Perception – the real me.

This past weekend, beyond being of epic proportions, was a real eye-opener to me in terms of perception. On the ‘real’ me vs. the ‘blog’ me. It was the very first time I had met ‘blog friends’ that thought I was different in person than on my blog. Not by a massive amount, but just in terms of my demeanor. More reserved, ‘not as woohoo!’ (T’s words! Hehe), than perhaps I come across here.

And that got me thinking…who *is* the real me?

In true stream-of-conscious form, this is me…in real life and on my blog.

I’m happy, by nature. I strive for it, sure, but naturally? I am just a happy person. And I strive to be around happy, positive people. Debbie Downers need not apply.

I’m a giver and a ‘feeder’…the older I get, the more I do as my Nonna did, and ‘feed with love’ and give, with love too.

I’m a worrier. I worry if everyone is having fun if I am hosting a party. I worry about my job, about where I am going with it. I worry about my runs (clearly). I worry about teaching barre n9ne (and bringing it, every single time). But I temper that with de-emphasizing overthinking. I call it worrying checks and balances. I worry ‘just enough’ to keep things in check.

I’m a lover. But I find it hard to show sometimes. I cocoon. I’m not as outward with it as much as I’d like to, or as much as I write about here.

I’m a laugher. I love to laugh till my face hurts. At bad jokes. And good ones. And when I’m nervous. And at random times when I realize after, that may not have been that funny, or appropriate timing (meh, oh well).

I’m way too stuck in my routine for my own good. I seriously stress about it far too often. I can’t settle until the house is clean. Laundry is put away. If I’m traveling, clothes are unpacked. Or if I am caught up on all of my emails. Or work. And to’do’s. (there is something to be said for throwing routine out the window…though I think it would scare the shit out of me to do far too  much…I talk a good game about doing it, but deep down, routine makes me happy.)

I’m a doer and a goal-maker. I don’t feel quite ‘right’ unless I am doing something and working towards a goal. But sometimes it gets the best of me and I just feel burnt. (kind of feeling that way now, actually.)

I’m an overachiever. See above. ;-)

I can see the good in just about any bad situation. It’s my puppies and rainbows side coming out like whoa.

I can be shy. I don’t like to be the center of attention. In fact, I usually hate it.

I can also be loud and funny. It’s weird how I can be shy but also loud, isn’t it?

I’m honest. I’m real. I’m me. Sometimes quiet, sometimes reserved, sometimes ‘in my own head.’ But sometimes willing to step out of my comfort zone and tap a toe on the edgier side. It may not be the edgy side that others define edgy as, but for me? If it makes me uncomfortable, it’s probably edgy (for me!).

And at the core of it? Nothing makes me much happier than being surrounded by happy, loving people all having a good time together. And in those instances? I just sit back, laugh, and breathe it all in.

If someone asked you who you are, who are you? The real you? In all of your strengths, weaknesses, and everything in between?

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36 thoughts on “Perception – the real me.

  1. I can be shy but also outgoing – it’s all about the situation for me. I feel like I can be 2 totally different people depending on what”s going on. Shy and reserved or sometimes dancing on a table (rare, but it’s happened). In small groups of close friends I feel like I am more the real me. In large groups I close up, and just watch. I’m always afraid of saying something incredibly stupid. I guess I have always known that there can be some misperceptions or variations in perceptions about the real me.

    1. Totally agree with you – all about the situation! I think we are very similar in how we act in situations (except GO YOU on the table dancing hehe! I totally wouldn’t have guts!) ;-) XOXO!

  2. Wow. This is such an awesome exercise! I may need to borrow this and do it on my own blog at some point, SUCH a good way to dig into how you intentionally live your life, what defines you. And what doesn’t. I LOVE this and what it represents: You. The only “you” I know — and that comes through loud and clear in this post. I dig it, sis.

  3. I recall, at some point during the weekend, telling GJ and CBG that OF COURSE they wanted to see more “excitement” in your face… because they’re both with naturally outwardly emotional women. To me, you appeared happy, strong and determined to show us a good time. Such a great hostess! Giving, yes, but with two other moms there, we felt like you were taking too good of care of us. A little mom guilt sets in, ya know?

    I love that we did capture the Friday night funnies and the Twister game on film because I enjoy watching you be silly through your seeming reservedness. To me, it appeared you wanted to hold it together, even when the rest of us weren’t. Perhaps if we spent more time together, without the stress of you feeling like you had to make sure we were well nurtured, we’d see more of you than we did.

    In fact, I pointed out to GJ that when you were driving us or when we had lunch, you seemed much more relaxed. I loved our continual conversations that didn’t miss a beat. And I’d personally love a one-on-one dinner with you just to get to know you better.

    You are beautiful, loving, giving, happy, upbeat and positive. Not to mention sexy as hell. M is very obviously madly, crazy in love with you. And one helluva lucky guy.

    XO

    1. Thank you so much T! This made me smile big :-) I hope you (or any of you!) didn’t think I wrote this to dispute any comments from the weekend…because this truly was a learning experience for me, that maybe I don’t “show’ my emotions on my face as much as I may be on the inside. I tend to do that with M sometimes too and I catch myself and wonder why I do that? I should show, show, show him how much I love him! I agree, there was definitely not enough 1:1 time between any of us, not a bad thing, but I think that’s when the naturalness tends to come out more. I really enjoyed our lunch together and drive up to Maine!! And as for your compliments, thank you thank you thank you, you always know just what to say :-) M…is a lucky man, but I too, am a very lucky woman :-)

  4. You sound like a beautiful soul to me…someone who wants to live life with intention and purpose. I think that we would be great friends in the ‘real world’ :-)

    I am often told that my resting face looks like I am pissed off! I hate that! I always feel misunderstood when people tell me this and I often get asked if I am having a good time. Yep, I usually am :-)

    1. Beautiful soul! I LOVE that!! I think you too are a beautiful soul! I love your posts and how much you come through in them. And the angry face – oh yes, I have gotten that too before!! Too funny ;-)

  5. I’ve met you and you pretty much seemed how you are on the blog to me.

    I am a weird mixture of an introvert and an extrovert. I think I’m an introverted extrovert. Or the other way around. I can be very shy, especially when I don’t know people and am in a group. Small talk is hard for me. However, I very much thrive around people and do not like to be by myself.

    1. Why thank you ;-) As are you! I think you are exactly how you describe – introvert and extrovert mix! I loved meeting you and can tell you are a people person :)

  6. I think I had different expectations based upon your writing skills. You’re very animated and (for lack of a better term) bubbly in your writing, and I made the assumption that you would be equally animated in person. That would be my fault for making that assumption, because that really helped to push me to question whether or not you were having as much fun as the rest of us were.

    It’s totally not on you to live up to those expectations, so I apologize if GJ and I constantly wondering if you were having fun or not was bothersome in any way. As T said, we both are with extremely animated extroverted women, so it’s tough to not want to see that same expression in somebody else.

    And really…after Friday night…it wouldn’t have surprised me if you wanted us all gone from your cottage (lol).

    At the end of the day, Jo, you were a fantastic hostess who went out of your way to make the rest of us feel totally at home. I saw your smile and I heard your laughter, so I know that you enjoyed yourself. In addition, you’re absolutely beautiful and M is one heck of a lucky guy (not to mention hilarious).

    Per my email the other day, both Sunshine and I have officially sent an invitation to you and M to join us up here in the Great White North at some point in the future. And believe me, if we didn’t totally have a fantastic time with you guys last weekend, that invitation wouldn’t have been made.

    Anyway…the “real you” is whoever you want “you” to be. I really enjoyed the “you” I met last weekend. Never stop being yourself!

    1. No apology necessary! Honestly, I was hoping my post wasn’t coming across negatively, or my reaction to your reaction of me! Because it honestly was more eye-opening than anything, that maybe I hold back more than I thought I did in certain instances. And you are right: I am not at the same calibre bubbly-wise that T and Sunshine are, and that’s ok! We are different, yet the same, in many ways. (LOL re Friday night – hey that was fun!). And thank you, I am so glad you guys had fun, I really REALLY did too. And I would love to come visit sometime!! That would be awesome!!!

  7. It’s funny, I describe myself as being an introverted extrovert. ;-) I love being around people and thrive when I am, but then I require a certain amount of alone “down time” to recharge again.

    Last weekend was interesting for me as well. Like CBG, I think I had an expectation of your based on your writing (double and triple exclamation points!!) and what I saw didn’t always necessarily translate in person (in my opinion). But that does have a lot to do with the fact that CBG and I are often SOOOO animated and over the top. ;-) It’s easy to forget sometimes that not everyone is like that.

    In any case, it was an absolute pleasure meeting you and hanging out for the weekend and as CBG said, we’d love for sometime you to come visit us!! You took such awesome care of us all weekend that we’d love to be able to someday return the favour. xo

    1. I think you are also an introverted extrovert! And while I may not totally think I don’t translate in person as I do on my blog, I think everyone interprets each other differently and your expectation of me may be different than the next. And that’s ok! I had an awesome time with you guys, and I wouldn’t have changed it for the world! Not a minute of it (except perhaps maybe M not having to leave on Saturday night and come back!). I would love to visit sometime :)

  8. Hmm… How do I define myself? What about when we meet?

    Maybe ask TBHHH or Inris, but I’ll probably be a bit anxious and nervous at first… For like ten minutes! But through that you’ll probably see my bubbly & outgoing side… Then as the weekend wears on you’ll probably see my chill side… My, “sorry we’re friends now so I’m cool wearing yoga pants in front of you” side. Then, when I’m really comfortable… I’ll laugh like a hyena over some Asian man grilling sausages…. And then finally, I will probably pass out in the middle of a conversation because I’m so tired from laughing like a hyena (sorry Inris).

    And that is pretty much what you can expect from me! lol

    1. I can’t wait to meet you!!! And I think a little awkwardness at the start is normal, completely! I don’t think that will happen though, I really don’t, with us! And there is nothing better than wearing yoga pants, drinking wine and laughing our asses off. MUST happen :)

  9. When people first meet me, they sometimes think I’m hard to read. When I’m lost in thought, I’m not all that expressive on the outside. I’m a very open person, though, and I’m not afraid to share what I’m thinking/feeling if people ask!

    Great post!

    1. See, I think that’s what was happening with me too, hard to read, more in my head about stuff, observing. I think we are similar :-)

  10. I might have to do this on my blog…but, honestly??? I’d just copy yours. Mostly. After having kids…the one thing I CAN let go of before settling down is cleaning and laundry. I’m doing it ALL. THE. TIME. and if I did it every time I wanted to settle, I’d never settle. I don’t mind letting the dishes sit overnight. I don’t care if the laundry is unfolded on the couch. (I even put them back in the dryer sometimes just to fluff them again…in attempts to avoid folding it.) I don’t care if there’s toys all over the place…I settle anyway. It may be that I’m go go go go go all the time, but it may be because I learned as a kid that when my dad was constantly clean clean clean order order order, I was miserable. My youngest sister is fighting that right now…giving it a little…give, I guess. (But again, kids…they destroy the house while you clean it. You guys don’t have to worry about that one. Yet. ;)) Otherwise, I swear we’re made from the same mold.

    1. You should do this on your blog!! And yes, I think we are scarily alike in SO MANY WAYS!! It’s hard to settle for the night with stuff around, drives me crazy and I don’t even HAVE kids ;-) XOXO

  11. I love this post and learning more about you! I think that we’re pretty similar too. I’m shy (especially in group situations and much prefer one-on-one chats), fiercely loyal, silly and goofy at times (all the more since having kids), definitely an overachiever, am known to be moody at times, and yes, stuck in a routine too. I’m not that one to jump head first into something without first thinking about and examining it from all sides but I am trying to get better about trying new things and taking some leaps of faith.

    1. I think we are similar too! thus why we ‘get’ each other in many ways! I can be moody too, can’t we all? It’s hard not to analyze before leaping and it’s something I work on too! sometimes good to leap!

  12. another post I really relate to, my friend! I commend you for writing this, and really examining yourself – I think you are pretty freaking awesome! with the move to NYC – meeting new people at work and socially, I’m not always sure I’m letting people really know me – like the real me. and then there’s my blog – that’s another story. I have a lot on my mind I could be sharing, but I haven’t been lately…we’ll see, maybe that will change soon! love ya, Jo. thanks for your honesty – it inspires me!

    1. I am so glad you can relate!! It is hard sometimes, being honest, letting it all hang out, but at the same time, it’s hardER to keep it all in and NOT be honest or not share, and just harbor it all. So I hope you coax it out of you a little, whatever it is on your mind. YOU are freaking awesome too and your posts equally inspire me! XOXO!

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