Visualize the end game. The result.

That’s what you’re supposed to do when you set out on a journey, a challenge, towards a goal.

But at first, I never could quite visualize the end game, the result, from the opportunity I was granted a year ago for the barre n9ne 60 day challenge.

Why?

Because I didn’t quite believe. In myself. Or even in the challenge facing me. Or in all that it could be, if I set my mind to it.

I was used to going halfway and stopping.

I was used to the field goal.

I had never achieved the results I wanted or thought I could attain. I didn’t believe in “smarter, not harder.” I didn’t believe, even, (not fully) in lifestyle change.

On day one, this was the me I was then. Not quite believing…hoping, not unable to visualize. 

Frustrated with myself physically, feeling like a hamster on a wheel spinning and spinning but with little to show for it, not understanding that I had lost the ability to see moderation in my eats, and having lower self esteem than I ever wanted to admit or be faced with. Day one of the 60 day challenge was a scary day for me. Because it meant facing the things that I had ignored and pushed aside for fear of number fixation, the reality of the situation and doing something I’d never done before. *Not* stopping at the field goal…but going for the touchdown.

The last year has been a year out of my comfort zone, and not only has it taught me that I have the power to reach the goals in which I set for myself, for perhaps the first time in my life, it’s also given me an opportunity I never thought possible. To pay forward what I have learned, in lifestyle changes, the power of a barre workout and how to finally – finally – be comfortable in my own skin.

And, as a result?…this is the me I am now.

When I took this picture, I saw it for the first time. The end game that I never thought possible. I had achieved the ‘after’ that I always envied on infomercials (even pooh-pooh’ing the words these ‘success story’ spokespeople said…words like life-changing, being the me I always wanted to be, etc), losing the inches, pants sizes and weight. Perhaps the best part of seeing this picture? Besides the renewed gleam in my eye that speaks happiness, confidence and pride?

Realizing that there is no end game.This is the life I have built for myself.

And it is the life that I will continue. Moderation, real, wholesome, fueling foods, and a love for barre n9ne, from teaching, to taking classes.  This life. A life that rails against the word ‘diet,’ that focuses on real foods, no gimmicks and the magic bullet of consistency that has opened the door to the happy medium I never thought was possible.

And ultimately? This is a life that I will continue to pay forward.  Because this happy medium life is pretty damn good . Thank you, Tanya, for your belief in us, to my sister Jess in sharing this journey with me (read her post here on her results and thoughts on the last year!), to the barre n9ne community for being such a supportive family (and believing in us then, as the first ‘challenges’ and now, as instructors), and to all of you – my family and friends, for supporting, encouraging and believing.

**as I hit ‘publish’ on this, know that it took a lot of thought and decision-making on posting my before and after pictures…because as much as this journey has of course, been about weight and inches lost, that’s not *all* it has been. I think that goes without saying…but, I just thought it was worth mentioning again.**