A fun lesson in stepping back and letting go.

Last week, I found myself going into ‘nitpicky’ mode over a few type A peeves of mine with M. Leaving his belt on the bed. Every.single.night. when he gets home from work. Leaving the little tag from his dry cleaned shirt on the floor, and his socks balled up ON THE BUREAU, to name a few (hee), and it would put me into a sour mood for a stupid reason and it would snowball a bit from there. I was mad at myself for getting irritated, as it’s not the biggest deal for *me* to just pick them up, but once in awhile, I just feel like I am constantly walking around and picking up after what hurricane M has left behind ;-)

On Saturday morning, after I got home from my b9 classes, M hugged me and sighed and said “I feel like we haven’t been ourselves lately. And I want to fix that.”

And it made me realize that I was a huge part of why we weren’t ourselves last week and not entirely connected. Silly reasons. Valid frustrations, sure, but legit problems? No. Not a chance.

So, I stepped back, and I told him I was sorry for being nitpicky and grumpy and naggy all week and I wanted to make the day better, and take a fresh perspective and outlook. Just breathe, shake it off, and move forward. Because, let’s face it, I have an amazing husband (and yes, he too, has an amazing wife, just sayin. hee), we have built an amazing life together, and there is no sense nitpicking the week away.

Beyond the nitpicking, I also notice that I have been far too controlling in what we make for dinner, how we decide what to have and what we make on date nights, particularly (date night in, our specialty!). So I issued a challenge that would be far ‘harder’ for me than it would be for M.

I tasked M with making ME dinner from start to finish, and I was not allowed to meddle, to clean around him, to tell him to cook ‘neater’ (yes, yes, I do actually say that…LOL), and just roll with it. And next weekend, I would do the SAME for him. A fun challenge, if you ask me, and a way to appreciate each other. M tagged pictures on instagram as #wifeappreciation dinner and I shall do the same next weekend. As much as I thought it would be hard to be in the dark, to stay out of the kitchen, and trust that whatever he would make would not only be tasty, but would also not break the caloric bank ;-)

It turned into a lesson for me of taking a step back, releasing control, and embracing M for who is he – perhaps a messy cook, but a damn good one at that, and a man that truly DOES appreciate me, that does love and support me, and that may toss his socks and belt aside, but in the grand scheme, doesn’t matter in the slightest. And it turned into one of our most connected evenings together of late, and a needed one at that.

Sometimes releasing control and stepping back is far more valuable than I ever thought it would be.

Perfectly imperfect, and always learning and embracing.

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25 thoughts on “A fun lesson in stepping back and letting go.

  1. i love this! You are always so on point with your posts. I do the same thing with Eric, I feel like I am ALWAYS picking up after him. Socks on the living room floor, jacket hung over the dining room chair instead of the closet… jeans at the foot of the bed. I mean, it never ends. Most of the time I just pick it up and throw it in the man room, but some times I just get so mad that I am ALWAYS picking up after him. It’s definitely a delicate balance between wanting to live in a clean home and wanting to live in a museum. It’s only gonna get worse when we have kids, so I better start trying to loosen up now! And I agree that sometimes it’s so easy to just constantly focus on what they’re doing wrong, so it’s great to remind ourselves to tell them what they’re doing RIGHT too.. nobody wants to be a nag!

    1. Ha, why thank you friend :) I am glad you can relate!! I totally laugh at the things Eric does that M does too…must be a man thing. they can be so oblivious! I do agree, it should be a house, not a museum, but I just hate certain things not put away. I guess that then is a woman thing ;-) I am trying to loosen up more and M is good at helping me into that, coaxing me ever so slowly. And I HATE when I TOTALLY know I am nagging. HATE.

  2. I had to laugh. Jason does stuff like that too – like putting clothes ON the freaking hamper. Really? Can’t lift up that super heavy wicker lid?? Sometimes it’s so important to step back. I know that I need to do the same ASAP. Like today. And as much as I complain about always being the one who gets stuck cooking, it’s nearly impossible for me to back the heck off. I want to “help.”

    1. totally giggled at your comment! The super heavy hamper lid! right? at least he attempts to put it sorta where it belongs?? It is hard to step back but very important, you are right. I always want to help in the kitchen too aka clean around him, make sure he isn’t dumping a boatload of oil in etc. Hehe ;-)

  3. Love it. No seriously love it. To say my life is complicated right now is an understatement, but A. went through all the details of grocery shopping, cooking, etc dinner for me this past weekend and I loved it. He was bummed he messed up and I had to tell him I hadn’t even noticed because I was too busy appreciating that he did the cooking!

  4. I had to laugh at your “cook neater” comment because at our family dinner over the weekend we had a big quarrel on “eating neater.” It was so ridiculously over the top.

  5. I owe you a HUGE thanks — this was exactly what I needed to read today. I’m in a new-ish relationship and, while it’s a great one, I’m still very much working on relinquishing all the lovely control I had over things in my single life. It’s a continuing lesson! Terrific post :)

    1. Aww! I am so glad!! Congrats on the relationship and dealing with letting go of control and loosening up as you transition away from single life. It is hard! But it is worth it :)

  6. You’re so cute. I am a MESSY cook (seriously, stuff everywhere!) so I can’t even imagine if someone was cleaning up around me! Yikes! But there is so much to celebrate! Having a messy room means someone else is home. But socks on the bureau? Seriously? That’s just wrong. :)

    1. I love that you are a messy cook but so not the messy ‘type’ – I think bakers get a pass for being messy when they cook, and you are an excellent baker! :) Socks on the bureau has to be the worst LOL. I will tell him he left them there and he says ‘dammit! I totally meant to move those!’ riiiight ;-)

  7. Oh no my friend, I have to be that girl and defend M. What you called a “hurricane” of a tag on the floor, socks on the bureau and a belt on the bed is pretty much my definition of tidy. I still think my ex-husband would have loved you, lol. Remind me before you visit to make my bed. ;)

    1. LOL! I know, I am admittedly, very particular about things being left out, and while those are minute examples, they irk me, yet i do realize it could be a heck of a lot worse ;-) hehe.

  8. I’m glad it isn’t just me. I did the whole “I’m not your damn maid” thing the other day. I start nagging and it just kills my mood even more. it is TOUGH to step back and cool the jets but it does help:)

  9. haha. I had to laugh at this because there are so many little things that Ed does that annoy me but I also know it goes the other way too. I hate when we get into that vicious cycle of nitpicking but I’m glad that M was able to help you step back and reset. Letting go of control is HARD but so necessary sometimes. Love your challenge to M by the way! May have to steal that one :-)

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