On unexpected realizations.

My brain has been a weird thing lately (okay, it usually is, but even more so lately, if that’s even possible). Go with me on this one, ok?

I’ve realized some things that I guess I never thought I’d actually hear myself saying (or thinking).

Like…wanting a wedding. Not a big one. Not at all. A small, intimate, private thing that ultimately screams ‘us’ over and over.

Like…wanting to talk about M again on here. On this very blog that I recently declared I wouldn’t. I’ve been battling myself over what I want to share here and what I’d like to keep to myself or share *off* the Internet. So, you may see me contradict myself a fair bit here. I may talk about him, us, plans, in bits and pieces. And then I might not. I hope you’ll understand. I’m trying to toe the line between privacy, exploring my thoughts and chronicling the happiest time in my life. A tough feat, no?

Like…wanting to say no more. To simplify. To cut away the excess. I continue to struggle with this. And I realize that what I am truly struggling with is lack.of.time. And the inability to spend time with the ones I care most about. Even my sisters. So I am putting a moratorium on plans. On making plans for any weekend that isn’t *already* planned. To practice what I preach.

Like…realizing that I think I am finally FINALLY at a point in my body image journey that I am in my happy place. I’m not struggling with self esteem, I am not trying to be perfect, I am not fixated on the scale or numbers of any kind, I am continually at peace with food, and I’m just feeling…really good. And realizing that may be one of the biggest unexpected realizations of late. Who knew it could be this way? I certainly didn’t. And yes, it’s taken almost a year and a half of practicing mindfulness and getting to my happy place, but it’s been well worth it.

And finally…like realizing taking a step back and refocusing on every aspect of my life *here* and “live” is bringing me one step closer to simplicity and ultimately, that happy medium balance I crave. 

So, friends, a little of this, and a little of that going on in my brain. I guess I don’t know what my point here is, but I was compelled to write today, and haven’t been lately. And this is what’s on my mind. Unexpected thoughts of the simple variety.

I’ll leave you with this, the absolute ultimate in ‘striking truths’ – what better reason is there to simplify your life than this?

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30 thoughts on “On unexpected realizations.

  1. I love where your head is at sis — it’s not ‘weird’ at all where you’re mind is going these days. It’s just evolving right along with you — sure, you didn’t ever think you wanted a wedding before. But your wants and needs and goals and dreams change over time. And that’s ok. You don’t have to stick to what you always ‘believed in’ before just because you always had that stance. It just means that you’re evolving — and personally, I’m LOVING your evolution sis. You are still YOU, just you refined, and in a very beautiful way sis. I love it.

    PS. I’m WITH you on simplification. It’s much needed here too especially with this new job and a real need to strike good balance. Note to self.

    1. You are right sis, time changes things, minds change too. And that is more than ok! I knew you would love the evolution regarding wedding stuff too ;-) Simplify…we can work on this together! XO

  2. Wants change as we change. It makes sense that some things you didn’t want before, you do now or vice versa. I think it’s totally normal and good that you are figuring out what it is that you actually want and not not doing something because you said you didn’t want it before.

  3. Yes, this is true. I’ve often said that I’m afraid to “declare” that I’m this or that because once I do, the universe throws me a curve ball that leaves me wondering why I declared anything at all! You are learning to go with the flow. That is the most beautiful lesson of all… especially to us Type-A’s! LOL!

    This life is about change. Finding simplicity in that will make you happier and happier. :)

    1. Declaring is scary. I have done it many times and felt undue pressure after. All my own doing! Damn type A-ness! Life is about change. You are right. I am going to embrace it :)

  4. Simplification is the name of the game I’m in! I used to get so overwhelmed and worked up about EVERYTHING! In the process, I have learned so much about myself. I can’t be everything to everyone and myself all the time. I am only one person and I have to give everything it’s share of time and space. I have found out along the way, this makes me a much happier person. I am so incredibly happy for you and this journey you’re on. I know it’s easy to get caught up in too many things, but you’re doing such a great job of refocusing on the here and now.

    1. I could REALLY learn from you on this Sarena! You have gotten to the point I am striving for! Can’t be everything to everyone. Absolutely true. I need to do more of this and not put so much pressure on myself!

  5. I loved that Striking Truths. :) Simplifying my life is something I’ve been trying to do. I try to do so much with so little time, and I get all pumped up and then I get completely and utterly overwhelmed. (It’s reflected in more than just my planning…food, exercise, etc. I am trying to learn to balance excitement with consistency, time management, and what’s healthy – mentally, physically, and emotionally.)

    I find that when I have so much to say, so much to tell, I find myself at a point where I don’t know where to begin, so I feel like I don’t know what to say. I get quiet. Suddenly I’m not sure what I want to say. You’ve had a lot going on recently…wonder if we’re alike in this?

    And I’m with you on sharing. What’s too much? What’s too often? What’s private, what’s not? I have a hard time with this when it comes to kids. I would really like to have the girls on my blog more…and I may just do that. Not sure yet. :)

    1. We are SO alike like this. Bite off more than we can chew, out of excitement and motivation and then it can become overwhelming and not so fun anymore. I need to balance that a little more. And you too! We can do it together!! Sharing…it is hard. There is some I want to share and some I think just needs to stay in my head for a little while :)

  6. I love that last quote so much – as you simplify, the laws of the universe will be simpler. Gosh, so true! Like others have said, you sound extremely happy, peaceful and content. Your mind may be in different places wondering about different things but it doesn’t come across like the anxious wondering, you know? Just a peaceful kind of wondering.

    I’m struggling with what and how much I want to share on my blog too and feeling a little torn. Actually, just generally feeling a little torn about what I want to write about but that’s a whole other story! :-)

    Happy for you and happy for M.

  7. Wonderful life changing times for you. So happy and delighted for you. Just do what makes you happy which you are already doing.

  8. There doesn’t need to be black and white with what you share with your readers!! Some days, you may want to divulge some info…other days, not so much. We don’t judge – we only love what you write…
    I’m with you on the wedding. No one really knows but this is my 2nd marriage. First one – had a HUGE wedding – all the bells and whistles. But guess what? A fairytale wedding doesn’t mean a fairytale marriage. 2nd wedding – in central park – just siblings and parents – SO intimate. Could not have imagined it any other way =) xoxo

    1. And reason #573 why I think you are awesome – I didn’t even know this was your second marriage either. How awesome. I love love love your wedding! My friend did the same thing – married in central mark with her family and some friends, and it was beautiful!!! Her second wedding too! XOXO!

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