Determined. To Be…

…a runner, a sister, a lover…living a fit and happy life.

Category Archives: challenges


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On running, tragedy, and inspiration.

I almost chose not to write a post about yesterday’s Boston Marathon tragedy, but the more I read, the more blogs, tributes and gestures, the more I fall in love with running even more than I ever thought I could.

Because I’ve always been teetering on the fence of love-to-run and love-to-hate-to-run, despite my best efforts to get rid of the ‘hate,’ there are still days I struggle. With breathing, with pace, with ‘in my head-ness’ and it makes me wonder if I’ll ever love the sport as much as others will.

But the truth is? It doesn’t matter. And it never will. 

What matters is that I do it because I DO love it, at the heart of it, because it is the one sport, I truly believe, that never gets any easier, no matter if you are an elite, a jogger, or somewhere in between. You run because it is a challenge. Every.single.time. There is no such thing as an ‘easy’ run. (despite those that call their runs an ‘easy run day…’). You may run with ease, but the act of running itself? Not. Easy. Ever.

But my point with all of this is…after yesterday’s tragedy, I honestly don’t know that I have seen a community come together as quick as this, to respond, react, support. From instagram, to Twitter, to Facebook, to tributes, to candlelight vigils, to worldwide support in every single way…there it was. And it was, and still is, beautiful. Every single time I come across something else beautiful, in light of tragedy.

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This quote (Runner’s World):

“It’s the only sport in the world where if a competitor falls, the others around will pick him or her up. It’s the only sport in the world open to absolutely everyone, regardless of gender, age, ethnicity or any other division you can think of. It’s the only occasion when thousands of people assemble, often in a major city, for a reason that is totally peaceful, healthy and well-meaning. It’s the only sport in the world where no one ever boos anybody.”

This act of kindness.

And this ‘virtual’ run that has spread so quickly, so virally. And you better believe I ran this morning. M and I ran and ran, in silence, our longest run since the fall. It was tough. I was in my head at the start, but by the end, I felt accomplished, happy, and in a way, paying it forward.

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Take a minute. Pay it forward. Tell someone you love them. Run. Walk. Smile. Do something. Be inspired today, and take one step in front of the other, onward.

 

 


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There’s been a lot of livin’ in those years.

The other day, I was chatting with a few barre n9ne clients after class, about buying a house, and getting married, and mentioned that I had been a homeowner before, years ago, and had to short sell my house, but this is the first time M is going to be a homeowner. Oh and this is the second marriage for me, and for M. And oh, by the way, we are both *only* 33.

As I said those words, and they remarked that I didn’t *look* 33 (why thank you, lol), I thought to myself. Huh. We’ve done a lot in 33 years, the two of us, haven’t we? So many big ‘life events’ yet, we are *only* 33.

2d04c3725130d6be2dcfab65cde40d27I walked to my car and thought about it even more…and ya know what? There’s been a lot of livin’ in those years. 

And as I read this guest post that I wrote for Healthy Chicks, I thought about it even more…we’ve lived a lot in our years, haven’t we??
I’ve remarked on this before that while of course nobody *wants* to get divorced, or take a (huge) loss on a house they purchased, I actually feel pretty fortunate to have experienced those things. Marriage. Home buying. And even divorce and selling that house for basically pennies on the dollar for what we paid for it.
As M and I take one step closer each day towards marriage, and buying our first home together, I just feel as though my life, every single step of it, has been so ridiculously intentional, with so many lessons meant to be learned, that my heart feels as though it might burst with love, happiness, and gratitude. n’t regret those decisions. Fortunate because I am truly a better person, a stronger, happier, more confident person. And fortunate because so many in life may not have had the joy of marriage, or buying a home. And I never want to look at those experiences as negative or a black mark in my history book.

I just want to soak in every minute, even the stressful and chaotic ones, and think about my life the way it has been laid out for me to live. There’s been a lot of livin’ in those years…and so much *more* to be lived.

Embrace it.

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a FULL life.

Right now, my life feels so FULL.

In SO MANY good ways. SO many.

And I will NEVER lose sight of that, or how blessed I am <–just in case it wasn’t clear already by my gushy posts of late ;-)

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But right now, when I say full, I mean, full, like WHOA, full. 

As in, somuchhappeninginthenexttwomonthswhatshouldidofirst….full.

Let’s just lay it out there so you can see what I mean, mmk?

4/20: POUND training! This is going to be super fabulous new class at barre n9ne, and I cannot wait to spend the day training for it, but it also means more work gearing up to learn, learn, learn before we launch!

4/25-4/28: Napa! A little jaunt to Napa with M, as he has a work conference to attend and *twist my arm* – any trip to wine country and I am THERE. It will be so fun to explore Napa  a bit together as we have typically stuck to Sonoma Valley/Healdsburg in years past, and a little trip away is good timing for a few days away from it all.

4/28-5/1: From Napa, we fly to LA and head up to my company where I will work Monday and Tuesday and FINALLY, after two years, get to show M where I work, meet some co-workers and show him around. AND to have him WITH me on  a ‘work trip’ is so awesome,  especially as it just so happens THIS girl and her sister will be in Long Beach the same weekend and we can finally all meet up (my second time meeting Heather, but my first meeting her fabulous sister!!).

5/7-5/9: Vegas. Yep, criss-crossing the country within LESS than a week to go to a conference for work. Erghh. Everyone thinks Vegas is awesome to go to for a work trip, but since I legit will be seeing the inside of an expo hall at Mandalay Bay for all of 36 hours, and then stepping into a cab and heading to the airport, I find it a titch difficult in seeing the glamour of it all. But I digress. It’s part of the gig and given I really DO like my job, I will go it, shift my focus and enjoy what I can, right??

5/30: We CLOSE on our house!! Yessss!! (and move two days later, June 1). BUT, approximately the same week? My boss goes on maternity leave for 12 weeks and that leaves ME with a shitton more to do covering for her and me for those months. Impeccable timing. Not. (once again, I will shift my focus, I will look at this as a huge learning opportunity once again, as this was why I was hired two years ago, to cover her leave, and step it up…so this time around should *hopefully* be a little less chaotic since I know what I am doing at this company now…for the most part…)

6/17: Fly BACK to LA/Costa Mesa for another work trip. Um yeahhhh. That’s like 6 criss-crosses across the country in less about a month and a half. Shift, shift, shift…

There you have it. My life? She be FULL. VERY full. So my plan to get ahead of the chaos is putting a moratorium on plans on weekends where I can in order to simplify my life as I head into one of the more hectic times of my life, and one of the most exciting, all at the very same time. 

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Progress…(somewhat) under wraps.

First of all, thank you so much for your kind words, well wishes, and support for us as we launch into our first home together! It truly means so much to have so many, near and far, care, send support, and pray for us. More than words can say.

(and reading, and rereading all of your comments just makes this feel so much more real, I can’t even stand it! wheeeeeee!!)

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I feel as though – again – I’m silently moving ahead with our plans, to live, to marry, to be and I am not quite sharing it all here. Yes, it is purposeful. Yes, it is with some sense of intent. And yes, it is worth doing this the way we want to do it, and moreso, for ME to do it this way. M knows about my blog, of course (though he used to not, as some of you know!), and supports whatever I decide, in terms of how disclosive I am here, and in ‘real life’ with regard to…well, us.

But at the same time, I *miss* sharing some of this excitement and progress here. And I plan to post more on these things, but probably more so after they have happened, similar to discussing our house plans. Partially out of fear of the proverbial ‘jinx’ and partially because privacy is often underrated, I think. And I need to respect that  - for me, and us – more now than I ever have before.

…just know that good things are in store. Big things. Fabulous things. Uniting things. Soon. Relatively soon. And it’s so damn awesome, I can hardly contain myself. Clearly.

Progress…under wraps.

*file under: being secretive* <–though it is so damn hard!!

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In other not-so-secretive progress ‘news’ – it’s amazing how each day, I feel more and more in tune with my body. More ‘in love’ with me, versus writhing against who I am, my body, my habits. I feel like I own them more, I am confident behind them, and don’t need as many crutches as I have in the past.

I own my eating habits. I know my body. I know what fuels it. I know what it likes. I know how to keep it balanced. And that has taken so long to get a handle on…but it’s been so worth it!

I continue to focus on balancing the ‘smarter, not harder’ mantra, especially when I want to tiptoe over that line because I love what I do so much. I love to teach, yet I love to take classes, yet I love to run. But I can’t do it all, every single day. I need to choose, be selective, yet still get my ‘me’ workouts in where I can and where makes the most sense. Some days are harder than others to realize this, but then I go back to two things: be smart. And embrace the ability.

And, I continue to focus on being my own best friend, loving myself for what it can do, not for what (I perceive it to) not be able to do or look like. Nobody is perfect, so why not strive for excellence, balance, and happiness, instead? Life is too short for perfection, IMHO ;-)

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So…life progresses. In so many good ways. And also in some upcoming challenging ways. But I feel ready. Far more ready than I ever have. And that is worth rejoicing, and embracing, isn’t it? 

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For real this time.

That secret?

That house news?

Well, friends, it’s for REAL this time!!

Today, we signed the purchase and sale on what will become our new home!!!

After a ‘false start’ as I call it now – and a huge lesson in hindsight is 20/20, this home, we feel, is truly meant to be ours. It has everything we could possibly imagine and more. It’s almost 1000 MORE square feet than the last home we ‘thought’ was ours, it has FOUR bedrooms, 3 bathrooms, and an office (and one of the bedrooms is already floored for a workout space with shock resistant flooring – um hi, do these people KNOW us or what?!). It has a yard, it has a killer kitchen, it really and truly has it all.

And we close on May 30 and move on June 1.

Things are truly falling into place, more than you could ever know. This timing is incredibly perfect for us, as we walk forward, hand in hand, towards the next stage in our lives together.

Feeling incredibly blessed.

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