Tag Archives: balance

Embrace who you are, rather than rail against it.

For as much as I have been working hard at learning to let go, to ‘roll’ with life a little more, and to be content with the here and now and not always go-go-go, do-do-do, goal-goal-goal…I realized something.

I need to embrace who I am, rather than rail against it.

Some of you have noted this to me in your comments, emails, and conversations ‘in real life,’ that there isn’t necessarily anything ‘wrong’ with these particularly type A traits I have, and while I *do* agree (I mean, hey, I do embrace my type A-ness pretty darn well, hehe), I can also see how these tendencies are stealing the joy out of every plan I make, every thing I do, every conversation I have, in some cases.

And that part needs to change. The joy-stealing part. The overplanning to a T of every cookout, gathering, errands, whatever it may be. I end up planning the shit out of it and at the same time, stealing the joy straight out from under it too (yes, errands make me happy…what of it lol).

But what does not need to change? Me. Overall.

My organization. My drive. My motivation. (Some) of my particular habits.

Because these things? They are who I am. And together with M? We mesh so well (usually. except when I deserve the ‘princess glass’ for being too uptight on any given evening!) – he balances me, I balance him. If we were both all type A crazy, we would likely back ourselves into a corner with overplanned-ness. If we were both type roll-with-it, we’d I don’t know…maybe I don’t want to know what that scenario would look like ;-)

The point is – I am working on the areas that I *want* to change and tweak. But at the core of it, this is still always be who I am. And I need to stop apologizing for that (to myself, mostly) and just find ways to ease up on the habits and uptightness that makes me less than a joy to be around.

A little more roll, a little less…change?

This is me, embracing who I am, not railing against it.

Rest your mind, soothe your soul.

Though I continue to feel as though I struggle with mental mind games, ridding myself of the guilt prison and easing up on the rush-rush-rush of life, at the same time, I know I am thisclose to that breakthrough that I am craving. Freeing myself of the need to overcomplicate my day, week, and season, going with the less-is-more approach to all things social life, family life, and home life, and, almost, if not more importantly, that same approach to my workouts, my eats, and my ‘fit life’ generally.

It’s easy to overdo it in the workout department when I love what I do, what I teach, and all things runtasticness. 

But when you step back and make each ‘me’ moment count, you realize less-is-more is actually far more effective than jamming in too much. I continue to learn this and strive for this and think I am finally finding my ‘happy place’ balance of the best of both – doing and resting.

It’s easy to get into the excitement of the season and try to jam in too much to each day, week, and month.

But it’s far more worth it to sometimes say no (Lindsay says it so well here!), reset and focus on priorities and those that matter most – even when sometimes those that matter most is yourself! I am working on this balance, and helping those around me who also fall into this yes-itis habit to step back, think, then say yes or no whatever it may be that’s on their plate.

It’s easy to get up-in-my-head about myself and comparision-itis sets in.

But when I step back and see how far I have come, how inspired I am and can be to others, I realize the mental mind games aren’t worth it, they aren’t productive and they are self-defeating.

And when I read things like this beautiful devotional from Holley Gerth, it all comes full circle. I need to rest my mind far more than I do. It makes me feel chaotic, and anxious, and more busy than I actually am, and not nearly as balanced as I strive to feel and be.

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Less is more. And it is utterly soothing for the soul. (the below from my ‘angel’ Lindsay – the most perfect words that I just can’t quite put into words as well as she does here).

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Two years ago, I taught my first barre (n9ne) class.

…and it was the best decision – and opportunity – I ever made (and had).

Every single class, every single day, I love what I do.

1901957_10152256648681170_1447480675_nIt brings me joy every single time, and there is no better feeling than to pay it forward in the form of helping women get into the best shape of their lives.

It gives me gratitude to put together a class that challenges, that inspires, that motivates.

And equally, when I have the chance to step into a class as a client myself, and get my own ‘me’ hour to focus, work, and sweat.

It touches me when a client looks for advice, suggestions, encouragement and asks me. To this day, I am always honored to help, to advise, to inspire and motivate.

And it keeps me on my toes – no pun intended, seriously hehe – to continue on my own journey, in maintaining this fit life, this balanced life, this happy life that I lead. It’s not a diet, it never has been, and never will. I have reached that happy place with food and my body, and you can’t quantify how good that feels.

It feels like I was meant to do this. Because I was. And I am. And I can’t wait to see what the next year has in store.  Thank you Tanya for giving me the opportunity of a lifetime, and to the barre n9ne community, for being you, for your inspiration, loyalty and committment. I say it all the time, but there truly is no community like the barre n9ne community. You can’t make this happen, it’s created.

(in other news, I have a scary amount of selfies, but it was way too fun putting together this flipagram!)

The guilt prison.

I’ve been lamenting this topic for awhile now – both personally and experiencing it around me, at the studio, on social media, amongst friends.

The guilt prison.

The self-imposed guilt *we* put on ourselves – whether it be to get in that workout, run faster, longer, more, push through a cold, jam in a zillion errands into an hour because you’re racing the clock to your next meeting, commitment, plans etc. or any ‘imaginary’ self-imposed deadline you put against yourself – because it’s usually either a) unrealistic, or does not *need* a set timeframe or deadline to complete. We just put that on ourselves as a deadline, which then in turns to unnecessary pressure, unnecessary stress and ultimately? The guilt prison.

Because we didn’t meet that imaginary deadline or goal or number we were trying to reach.

So we guilt ourselves, we turn to negative self talk, we beat ourselves up, or even worse, still try to find a way to meet this ‘deadline’ or (usually unrealistic or unnecessary goal), even if our heart, mind, or body isn’t really into it, but our minds take over and tell ourselves we need to do such-and-such or we are a failure.

I realize I am speaking in the proverbial ‘we’ when I am of course talking about myself, BUT I am also talking about seeing this in action just about everywhere I look, lately.

The negativity, the pressure, the anxiety – and all of it? Completely and absurdly unnecessary. Completely arbitrary. Completely self-imposed ‘deadlines.’

For what?

What do we accomplish by guilting ourselves into doing things vs. doing them out of intention and because we truly WANT to?

Absolutely nothing. 

The guilt prison is entirely draining and self-fulfilling, really, too. And partially because whatever we’ve set our minds to, is sometimes too much, or motivated by the wrong reasons, so it will naturally fail, as a result.

5e854ace1c41ff3afe31ff66716e6d77For me, it goes back to intention - my word for 2014 – and doing things out of want, not because I ‘need’ to or because I feel a need to keep up with a certain routine, but literally because I want to. This could be social plans, plans with family, a b9 class, a run,  or even food. Eat out of intention. Do out of intention. Work (out) with intention.

Strip away the guilt. Get back to basics. Let’s break free from this guilt prison. I know for one, I am entirely exhausted of it, from my own tendencies too, and my natural inclination to do more, more, more, when sometimes less and simpler is truly best. I am ready to shed this inclination fully and finally, and I hope if you struggle with this, you will work towards a guilt-FREE life, along with me.

After a crazy week, it’s just okay.

It’s been an exceptionally crazy week.

One of those weeks where I realized stuff has to give, and it’s just okay. 

In my journey towards letting go, loosening my death grip on routine and perfectionism and putting undue pressure on myself (there’s enough pressure in this world, why do I add MORE to it?!), it was one of those weeks where I had to put my money where my mouth is.

And not stress the extra laundry (gasp!), stray dish or two in the sink for more than an hour (gasp! gasp!), or class I wanted to take (today, but after an especially trying two days, I just have nothing left, so I let this go too).

And step back, take a moment to sneak in a few extra intimate moments with M this morning, since we’ve been ships passing in the night (our sole dinner together was Monday night, sadly), and embrace the time we did have this week – running outside twice together, a few extra mushy IMs or texts during the day, an extra ‘I love you’ or two.

It was also a chance for me to take a step back and reset my focus, and reinvigorate things at work. Though the last two days, in particular were mentally and physically tiring (just long days out of my comfy cozy home office, big meetings and lots of them), I came away from it feeling a bit more energized, and if that’s not a good sign, I am not sure what is, when it comes to work.

It was also a chance for me to test my patience in all things sickies. Last week, the stomach bug that had me appreciating what rest does, and this week? A cold that would not relent. The snot just wouldn’t stop coming. So.much.snot. Gross, I know, but seriously, it was of epic proportions. And it added an extra layer of stress to my two days of meetings where I felt less than professional with my box of tissues, raw nose, hoarse voice and cough. But I made it through, I took it day by day and I didn’t try to do too much. I know it made a huge difference to the severity of this cold (for as much snot as there was, I didn’t ‘feel’ that sick, thankfully!).

I am feeling ridiculously relieved as the week comes to a close, and pleasantly surprised at what letting go and practicing what I preach has done for me this week. I think that deserves a cheers or two, or three, don’t you? ;-)