One of the things I most admire about M is his ability to let things go, and slide off his back. For me, it is one of the most difficult. If something bothers me, I cannot.let.it.go. It affects my moon. It affects my actions. It seeps into everything I do or think.
And I am so over letting things nag and get to me as much as they do, especially when it is, more often than not, something small and easy to toss aside and get over quickly (one would think!). Or it is something I have just misunderstood or misconstrued in my head and is not as big or bad or annoying as I have made it out to be. Or, it is opinion. Mine vs. someone else’s. My opinion isn’t always right and neither is the next person’s. That is why it is opinion, right?! (see where my mind goes haywire, here?!)
I’ve experienced some emotions of late that I don’t like in myself, as a result. I’ve felt some frustration that has led to anger, some jealousy that has led to bitterness. And these feelings are ugly. And they are *not* me at all. But at the core of these feelings is my incessant need to hold on to things and not let things go, and not see them for what they are, but for what I have made them out to be, due to overanalysis, assumption and well, overthinking.
There’s that word again. Overthinking.
It all ties together, really. Overthinking. And as I see M with the ability to really just not let the little things get to him, and even if they are bigger things, he still has a nack for accepting them, and moving on. I however, will hold on for dear life and beat that dead horse silly. (I honestly think part of it is the Italian in me…Italians tend to hold grudges and not let things go like whoa!!)
So as M and I enter into the latest season of our lives together, my vow is to learn to let things go more. Not let little things bug me. Not assume the worst (and instead, anticipate the best!) automatically. Not get angry as a first emotion, but think more rationally. It’s one of my ‘I’m not perfect’ downfalls…my ability to see negative first, and assume so much, when almost always, whatever is bothering me is almost completely born out of my assumption, or frustration, or snap judgement.
Life is too short to just jump to the worst first.
Why not have faith and trust and know that whatever is meant to happen in this life will, and to trust myself in being valued, being a good person at the core, and being worth it.