I used to panic when I start breathing weird, or just struggle with breathing, depending on the air conditions (too cold, or too humid are typically my vices!) and get mad if I needed to walk it out.

But now?

I will stop and walk a few minutes to even out my breathing and – this is the key – not label the run bad because I had to stop. M is constantly reminding me of this when I try to call a run bad if I stop and walk it off, and tell me that we are ‘just running’ – it’s okay if we stop, we are just enjoying the run and the time together. Yes, yes, he is so right. Every time I try to venture down that path. (side note: M truly IS my run-sherpa and lately, I have realized that more and more, I am so grateful that we do almost all of our runs together each week, it truly is a special time and I adore every minute of it!)

Run on.

I used to want to ‘run happy’ and actually BE happy when I was running. And more often than not, I’d find myself in my head, struggling, breathing wrong and well…unhappy.

But now?

I run happy almost always because I am SO happy to be running, to not be sidelined with an injury, and now, to be running outside, fresh air, working hard with that ‘legs feeling worked’ oh so good feeling, and sweat dripping down my face. THAT is happy running.

And it is something that I don’t think I ever truly achieved before I couldn’t run.

It’s amazing what an injury can do, no matter how big or small that injury or recovery is.

And today, as M and I finished our run and I almost run into someone running in our direction – because I was SO letting go and just running, I didn’t even notice – that never would have happened before!! – I thought ‘that was a tough run’ but instead of a frown, I was smiling. A tough, but GOOD run. A happy run.

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On travels…and wow, this is really happening.

I came back from our whirlwind Northern and Southern California travels and kind of didn’t know which end was up!

From wine tastings, fabulous dinners and even a little sun, to a long-awaited epic meetup (with the beautiful Heather AND Dorry!), showing M around my work digs and well, working, it felt like quite the 7 day excursion!

A little taste of our week:

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Only to come home and realize…holy wow, this is really happening. In less than 30 days, we will move into our home that will become the next stage in our lives for as long as…who knows. The longevity and permanence, in a way, of this move is finally starting to sink in, and let me tell you, it just feels pretty incredible.

Every time I start to get overwhelmed with the thought of packing and moving, I take a step back and smile.

Every time I start to think of our future together as we continue planning  our marriage, I take a step back and smile (even bigger!).

Every time I start to think about my life and how firmly planted right where I am meant to be, I smile (the biggest).

This life has truly taught me so much over the last (almost) five years, I cannot even put into words. All I can do is continue to be grateful, continue to step back and continue to thank God for the life he has now put in front of me.

Cheers friends, have a fantastic weekend. <3

 

 


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On beauty and self image.

While it is far beyond National Eating Disorders Awareness Week (March 1), I tucked away an idea for a post after reading a few beautiful posts (Lindsay and Christine both struck me in particular, and Tina too!) on letters to your body and what makes you beautiful *beyond* what’s on the outside.

beautifulbodyNEDA

Well, I’d like to do a twist on this, because while I have never had an eating disorder (fortunate/blessed not to), I have had a long history struggling with body and self image. While the past two years in particular, have been a huge journey in counteracting that, physically and mentally, I find myself sliding into days or even chronic days of picking myself apart. And I am honestly ashamed of it, and even worse, of admitting it, to myself, and to you all here.

Because so much of it is baseless. Because so much of it is ‘in my head.’ Because so much of it is pointless.

It’s sort of like worrying…it’ll give you something to do, but it won’t get you anywhere. 

What finally got me? This video. This video from Dove is absolutely stunning. It brought me to tears. And it made me realize that we certainly see ourselves vastly differently than anyone else does. The beautiful words people in this video chose to use to describe the person being drawn. And the expression on that person’s face, the more she heard those words being said about them. Happiness. Emotion. And finally? Realization that they had been describing themselves with negative words, not positive attributes.

 

It’s what I have caught myself doing more than I’d like. And I need to get back to seeing myself the way others do. And valuing myself for who I am – determined, strong, happy, funny.

I need to appreciate myself for who I am, and not who I am not, and love me for me, flaws and all. Because the flaws I see? I can guarantee only I see.

I am beautiful. And I won’t apologize to myself for saying that even though it makes me uncomfortable (and goes back to compliments and being my own best friend). And I will believe it. In every way, not every waybutwithcaveats (I am strong. *Not* I am strong…but she is ripped!)

Self – it is time to cut the sh*t. You. Are. Beautiful. Inside. Outside. Embrace you for all that you are…..for ALL that you ARE.

 

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