5 Years and 6,000 Miles.

5 years ago and 6,000 miles away…I got married.

And today? Well, today, I am nowhere near where I thought I would be on this day, 5 years later. In truth, this date sort of snuck up on me (the date ‘sounded familiar’ and I wasn’t really sure why), and in truth, the ‘milestone’ itself is insignificant to me now, 5 years later. And let me tell you why.

Simply, it just isn’t.

One of my best friends (who is also divorced, but also now remarried and about to have a baby. Talk about full circle, right? Incredible.) told me early on (as she was sort of still fresh from her own divorce at the time): ‘those anniversaries, those milestones and memories…they fade with each year, until you no longer remember them or their significance.” And she was right.  Eventually, you don’t get a lump in your throat when you see the date appear on the calendar. Eventually, you don’t get the urge to text, email or call them on said anniversaries…to commiserate, or just to say hello. Eventually, you don’t see your life in that light anymore because you aren’t living a post-divorce life, you are just living life.

Eventually…you move on. 

But at the same time, I can’t help but use this date as a way to do a little retrospective on the then vs. the now. Because it is just such a different life. It is a blessed, full, happy life that I don’t quite think I’d ever have reached if I were still married to my ex-husband. I don’t know that I ever would have saw it that way either. Never mind ‘not seeing the forest from the trees,’ I wasn’t even seeing the trees in the forest.

Then…I loved immaturely. We were young when we fell in love, and quite honestly, that’s where our love stayed. The love we fostered at age 19 and 20.

Now…I love deeply, with my entire being. The love I feel for M starts from the tips of my toes all the way through to the strands in my hair. It is radiating.

Then…I followed. I reacted, but didn’t act. I smiled, but didn’t speak.

Now…I lead. I try new things, I take chances. I do things that scare me.

Then…I agreed. I went with the flow. I didn’t make waves.

Now…I confront when I need to. I speak my opinions. I question.

Then…I lived.

Now…I live an amplified life.

5 years and 6,000 miles…“I hope you never look back, but you never forget…I hope you always forgive, and you never regret ”

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24 thoughts on “5 Years and 6,000 Miles.

  1. Annnnd cue water works. But these are happy tears – this post shows the very depth of your being, of where you were, to how far you’ve come to this very moment here today. My wish for you? To truly harness the strength and confidence that emanates from this post and to build upon it. And to truly and unapologetically embrace who you are. No more self-doubt or questioning. Be proud sis. You are amazing. That’s my wish…

  2. Oh I loved reading this post. So much has changed for you, but for the better. You’ve grown from past experiences and they have shaped you and your life today. I think they prepared you for this relationship with M, which you can now fully appreciate.

  3. I love this post. (I say that a lot, huh?? )

    I remember when I first had my break up with The Ex, I never believed it when people said I would move on. I kept holding on, holding on, holding on…and it just like no matter how hard I tried, I would never really get over it.
    NOW–I feel like how could I have ever spent that much time pining over that guy?! what was i thinking?! I am so much happier now, so much more fulfilled.
    ANd i am so happy that you have reached that point too. It’s a great place to be.

    1. Aw, thank you friend! I know, it’s weird to look back now, and wonder why it took so long to move past it. But when you do, it’s like a light turns on and everything is brighter! I am so happy you have reached that point too! You and Eric are made for each other :)

  4. I love the quote “you never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have”. That is certainly the truth. Isn’t amazing how we can suprise ourselves!

    You definitely are strong & it must be so fufulling to be where you are right now, at this very instant! Enjoy & smile!

  5. You’ve grown, more than anything. I know time makes a lot of things easier, but when it comes to ending one life, so to speak, and starting another? That takes courage and guts. And you have so much of both.

    1. It’s an awesome song!! And loving big and living amplified is an awesome way to live life. Opening myself up to it was the best thing for me!

  6. This is a great post. Sometimes it’s so hard moving on and yet that is what it takes to get where we need to be.

    Love the song. Love reading your big amplified life.

  7. Aww I love this for you :) It probably feels so nice that you’ve come this far and have the strength and perspective that you do now. I love how you described it as radiating… and I love that song too!

  8. What a great post Jo! It’s all so true. While I’m still a month away from finding out of our divorce has gone through and been approved by the courts, the urge to call or text or email RAB has gone. Even though I’m the one who left him, sometimes I feel the urge to reach out out of nothing else but guilt. Just to make sure he’s okay and sometimes just to make sure he doesn’t hate me – how crazy selfish is that? In any case, the longer we go without speaking, the better I am and the easier it gets.

    1. Thank you! And it isn’t selfish at all…I sometimes wonder what my ex is up to or whether he’ll ever get in touch, as I did still enjoy his friendship after. But to your point, the longer we go without that, the better and easier it gets!

  9. I’m not surprised that the date just snuck up on you because you’re in such a different place now. I think it helps to know and love yourself before you decide to spend your lifetime with another. I appreciate, though, that not everyone is raised with that freedom. And, there are those who marry their first loves, and it works out! I’m amazed at all that has happened in just five years!

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