Determined. To Be…

…a runner, a sister, a lover…living a fit and happy life.

Category Archives: marriage


by 16 Comments

File under: Sunday randoms.

I have so much swirling in my brain and sometimes I just gotta lay it out there, whether or not it makes sense, or is all that disclosive.

File under: secrets

It’s no secret that I am marrying M. It *is* a secret when. And it’s kinda starting to kill me because there is so much I want to share, but at the same time? I can’t wait to unveil it (no pun intended!) when it actually does happen.  I just need to sear the details into my brain, or into a draft post for later, yes? I just stare into M’s eyes every so often and think “I can’t wait to be his wife.” and just feel so blessed and excited and happy. And it makes the road from ‘there’ to ‘here’ more than worth it. MORE than worth it. <3 Gah…<3

File under: operation MOVE!

We’re in countdown mode, folks! ONE more weekend living in this apartment, and less than TWO weeks until we move. It’s just crazy to me. We are surrounded by boxes (40 by my count and more to come!), we’re finalizing details for painters, and movers, and utilities and mail forwarding and it’s starting to feel so real. I cannot believe we will be homeowners. I cannot believe we will be building the next stage of our lives together so so soon. I cannot believe it is finally happening. <3

File under: ouchie-like-whoa

Yesterday, we, at barre n9ne studio, FINALLY got to experience POUND, training for 8 hours yesterday, with lots of sweat, lots of excitement and…lots of pain. holy OW do I hurt today.  I feel muscles I didn’t realize I had (who knew your hands and wrists could hurt so much from gripping weighted drumsticks aka ripsticks could HURT so badly the next day!), I have struggled to sit down on the couch, and never mind trying to get off the couch or get out of the car, I practically need a walker! Suuuuch pain and soreness, but soooo worth it! As my sister documented in her post, yesterday was the first step towards our bringing this fantastic, unique and supremely bada** workout to the studio and it’s going to be an amazing complement to barre (and running!).

File under: when ‘roughhousing’ with kitties goes awry.

As some of you may have already seen on instagram, one of my kitties, my beloved Nala, injured herself last Sunday. What, you ask? You see, M and Nala play ‘toss the kitty’ and love to rough house, and well, let’s just say that went slightly awry last Sunday, when she landed on the bed wrong and immediately limped away. Upon vet visit on Monday morning (worried kitty mom like whoa!), my Nala had a torn ligament in her right knee…also known as a torn ACL. Can you believe it? My Nals now walks with a limp and seems pretty good beyond that limp, but note to M: be careful ;-) (he felt soooo bad, he’s been babying her ever since!)

So there ya have it, a few thoughts on this Sunday. I haven’t written much lately…in part due to ‘file under: secrets’ and in part due to ‘file under: operation MOVE!’ but, I figure it’s worth a lil update with what’s shaking up in here ;-) Now, back to hobbling through the rest of this Sunday Funday ;-)


by 23 Comments

On travels…and wow, this is really happening.

I came back from our whirlwind Northern and Southern California travels and kind of didn’t know which end was up!

From wine tastings, fabulous dinners and even a little sun, to a long-awaited epic meetup (with the beautiful Heather AND Dorry!), showing M around my work digs and well, working, it felt like quite the 7 day excursion!

A little taste of our week:

942409_10151564262831170_287925320_n 575479_10151564262881170_318069578_n 485596_10151564263291170_380816240_n 942627_10151564263241170_1345008355_n

Only to come home and realize…holy wow, this is really happening. In less than 30 days, we will move into our home that will become the next stage in our lives for as long as…who knows. The longevity and permanence, in a way, of this move is finally starting to sink in, and let me tell you, it just feels pretty incredible.

Every time I start to get overwhelmed with the thought of packing and moving, I take a step back and smile.

Every time I start to think of our future together as we continue planning  our marriage, I take a step back and smile (even bigger!).

Every time I start to think about my life and how firmly planted right where I am meant to be, I smile (the biggest).

This life has truly taught me so much over the last (almost) five years, I cannot even put into words. All I can do is continue to be grateful, continue to step back and continue to thank God for the life he has now put in front of me.

Cheers friends, have a fantastic weekend. <3

 

 


by 26 Comments

On permanence and living.

As we get closer and closer to moving into our new home, I start to think more and more about the permanence of buying a new home and what it signifies, in many ways.

The first time I bought a house, I was 26/27, and the thought of living in a house for 10, 20, 30 years didn’t dawn on me. It felt like a ‘starter home’ (a phrase that seems so ancient nowadays where buying a home seems to be a much bigger deal than it used to be, when prices were dirt cheap and you could buy, just to get into the market, and not wait and wait and look and look till you find a just-right home that you can grow into and stay in for a long time).

Now, fast forward 7 years and the reality is, this home will likely be ours for the long haul. Whether that’s 10, 15, 20 years, who knows, but it is a home we *can* grow into, (possibly) start a family, and dig our heels in and really live in. And that is such an incredible feeling. Yet, at the same time, it’s a little scary. In 10 years, I’ll be 43. In 15 years, I’ll be 48, In 20 years, I’ll be 53. Those numbers seem daunting. Those years seem far away, yet also fleeting. Those years also feel permanent and far away, yet thisclose, at the very same time.

I never understood what others meant when they said life goes much faster the older you get. But it is SO TRUE. Think about it. We are already into April of 2013. Wasn’t it *just* New Year’s Eve? Wasn’t it JUST summer 2012? WHERE does time go? It is fleeting.

Life is fleeting.

It is not meant to be lived in spurts. It is not meant to be lived in ‘can’t wait’ mode. It is not meant to be lived in ‘silver linings’ of the week days that sometimes drone on, while the weekends fly by. It is meant to be lived in every minute, of every day, no matter how craptastic, or how wonderful that minute, hour, day is.

Yet, I find myself constantly battling this feeling of looking forward. Can’t waiting for the many things in store for me, and for us. It’s natural to, I suppose, but at the same time, it rips me off of the hear and now. Of my mantra to just BE, this year.

So, as we move closer to our next stage in life together, in building our proverbial – and literal – home together, my vow is to really try and take in each moment, not rush, rush, rush to the next. I know I’ll falter here and there, but I think this is one of the only ways life will feel like it’s slowing down, and I am appreciating the here and now just as much as the future filled with promise, blessings and happiness.

5d370d2a3ca1b89c5a3d0eda2099a369


by 28 Comments

There’s been a lot of livin’ in those years.

The other day, I was chatting with a few barre n9ne clients after class, about buying a house, and getting married, and mentioned that I had been a homeowner before, years ago, and had to short sell my house, but this is the first time M is going to be a homeowner. Oh and this is the second marriage for me, and for M. And oh, by the way, we are both *only* 33.

As I said those words, and they remarked that I didn’t *look* 33 (why thank you, lol), I thought to myself. Huh. We’ve done a lot in 33 years, the two of us, haven’t we? So many big ‘life events’ yet, we are *only* 33.

2d04c3725130d6be2dcfab65cde40d27I walked to my car and thought about it even more…and ya know what? There’s been a lot of livin’ in those years. 

And as I read this guest post that I wrote for Healthy Chicks, I thought about it even more…we’ve lived a lot in our years, haven’t we??
I’ve remarked on this before that while of course nobody *wants* to get divorced, or take a (huge) loss on a house they purchased, I actually feel pretty fortunate to have experienced those things. Marriage. Home buying. And even divorce and selling that house for basically pennies on the dollar for what we paid for it.
As M and I take one step closer each day towards marriage, and buying our first home together, I just feel as though my life, every single step of it, has been so ridiculously intentional, with so many lessons meant to be learned, that my heart feels as though it might burst with love, happiness, and gratitude. n’t regret those decisions. Fortunate because I am truly a better person, a stronger, happier, more confident person. And fortunate because so many in life may not have had the joy of marriage, or buying a home. And I never want to look at those experiences as negative or a black mark in my history book.

I just want to soak in every minute, even the stressful and chaotic ones, and think about my life the way it has been laid out for me to live. There’s been a lot of livin’ in those years…and so much *more* to be lived.

Embrace it.

0b6f426ac3ec36de1de293822e2cbfd5


by 30 Comments

Becoming a reality…

In the last week or so, we’ve started quietly lifting the covers on some of the details of how we plan to marry, and it’s starting to feel so much more real than it ever has before.

…on my drive to barre n9ne today, I had a vision of how it’ll appear, and I felt as though I was literally glowing from the inside out *just* at the image in my mind of how things will unfold…

…as I shared some details with family members this weekend, and their smiles and approvals and excitement made my heart happy. 

…as I stare into M’s eyes and know, without a shadow of a doubt, that he will be the most amazing husband, and I will do my best to live up to all that *he* is to me.

…gazing at *a dress* that may be ‘it’…enough said. 

…choosing rings that will be ours forever.

…and imagining *this time* back when I really couldn’t imagine my life now, at a point where everything had crumbled around me. It truly takes my breath away.

My life – our lives together - is becoming a reality like I never dreamed it, and I couldn’t feel more blessed or alive.


 a458d38b32273d2257758eaecd644fb1

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 869 other followers