5 years ago and 6,000 miles away…I got married.
And today? Well, today, I am nowhere near where I thought I would be on this day, 5 years later. In truth, this date sort of snuck up on me (the date ‘sounded familiar’ and I wasn’t really sure why), and in truth, the ‘milestone’ itself is insignificant to me now, 5 years later. And let me tell you why.
Simply, it just isn’t.
One of my best friends (who is also divorced, but also now remarried and about to have a baby. Talk about full circle, right? Incredible.) told me early on (as she was sort of still fresh from her own divorce at the time): ‘those anniversaries, those milestones and memories…they fade with each year, until you no longer remember them or their significance.” And she was right. Eventually, you don’t get a lump in your throat when you see the date appear on the calendar. Eventually, you don’t get the urge to text, email or call them on said anniversaries…to commiserate, or just to say hello. Eventually, you don’t see your life in that light anymore because you aren’t living a post-divorce life, you are just living life.
Eventually…you move on.
But at the same time, I can’t help but use this date as a way to do a little retrospective on the then vs. the now. Because it is just such a different life. It is a blessed, full, happy life that I don’t quite think I’d ever have reached if I were still married to my ex-husband. I don’t know that I ever would have saw it that way either. Never mind ‘not seeing the forest from the trees,’ I wasn’t even seeing the trees in the forest.
Then…I loved immaturely. We were young when we fell in love, and quite honestly, that’s where our love stayed. The love we fostered at age 19 and 20.
Now…I love deeply, with my entire being. The love I feel for M starts from the tips of my toes all the way through to the strands in my hair. It is radiating.
Then…I followed. I reacted, but didn’t act. I smiled, but didn’t speak.
Now…I lead. I try new things, I take chances. I do things that scare me.
Then…I agreed. I went with the flow. I didn’t make waves.
Now…I confront when I need to. I speak my opinions. I question.
Now…I live an amplified life.
5 years and 6,000 miles…“I hope you never look back, but you never forget…I hope you always forgive, and you never regret ”