On being quiet and hanging on to faith.

Sometimes I feel as though I am a bit of an oversharer and it has gotten me into trouble in the past.

Trouble, as in mentally.

Talking up a run, or a race (in the distant past!), or something I want to do.

And putting pressure on myself (my own doing!) that I just don’t need.

Trouble, as in emotionally. 

Talking about life plans, or M, or changes in life that I may not be quite ready to talk about.

When sometimes, it’s best to share these things *after* they’ve happened, or after you’ve achieved a milestone or accomplished that goal.

Now is one of those times in my life – and M’s life – that I feel the need to be quiet. 

To not disclose a lot of the transitions we are going through right now (they’re all good, don’t worry!), to put unnecessary pressure on myself, or on us, to ‘perform’ – if that makes sense. To live our life right now, learn with each other, grow with each other, continue our paths towards faith together, and well…keep it at that. Between us.

(I’m guessing this vagueness may cause some eyebrow raises or questions or emails, but honestly, I just need to keep my life and my brain as uncluttered and as focused as possible right now, and as much as I want to gab on about the goodness, the grace, the will, and the path right now, I just think it’s best saved for the thrill in the surprise when all is said and done. Doesn’t everyone like surprises? I appreciate the respect for privacy and support, nonetheless, however, as always!))

~~

This leads me to faith. I talk about it a lot. I advise it a lot, to my sisters, my family, M, friends, etc.

But when it comes to me latching on and believing in faith? Sometimes I am really bad at believing in faith. In believing that what’s meant to be will be. Trusting that life is happening the way it is meant to.

Today was one of those days.

And as much as I wanted to not get my hopes up, and not let myself believe…it was too late. And when the letdown came, it was hard. I immediately got upset, I got teary, I got frustrated. And M’s first reaction? “That just means God has bigger things in store for us, don’t worry.” 

*blink*

What can I even say to that except to feel incredibly blessed to have a man in my life, a man I will be with forever, utter the words I needed to hear at that very minute and for those words to come out of his mouth?

Speechless.

Another example came this weekend, when seeing my grandparents and spending some time together and realizing that while they are both in very good health, my gram at 89 and my gramp at 85, they are…old. And in a sense, it may just be a matter of time, and with life being so fleeting, it just sort of sunk in, that while yes, I am again incredibly blessed to have such healthy grandparents, and such a close relationship with them, it’s far too easy to take that for granted too. And scary to think of the inevitable.

df5085368d28beb6a372ad89cdddb546But it just leads back to faith. Being at peace with what life brings us, and takes us, and God’s plan for us all.

That feeling of peace washed over me, as M and I discussed my fears over their health, on our drive home, and again today, with that text I really needed to read.

Sometimes I need a giant rope to help me hang on to faith for dear life, and other times, faith feels as though it surrounds me. Now is a time where my faith may be tested a fair amount, but with the support of a man I can’t thank God enough for, I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that that faith will hold strong, Now. And forever.

~~

Pardon my meandering post today, and somewhat vagueness. To some, this may make sense, to others, it may not. But either way, sometimes you just gotta get out what’s on the mind, and tonight’s one of those nights. Cheers, friends.

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37 thoughts on “On being quiet and hanging on to faith.

  1. I firmly believe God placed those words in M’s mouth today and last night on the ride home, too. Sometimes when we’re too stubborn to listen to Him ourselves, He puts people in front of us that can speak His words for us. And M did that very thing for you last night and today. Truly. That’s what faith is about sis — believing even when you don’t want to or are afraid to and listening even when you don’t hear Him the first time. He’ll get to you through others in your path instead. xoxo

    1. Ya know, you are SO right sis. He really does work in mysterious ways and really did put those words in M’s mouth. I have never heard M sound so faith-filled as I have recently and now, it makes even more sense. XOXO sis.

  2. You always know what to say! I think you live in my brain…your the good side ;). I’m really working on understanding the time and place for everything. I’m not very patient though. It’s a fault and I am working on it. I want the map that leads from here to there…I don’t like the unknown. I’m learning to trust that there is a direction for me and that I have to let it guide me and leave my brain out of it. Big hugs to you my friend!

    1. I want a map too! A here to there, a right now up to the minute look. But that’s not always possible. It’s hard to wait and trust. But it’s something we just have to face…and trust some more. Scary how on the same wavelength we are!

  3. This is always a tough one for me. Sometimes, I have tons of faith, no trouble believing and accepting that everything is working out as it should be, and feel perfectly at peace with the world. Other times, nothing could be further from the truth. I’m glad that you have someone to speak such wise words when you need them, and I’m hoping everything turns out for the best in what you’re dealing with <3

    1. I think what you described is natural – to go back and forth with faith. It’s a test, OF our faith and patience, to remain in faith. If that makes sense. And thank you friend, I know it will, in the end :)

  4. I have a hard time with this too. There are many things that I want to share – and I think that it’s natural to want to share when you’re excited about things – but I don’t want to jinx it. I feel like that a lot – that once I put something out there there’s this crazy pressure to perform. So there’s a part of me that doesn’t want to get my hopes up because I feel like I will be setting myself up for disappointment. Then, more recently, there’s a part of me that wants to put more faith in the universe and to wholeheartedly believe in the things that I want – believe and it will happen, right? It’s a fine line that I’m trying to figure out. M is a pretty wise one and so are you.

    1. YES!! the pressure to perform, that’s a big part of it and feeling like I am jinxing stuff if I say it. So , I shall retreat a bit and explain it all on the flip side. M is a wise man, isn’t he? I feel so blessed to have him!

  5. i once heard that living a quiet life is God’s will. I think that’s true, in this respect. It means that FAITH is being worked on. You don’t need to talk about your life, you need to believe in it and GOD’s plans. I think that means being quiet and letting God’s word, His Love, His peace transcend over you both. xxoo

    1. Living a quiet life is God’s will – wow, I LOVE that and needed that friend. Really really. YOU are a blessing, each and every day, I think it. Truly. This comment brought chills, your words, through Him. XOXO

  6. My brother asks me if he thinks me being ambiguous makes me cooler. Sometimes I’m just superstitious. Completely sympathize with over-sharing.

    If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans. We need to have faith and also know that when things don’t go as planned, they actually are going as planned.

    Great post – really got me thinking.

    1. LOL! I want to be cool, I will go with a big fat yes on that one ;-) Plans…I am a planner and sometimes God doesn’t love that about me I am thinking ;-)

  7. It’s hard to believe that some things were truly meant to be (or not meant to be) and that we can’t control them. But it sounds like M has a good head on his shoulders – us ladies need a strong man. :)

  8. I do believe that things will work out for the best in the end. And I’m totally an oversharer too when sometimes I wish I wasn’t. It’s not just on the blog, I’m like that in real life.

    1. They do work out in the end, I know it, in the moment, it is hard to believe though. I don’t think oversharing is bad, it gives us personality, right? ;-)

  9. It really can be hard to think that things happen for a reason that they will all work out. But, honestly, they somehow end up doing so. And I think it’s your perspective. If you open up your mind to the other possibilities…you just never know.

  10. I keep going back to a post on Cotter Crunch last week that had this wonderful passage:
    “Whatever occupies your mind the most becomes your God. Worries, if indulged, develop into idols. Anxiety gains a life of its own, parasitically infesting your mind. Break free from this bondage by affirming your trust in Me and refreshing yourself in My presence. What goes on in your mind is invisible, undetectable to other people. But I read your thoughts continually, searching for evidence of trust in me. I rejoice when your mind turns toward Me. Guard your thoughts diligently; good thought choices will keep you close to me” — Psalms 112:7, Corinthians 13:11

    You don’t know how bad I needed these words last week when I was anxiously getting my hopes up about something, talking about it to death!, only to be hurt and upset when the disappointment came. Then I read these words and boy did it quiet my soul.

    You see, God wants what’s best for us. I need to remind myself often that His plan is greater and better for me in the long run. His ways are HIGHER. I often think I know the right path or the right answers, or how things *should* be, but often in retrospect, I had no clue. Makes sense?

    Just want you to know that I am thinking of you and pray that you keep the faith. I will try and do the same from my little corner :-)

    ….and your Man? Awesome words he has. He’s a keeper;-)

    1. Your comment also gave me chills friend, truly. Wow. I have re-read this comment several times, and recall those words on Lindsay’s blog and loved them, and NEEDED them this week in particular. I am so glad that He’s helping you, and words of friends like Lindsay too, amazing strength we can cultivate from each other, isn’t it? I will be thinking of you too, my friend, always in prayer <3. And M? He is a keeper, forever and ever :)

  11. I feel you. I’ve totally been there. Y’all have some big things ahead of you. Ponder away and be a team. God will show you what’s next. And we’ll all be here…the ones who really care…encouraging you and NOT being nosey. :)

  12. I think the hardest thing sometimes is accepting the things we cannot control. Trusting that there is a larger plan is an incredible leap of faith. It is wonderful that you have someone by your side that believes that too.

    I’ve been in this spot the last week myself… it is scary knowing that you may have to accept an outcome you don’t want and it will be 100% out of your control. But you are right- there is a reason for everything.

    1. CONTROL – YES! I have a hard time letting go, type A all the way and control makes me feel settled. The reverse? Not so much. It is a scary feeling. I hope all goes well for you this week too!

  13. Wow, are you and I dealing with things on the same wavelength or what? While I don’t know what it is you’re talking about specifically, I know exactly what it is you’re getting at here. (Looks like most of us who like to control the situation do, actually.)

    I’m fairly positive you saw my post by the RT, but this post is like the off-shoot of what I had to say today. It’s sucks getting your hopes up high, to have things not work out the way you’d like. Then, miraculously, you have a man who’s level-headed and confident enough to say, “Things happen for a reason.” And of course M’s reassurance hits it on the head completely. When I told H about how I felt, he said, more or less, what M said. <3 I love them for that, don't you?

    As for faith, yes…faith is probably one of, if not THE, hardest virtues to find, grasp, and hold on to. The one thing I have to remind myself of is that He tests his strongest the hardest.

    Love you, friend.

    1. Agreed on the wavelength! Scarily so! EVERY thing happens for a reason. Decisions too. Your decision, for example. Love you too, and admire you ever so much!

  14. Missy, this post was hard to read. You got my overactive brain worrying, but then I remembered you said that nothing bad was going on. Faith? Not my strong suit. Oversharing? Why, yes, don’t mind if I do. ;)

    1. LOL – you crack me up on the oversharing ;-) I think it’s totally fine to overshare! it just gets me in trouble all up in my OATTing brain!! and yes, everything is fine, no worries dear :) XO

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