Lately, I’ve struggled with the little things. The nitpicks. The stuff I can’t control. The stuff I wish I could control. The things that are simply out of my control. And the stuff that I just need to find a way to separate myself from emotionally.
Do you ever find yourself in that boat? Letting things affect you and your mood that are either simply out of your control or, more bluntly, none of your business, in a sense, yet they still nag and nag and nag at you until poof, joy is stolen. By you.
I’ve realized I’ve stolen my own joy lately for no other reason than letting the little things get to me.
In my ongoing journey of living ‘perfectly imperfect’ – this is one area that I just must fix. It seems to rear its ugly head when life is just chugging along, all good. Life is good, work is good, b9 is good, runs/workouts are good…it’s alllll good. And it’s like I subconsciously semi self-sabotage myself to find something to bother me. But why? What’s the sense in that?
Maybe it goes back to that feeling I’ve always had, deep down. That guilt over reaching a triumphant point in my life, a life that I built from scratch less than 5 years ago, getting through divorce, and all the financial, emotional, and yes, even physical struggles that come with it, to finding the true love of my life less than two years after my divorce, and marrying him two years later. The guilt over being happy when there are so many around me that are not, that are struggling to find their path, their love of their lives, their ‘calling’ if you will.
I know I shouldn’t feel guilty. I’ve earned this. I’ve worked for this. And yes, I deserve it too. I need to shed the guilt. And also shed the habit of finding things to be unhappy about. Finding them. Why? What is the sense in that? Honestly. Sometimes I shake my head at myself and want to slap myself.
I’ve been digging deeper, reading a lot of scripture, daily devotionals (especially the one I cherish from this beautiful soul!) and vent sessions with my sisters and with M. About my incessant need to let things bug me that honestly really should not. And it’s really helping. Sometimes I just need to process the root cause of things…the why behind the joy stealing.
And in writing this all out, it’s giving me the accountability I need to cut the shit. Get over the little stuff. And when I saw this on instagram, it all came together. No more joy stealing. Leave it alone. Instead, focus on what makes me smile. And my friends, that is what I shall do.