Letting go.

I have always struggled with this. Letting go. 

I think it’s been the root of my anxiety and overthinking ways (of the past!) and the inhibitor to growth and adjusting to change, in some capacity.

When I moved in with M in August, I started to let go a little bit. It took time, and it was frustrating, but I’ve let go of things like a spare dish in the sink, socks on the floor, whatever it may be, and have accepted that we are different people with different habits and allowing the house to not look as perfect as I’d like sometimes is perfectly okay. I used to get so anxious about it (moreso in my past apartment) in keeping it in tip top shape all the time and sticking to my once a week top to bottom cleaning, and while I do strive for a clean and tidy place now, I’ve realized that a few socks or papers laying on the table won’t kill me.

Learning to let go in this capacity has actually really helped me let go in other ways, too. Like with my routine and my workouts. I am better at adjusting my workouts to the conditions around me (as evidenced by last week’s workouts) and working out smarter, not harder, and the biggest one? Running. Letting go and not being so anxious or nervous prior to starting a run has done wonders for me.

For example, yesterday, M and I decided on a mid-day outdoor run. It was relatively mild (so I thought), and the route we chose would be solid, mostly downhill (so I thought). It ended up being a lot hillier on the way back than I remembered (funny how when you run the opposite way down a street, you never notice all those rolling hills…since they were subtly downhill the other way!), a lot windier, and colder (I didn’t wear my headband because I thought it was warm enough. Fail. Frozen ears). But instead of panicking or letting my breathing get out of control, we paced ourselves, slowed when we needed to and maintained a pretty steady pace. I don’t think I could or would have been able to do that before I started practicing this thing called ‘letting go.’

I have also learned that letting go means not comparing and not tearing myself down mentally, either. These will always be areas I need to work on, sometimes everyday, even, but instead of allowing fear to drive me or even competitiveness, to an extent, I am becoming more and more content with the me that I am, regardless of what others might think or assume about me, my relationship or my actions. That’s been huge for me.

The barre n9ne 60 day challenge has been, by far, one of the biggest tests for me in terms of letting go. It sounds like an oxymoron, in a sense, since this challenge has been all about focus, determination, dedication and being relatively strict with my eating and workout habits, but it has also meant throwing the rules out of the window and dedicating myself, mind, body and soul to this approach. It was really scary at first. It went against much of what I’d done in the past. But now? I can’t even fathom anything different. I can’t even fathom a better approach for me. One that works. From the eating habits and food log to the style of workout, to the combination with running that has been my special sauce. Letting go and not ‘going halfway and then stopping‘ has proved to me that dedication and hard work are, quite simply, all you need.

There are areas that I still have plenty of work to do in terms of letting go. A challenge coming up that I hope to be able to share with you soon (that is very, very exciting and I am bursting at the seams waiting to share it!) will be a true test of letting go. Of throwing some inhibitions out of the window and just going for it. I know I can do it, I just have to apply what I have learned and dedicate the time and focus to it.

This post literally came to me this morning as I was making my breakfast…and it’s actually given me a lot of food for thought in how I can apply this to all aspects of my life. Because letting go has been what has helped me change, grow and develop into who I am now. And I couldn’t be happier.

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27 thoughts on “Letting go.

    1. Yes! Control. That’s what is hard for me too. It feels like letting go means no control, but it doesn’t have to. They don’t have to be always connected.

  1. Love. This. Letting go has so many connotations, doesn’t it? I’ve really enjoyed watching you evolve particularly this past year – the letting go factor has been a huge one for you (and for me, let’s be honest) and I think you’ve come so far in so many ways. Like you said, it’s one of those constant works-in-progress, tho. You can always do a better job of letting go, of “just being” of releasing anxiety in favor of getting thru uncomfortable moments that turn into life-changing moments. Which makes it all worth it in the end, right?

    1. It has been a really big year of growth and learning and figuring out MY way of doing things, MY way of letting go and adjusting to a life together with M, not just on my own etc. And not being so anxious and overthinking has really REALLY helped.

  2. I love this. It’s such a huge challenge for me to let go! (And BTW…we are going to get along so well…I hate socks on the floor too…especially in the middle of the living room…even though I realize it’s not a big deal).

    Having a baby has forced me to let go of so many things I never could have before that are either out of my control or just not that important. (Yes, like keeping my house spotless…it doesn’t happen anymore.)

    1. Socks on the floor! Yes! Totally drives me nuts but doesn’t have to. I mean, really. They’re just socks. Pick them up and move on ;-) I bet becoming a mother has meant that just by nature of it! Absolutely.

    1. Totally…it was a new way of thinking for me, and has really taken almost three years to get there. It’s still a battle, but not nearly so bad. Just need to always apply it.

  3. I feel you. I’m horrible at letting go, too. Or…I’m great at letting go of some things and not others. Sam has worked with me a lot on this. I hold such high standards. And so often fail.

    Hugs. You’ve come a long long way.

    1. It’s so hard, isn’t it? M has bee really good at helping me let go too. He just lets stuff slide off his back much easier! It’s inspiring, to say the least.

  4. I love this post. Letting go sounds so simple, but it’s really not; however, it’s a powerful thing! Shocker – it’s something I’m working on as well. I honestly think that having a strong support system is a crucial component in letting go. My hubs has helped me feel safe enough to let go. Never had that before him. It’s a beautiful thing :)

    1. That IS a beautiful thing!! To feel supported absolutely helps. M has been really supportive and helpful too, and helps me get out of my head when I am starting to get that way. And his support and belief in me just keeps me going so much! I love this for you too!

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