The fear of ‘too good.’

On my drive to the airport this morning (now almost seeming to feel like yesterday! long day!), I got the overwhelming fear of ‘too good.’ Of my life, at this very moment (despite my sadness at saying goodbye to M at the airport), that it feels too good. For too long. And something is bound to give.

The other shoe to drop.

The fear of ‘too good.’

I silently prayed. For safety. For M, my family…me. And for faith. To *not* fear the worst and instead, go forward thinking the best. But sometimes, it’s hard to wrap my head around ‘the best’ because I feel like my life is the best. Yes, I worked for it. Damn hard. Yes, I fought for it. Damn hard. And yes, I deserve it. Damn straight I do. But sometimes, I fear that I don’t deserve it. That something is bound to happen. That I am ‘due’ for a lesson. A tough road. A path I may not want to walk down.

Maybe it’s the fear of complacency. That fear is deep within because I became so complacent with my life, for almost a decade before I was slapped upside the head with reality .Divorce. Starting from scratch. Losing what I thought was the best life then. And little did I know all that would unfold in front of me that would blow that life out of the water.

So why do I fear it still? Is it natural? Maybe. Is it lack of faith in God, in myself, in my life? Maybe…just a little bit. And I hate to admit that, because it screams failure, weakness and lacking in faith, to its very core.

But maybe that fear is what keeps me in check. Maybe I needed to fear the worst, to worry that things were tipping towards ‘too good’ and it would now swing back. Maybe if I didn’t feel fear of the ‘other shoe to drop’ – it would drop. Because of complacency.

Or maybe, it’s a combination of complacency and checks and balances all wrapped together.  A reminder to always show gratitude, feel gratitude and say words of gratitude, too. Say I love you. More. Often. Show love, and not just take it in. And pay it forward. Go beyond words, and into action. Do more, kick complacency and challenge the premise of ‘too good’ – because as good as life is, there is always more to do, to keep it good, to make it better, to strengthen.

I’m sure I’m rambling. And it may not make a lot of sense. But writing it out, I feel better. Grateful. And faithful.

Maybe sometimes pushing away complacency and fears is by simply believing

 

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32 thoughts on “The fear of ‘too good.’

  1. I’ve had the similar feelings lately that my life is going so well right now and I’ve wondered if I deserved it or if it was all just luck. Very thought-provoking post – and timely for this time of year!

  2. I cannot relate to how you are feeling specifically, but I am well acquainted with fear: especially fear that things will become comparatively worse. I think a tiny bit of fear is healthy. As you said, in that case, you don’t take your life for granted and you don’t fall into a state of complacency. But I don’t think you should be too hard on yourself either. It’s perfectly human to fear. I don’t think it’s because you don’t have enough faith at all. You are a positive example for so many. I am glad that writing this out helped you feel better and I am so very happy for you that things ARE going so well because you do deserve it.

    1. Thank you friend. I think a little fear keeps us in check, absolutely. It’s when it becomes overwhelming that it becomes a problem. Thank you for your ongoing support, always! You are also such an example of turning it around, whether you believe it or not, I really admire you in so many ways.

  3. I struggle with this feeling as well. A lot. And it seems like the better life gets, the more I feel it. Every once in a while I have to just give my head a shake and remind myself of how hard I’ve worked to get where I am right now.

    And I do agree that sometimes a little fear is a good thing….it keeps us from becoming complacent and taking what we have for granted.

    It’s all about gratitude, my dear. And while you’re at it, try to relax and enjoy what you’re got. xo :-)

    1. I thought of you as I wrote this post, because I know you fall into this too. And I know I can pull myself out of it, sometimes it just helps to write it out to turn it around. XOXO

  4. lack of faith isn’t failure, it’s satan creeping in. I know, sounds harsh. But that’s how we plays the game. with doubt, with failure, with worry, with fear. Stand firm and pick up the shield of faith. We can!

    1. YES! My Mom always stressed this to me. Do not let Satan steal your joy.
      This is something that I have struggled with too. I lie in bed at night, my heart SO FULL, wondering the same things you do, “Is it too good to be true?”
      Know that God wants good for you, He wants you to be happy, so these thoughts are not of Him.
      You DESERVE the life that you have. And if any hardships do come your way, you CAN and will stand strong.
      How perfect is it that I just read this before reading your post today: http://shereadstruth.com/2012/12/11/advent-comfort-ye-my-people-isaiah-401-11/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+shereadstruth+%28%23SheReadsTruth%29&utm_content=Google+Reader

      1. barging in on this thread to say YES to all of what you both said — and I totally read that SheReadsTruth and thought of this very post too!! Great minds ladies, great minds.

      2. My Gosh, when I read this, I was floored by your words and link to this passage. You are so right, God is so right. Satan steals joy…and I am just helping that along by worrying, aren’t I? Thank you, friend, for your perpsective, particularly as you go through your own grieving right now. I am always thinking of you! XO

  5. I do this same thing! I get so nervous that life is so blessed that something is bound to happen. In fact, so much so, that almost any time Peter is over 10-15 minutes late without a phone call that I immediately start fearing something terrible happened to him. Happened just yesterday in fact. I need to stop that. I guess always having rough stuff going on for so long through teenage, younger adult years I now still can hardly believe where life is and feel like it can’t stay that way. So silly! And you’re so right – just have to live with faith and love.

    1. I do the same thing, Tina, if I haven’t heard from M, or someone in my family, my mind automatically switches to the worst! And I agree with you, after going through a lot in life, when it is SO GOODD now, it feels like it is TOO good to be true. But living with faith and love and believing is the right approach, and sometimes I just need that reminder. Thank you!

  6. I wonder if you feel this fear more so than someone who hasn’t gone through what you have — the shock of someone who you thought loved you as much as you loved him suddenly up and leaves, telling you that actually he didn’t love you, not like he thought and definitely not like you thought. That shock doesn’t just go away, not even after years have passed and new love comes into your life. That shock leaves an indent, a scar…and that’s sad to me that you have this scar but on the other hand? It is an incredible way to stay grateful and faithful always. NOT to say that you weren’t before but you are even MORE aware now than ever of what gratitude truly means. You’ve been to hell and back, you know? And in keeping with your grateful attitude, I’m telling YOU that I love you today, I don’t think I tell you that enough sis. xo

    1. I think in a way, you are right. I fear THAT happening again, the total blindside, when you think everything is going so right. But I know with M that will never happen. Because this is US not my past, and we are strong, we communicate, and we even fight (healthily!). And I love you too sis. And miss you tons.

  7. I worry about that too. However, I’ve sort of come to realize, in light of recent events in my life, that if bad things are going to happen, they are going to happen regardless of whether or not I’m worrying about them. I think to some extent, worrying about stuff makes me feel like if it happens, I’ll be more prepared (and maybe you feel like that too), but in reality, I’m still not and if bad things don’t happen, I spent a lot of time worrying that they would when I could just be enjoying the good. So enjoy the good and don’t worry about the bad. Easier said than done, I know!

    1. That is such a good point Lee, what a good observation. I think you are right, worrying about it makes you feel like you’d be more prepared, but that’s just silly, because it’ll happen either way, if it’s going to, ya know? I am glad that you are coming to terms with this same premise, even though you are going through a really difficult time. Thinking of you! XO

  8. I could have written this post…at least the fear of waiting for the other shoe to drop…for so long I’ve felt like it’s really something I need to work on because I can’t fully enjoy life when it’s good because I’m so afraid of what it means/what’s coming next…but that last part really made me think because I know I do that too…I always make sure I tell the people I love them when I have the chance…always text the boy that I love him at the end of the night even if I’m mad or annoyed for the reason that life is short, and I’m so incredibly grateful for all of the amazingness in my life..maybe my fear of the shoe dropping helps with that? Not sure but you’ve definitely given me something to think about, so thank you as always for your beautiful words :)

    1. Thank you! I am so glad you could relate to this too – not that misery loves company (LOL) but that you fear this too but also in realizing this fear, you can conquer it. And I totally agree, tell those you love them as often as you can!

  9. I always have the fear of the unknown and my insecurities creep in when I’m overwhelmingly happy. This happens to me every time I stop living for now and start worrying about a future that I have no control over. Trust your feelings of now and don’t worry with the rest.

  10. Okay, super wild that the word “complacency” popped up outside of my own head in the last 24 hours. I’ve been throwing that word around in my head a lot recently, because we discussed it in my behavioral modification class. About how trainers become complacent when they think they’ve become an ultimate resource. Anyway. I’ve also been throwing around the “too good” feeling. How? January is coming up and that means H and I have been discussing baby #3. We have two wonderful girls, had two very uneventful, healthy pregnancies, and have been blessed…so what if we go for #3 and that shoe drops? What if we have a high-risk pregnancy? What if baby has problems? What if? My life is so good right now, so what if we try and we mess up the “too good” streak?

    Isn’t it silly for us to be asking those questions!? Sarena hit the nail on the head when she said that we fear the unknown when we’re overwhelmingly happy. I’m so proud and blessed and happy, and I fear it all being taken away.

    Just being. Such a wonderfully BROAD idea.

    1. The what-if syndrome. I know this all too welll too. Let life be. Let it happen. So so true. And I am excited at the prospect of baby #3 for you, friend, you are an amazing mom and family, and whatever happens, happens. I believe in you!

  11. I hear you on this one. I have felt the same thing since the wedding. Waiting for the other shoe to drop…surely it can’t be this easy? Then I remind myself that the road here was not easy and I can relax a bit. It is so tough though!

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