Determined. To Be…

…a runner, a sister, a lover…living a fit and happy life.

Tag Archives: barre n9ne challenge


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Thoughts and stuff. In bullets.

‘Scuse my uber boring title of this post, but it’s what I got tonight, folks ;-)

I give you…thoughts and stuff. In bullets. 

  • Ever since I proclaimed about living more and chronicaling less, I’ve felt like I’m in a weird limbo with this blog (though, note the pretty new layout? Thank free WordPress template – lol – but it’s pretty, right??). How often to write. What to write. IF to write. So I’m sure when I post will continue to be random and topics will be all over the place. I apologize in advance? I’ll find my groove again, I think, I’m just ruminating (and living!)
  • I have barely seen M all week. We have had opposite evening schedules this week and a few unexpected meetings for M, including one impinging on our weekly mid-week date night in (insert sad face). Needless to say, our Friday night date night in can’t come soon enough.
  • I’m having a hard time not can’t wait-ing for the weekend lately. Sometimes I guess we’re ‘allowed’ to look forward (a little too much) to the weekend, right? I am working on shifting my focus and getting through some frustrating work stuff and focusing on things I am loving, like all things barre n9ne of course. (lots of teaching coming up, love!!)
  • Speaking of barre n9ne, check out this Q&A with one of our rockstars, Amanda. We celebrated one year since the 60 day challenge officially rolled out and she’s been doing it since day one. 53 lbs down people!!! The new challenge kicked off today and I am loving all of the before and after pics I am seeing of everyone doing the challenge now, it is absolutely incredible. Go b9′ers go!!
  • I had a hilarious feigned Twitter ‘fight’ with my sis today to snap us both out of grumpy moods. It was hysterical, you’ll have to check it out for yourself but I’m still laughing ;-)
  • I love impromptu me nights. Like tonight. See aforementioned bullet on not seeing M much this week. That’s pretty much the only upside, having a me night tonight and catching up on Chopped ;-)
  • As we enter August, I’ll be damned if I am going to let the summer days and nights slip away. There will be lots of living-the-shit out of summer up in here. Complete with a day trip to Maine this weekend, another #lakation coming up, and more ;-)
  • Since writing about my challenges anew, I am still debating on WTF to do about a bike. I DO have a mountain bike stored at my sister’s and I am starting to lean towards testing the waters (er, roads?) with that first and seeing how I do. Then investing in a bike. But we’ll see. I really just want to get out there and want M to as well, and budget-wise might be the way to go this season and invest next season…and hopefully a house won’t be *that* far out of our future where we can properly store them etc…#ruminating
  • On the topic of aforementioned challenges, I had a few killer runs this week! *patting self on back* Sometimes renewed focus helps me mentally I guess huh?
  • I booked a quick trip to Tampa in February to visit one of my closest friends who I NEVER get to see and I couldn’t be happier!! Finally found a great price and while it is 6 months away, February HERE vs. February in FL will be glorious. As will M finally meeting Amy and her husband Eric (and us both meeting their son!!). I am pretty sure M and Eric will have a bromance. They are SO similar in humor and personality. Cannot wait. ;-)

Holy cow. I guess I had a lot of little rambles on my mind. I kinda dig bullets. They’re cool. ;-) Now if you’ll ‘scuse me, I’ll go back to my me night now. Thanks for reading ;-)


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More than just a graduation.

This weekend, M graduated. For the fourth (!) and final time. Two bachelor’s degrees, one master’s and now a doctorate later, and M is done, accomplishing something very few ever do, and I couldn’t have been prouder of him walking across that stage getting his degree.

It was the first time I’d truly seen such pride in his face. For once, basking in it, rather than brushing it off, or just going through the motions towards that finish line to get.it.done.

And while I wish I had known him throughout this entire process, seeing him through perhaps the toughest part of his degree, supporting him the best that I possibly could, and throwing him one hell of a party, makes me feel so blessed and fortunate to be a part of his life now, meeting him at such a pivotal time, for him, but also for me.

Because, you see, his graduation day also marked my one year barre n9ne 60 day challenge barre-o-versary. During a weekend of celebration, it was a weekend where I felt as though everything in my life had fallen into place exactly where I wanted, for the very first time. From my life, to my love, to my body.

And when I asked M if he were to make a speech, what he would say, he said ‘I would look around at my friends, my family, and you, and say that three years ago when I started on this journey, I never imagined the people around this table would be around this table today, but I couldn’t be happier.’ 

I couldn’t agree more. 

For him, through a marriage ending in divorce mid-way through his degree, to finding each other, at the exact right time in our lives, and for me, walking into barre n9ne a year ago, never expecting to experience a complete and utter transformation from mind, body, and soul, just as I feel the last three years of my life, in parallel to M’s has been. Full of complete change, struggle, sadness and pain, to strength, confidence, happiness and love.

This weekend, it was more than a graduation. It was the culmination of the last three years of our lives, so gently meeting at the same intersection, together. As it were meant to be. 

And if this picture doesn’t capture the essence of the weekend, and this culmination, I don’t know what does. As a friend on Facebook noted,: ‘you’ll look so content and happy and totally blissed out.” And she was right. <3

~~

I don’t normally cross-post to M’s blog, but he wrote a post that made me speechless. It really speaks to his journey from here until now, and if you have the time, please give it a read. Congratulations, love, you are amazing.

~~

As for the 60 day challenge barre-o-versary, there is more to come, including a before and after picture. But this post just felt like the essence of what I was feeling and thus, the before and after can wait ;-)


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Throwbacks on comparison and number fixation.

After a most perfect weekend of unplanned-ness, good, quality time with M, and the downtime I’ve been craving (like whoa), I sit here somewhat amazed at a few things I realized about my habits and how they’ve changed.

In particular? Comparison and number fixation. 

These are two things that have dogged me big time in the past year, where I allowed comparing myself to others, including my sister Jess and to well, just about anyone, and my fixation on numbers (namely – the scale) to drag me down and lose sight of my achievements and progress.

There were two instances where I had an amazing a-ha moment that made me realize that I’ve come a lot farther than I really even realized. So, I call this a ‘throwback’ of sorts because I recall it being just about this time last year where I was neck-deep in a downward spiral of self negativity with relation to comparison and number fixation.

The first instance? Running.

At this point last year, I was struggling to embrace running, to love it as much as I proclaimed. To want to run another half marathon. And while I did run another half marathon last year, it was also that experience that made me realize that I am NOT a racer. But deep down? I was comparing myself to my sister. And her amazing PR. And wondering ‘why not me?’ WHY can’t I do it? Why is she better than me?

Fast forward to this weekend. My sister and brother in law ran a kick-ass half marathon…another PR. And I don’t think I could have been prouder if I tried. I was beaming when she texted me her finish. I was excited and proud to see all of the congratulatory tweets and Facebook posts. I reveled in it. And I didn’t feel an ounce of jealousy, frustration or ‘why not me?’ moments. In fact, I channeled her ‘run happy’ mantra on my own run that morning with M, as we spontaneously decided to find a new route. And ya know what? I ran happy.

Compare THAT to last year? I can’t even describe how happy that makes me. I’m not comparing anymore. I’ve released myself of it. And instead? I’m proud of her, and happily running my own way.

~~

The second instance? I decided to weigh myself this weekend, after not weighing myself since December. I honestly had no idea what the scale would say. Of course, I hoped it would be lower than when I weighed in December, but told myself to only do it if I knew I could handle what it said.

So, as I waited to teach my barre n9ne class on Sunday, I stepped on the scale. And looked down. At first, I was happy. It was below my goal weight of that December timeframe. But then my mind automatically started to want to compare. At first, I did. And then I brushed it off. And then I did it again. I started to fixate. But it was half-hearted. I didn’t WANT to compare, or fixate, or obsess. I taught my class, I channeled my frustration (and probably killed my clients, hehe, but hey, what’s a little extra sweat on a Sunday Funday?!). I looked in the mirror. In my brand-new Lululemon outfit that I couldn’t believe I was wearing. Crops I never thought I could rock. And I smiled. I felt good. The number started not to matter so much, or rather, I started to own that number, to be proud of it, and not lose sight of all that I’ve accomplished in the ‘year of barre n9ne’.

On my drive home, I thought about it some more. And I realized something that really drove it home for me. A proportional loss that made me realize that I had, indeed, worked so hard, accomplishing a number that I wanted to own, rather than ‘wish away’ into a lower, phantom number, I embraced it. 100%. 

And that, my friends, are two examples of harnessing two very almost-paralyzing habits – comparison and number fixation – and instead, embracing and celebrating the change, the progress, and the determination that I’ve worked so hard for. There’s no such thing as comparison…to anyone but yourself. 

This one needs zero explanation. Zero.


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On recognizing opportunity and never looking back.

One year ago, my sister Jess and I stepped into barre n9ne studio for our very first class…

…and we’ve never looked back.

Two weeks later, we won the barre n9ne 60 day challenge.

…and we’ve never looked back.

There’s something to be said for not looking back. For reflecting on the past, but looking forward. For taking and recognizing a huge opportunity and making it your own.

It doesn’t have to be a fitness-related opportunity (of course). It can be anything you set your mind to, any goal, any passion. It is sometimes easier to step into a challenge, get through it, and then be done with it, and move on to the next.

Can you imagine if I had done that with the 60 day challenge? Finished in July 2011 and left it at that? I would have lost out on one of the biggest opportunities and blessings in my life. An opportunity to finally hit that ‘reach goal’ that I never even dreamed was possible. To gain confidence, kick the self-image battling, shape my body into something I am proud of, and finally attain my goal of teaching something I am passionate about. To push myself out of my comfort zone...for an entire year, and reap the rewards ten-fold.

This is my call to you: is there something you are facing, a challenge, a goal, a new chapter in your life and you hesitate because you’re afraid? Or think you aren’t capable? Or think it’s too scary or too much of a risk? Well, guess what…it’s not. Life is meant for risk-taking, otherwise, what are we doing with our lives, except trudging through it day by day.

My life looks so incredibly different today than it did a year ago. And this is why.

The first step is to recognize the opportunity.

Identify it AS an opportunity, not a risk, a threat, an insurmountable challenge.

Make it your own.

And never look back.


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A WINNING Friday.

For some reason, it’s been a wicked long week (and I’m not even the one traveling this week!) filled with some anxiety, hecticness and overall grumpiness. So I am crawling towards today. Feeling burnt. Feeling drained.

Work has been insanely busy for the past few weeks, and I had a lot of meetings to drive to all over the state. Then we got a shitton of snow (shitton for March, that is!!), which made that even more hectic. I’ve been living, breathing, drinking all things barre n9ne training, training, song downloading, and trying to push away the anxiety and focus instead on the excitement that my first class is on Tuesday! And I’ve just felt like I’ve been running around and overscheduled and just generally anxious about it all. Leading to grumpiness. So anyway.

Soooo I am clearly thrilled that the week is (almost) over and it could always, ALWAYS be worse.  (most of what I am talking about here is all goodness, of course, but how I cope with stress is getting anxious and grumpy…poor M. Boyfriend of the year. Nothing ruffles the man, I swear!).

So I thought I’d end the week with a fun little post of how I’m winning today (but most of these…I’m really not. You’ll see. And laugh.)

Winning this week:

Sushi date with the fabulous Meaghan. Love this girl, swear we just ‘get’ each other. <3

Three solid runs for the run challenge so far this week, one more tomorrow (even if today’s was a wee bit ‘off’ – refer to the below ‘not’ winning!).

Getting my haircut. Something about a little pampering always makes me happy.

Thisclose to booking a few days in December to Bahamas as M has a conference to go to. Free room, just pay flight? *twist my arm*

Making this super delish crockpot recipe last night (by googling the random stuff left in my fridge!).

Scoring a giveaway in the mail today from the beautiful Heather – tons of great freebies that I confess not to know how to use…tips??

Lots and lots of oatmeal. Duh. That’s just a given. <3

Winning (NOT!) this week (and today, in particular!): 

Snow. Enough said.

Accidentally farting in my sleep. Yes, this is TMI…however. We all know how much I rail against ever letting bodily functions go in front of M. EVER. *mortified*

…followed closely by, clogging the toilet. Again (a couple weeks ago I did it, didn’t realize it, and M found it. *shudder*). Another TMI.

Wearing my running crops backwards for my run today. Um, awkwardness. And so uncomfortable.

how I felt with those pants on backwards - the second picture ;-P

(and yes, ladies and gents, all three of these happened just today! Winning on Friday…for sure.)

Snow. That deserves being said again. I mean really. It’s frickin March now peoples.

~

I am almost speechless how glad I am that Friday is here. I’m thinking this may be the common consensus this week, folks.

So tell me…what is making this a WINNING Friday for you? Or a WINNING (not!) Friday for you?? Hope you got a giggle…and enjoy your weekends, friends! Cheers!

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