Tag Archives: blogging

February 21, 2009 – 5 years later.

I just happened to look at the date and realized that today is five years since I started blogging (how fitting, on my 500th blog on this blog, my ‘newer’ blog over the past five years).

Five years since I began a journey that I had no idea where it would take me, literally, but also here, in this little space of mine.

I had no idea how many people I would connect with, how many of those people I now consider very good ‘blends,’ – from attending their wedding in Mexico, to a summer weekend ‘upta camp,’ to visits in Atlanta, Austin, Chicago, New York City, Costa Mesa, Vegas, and even right here in Boston.

I had no idea what I would discover about myself as a result of blogging, in sharing my story of divorce, discovery, renewal, and love, found, yet again.

I had no idea of the connections I would make as a result of my passion for fitness, the barre (n9ne!) running, my relationship with food and my body, and being a fitness instructor.  Again, literally, and also in processing my feelings, thoughts, emotions and milestones.

Five years. 

I continue to go back to that feeling of realizing what a difference time really makes. And what a difference your life can look like as time spans on, especially as you take that life and shape it into a life you are proud of, and a life that feels fulfilled, happy and full of joy, love, and that (sometimes elusive) feeling of balance and peace.

Looking back? My first blog post on my old blog:

There, I said it. I’m 29 and I’m getting divorced. Never thought I’d be saying it or living it, to be honest. I decided to start a blog as I go through this journey because though it has only been about three months since this all started, I’ve gone through some massive changes and I thought a blog would be a great way to share my experience with those going through it, but also because there really aren’t any blogs out there that talk about divorce and moving on in your life with a very positive vibe. I see plenty that are all about looking back and wishing life had never changed, or being bitter about being abandoned by their former spouse. And, to be honest, I thought I’d fall into that camp as well, but I haven’t. I’ve really taken this time to figure out what I want in my life and have learned so much already, I can’t imagine where life will take me!

Whoa. So weird to read those words and picture exactly where I was sitting when I wrote them.

And the last post on that blog, in part:

I’m proud of her ,and who she’s become. And while I am letting her go in favor of the me I am now, she has shaped me into who I am today. I’m damn proud. I don’t care if this post sounds a bit indulgent…I know it probably does, but after getting through the difficulties of divorce and all of the baggage that comes with it (poor finances, loss of a house, lack of confidence, sadness and loss), I’m not her anymore.

I’m me…renewed.

And I thank you all for joining me in my journey and allowing me to share in yours. Cheers, friends.

“There are things that we never want to let go of, people we never want to leave behind. But keep in mind that letting go isn’t the end of the world, it’s the beginning of a new life.”

And that, my friends, is exactly the sentiment I stand behind day in and day out, be proud of your past, the ups and downs, the strife, the learning, and then let go of it and move on.

Live the life you were meant to lead. 

Emergence.

I’ve been grappling for weeks on what to do with my blog but I’ve felt some clarity this weekend while on ‘lakation’ and as I sit here, rain pouring down, M beside me writing his novel (yes, novel…he is an amazing writer!)….I’ve started to come to a realization.

I miss writing.

And not just the puppies and rainbows writing I’ve grown accustomed to over the years, as my life has blossomed into the life I never imagined it could ever blossom into, but the life that I live – and love – now. The here and now. The imperfections. The stresses. The moments where I battle myself. But also? The moments where I experience this sense of euphoria…of where my life is now, vs. then, and no matter what, despite the imperfections, it is imperfectly perfect.

And that is real. And it’s not puppies and rainbows. And it has moments where I feel like I flail a little bit and am not sure what my next step is. With my job. With myself. With my journey.

140948663309064374_Qw7C5ltl_cAnd sometimes? It’s okay to not know. It’s okay to have a bad day. It’s okay to not strive for perfection (because perfection is overrated anyway) and aim for balance, realistic expectations and ultimately, happiness and simplicity. Not perfect. Not being everything to everyone. But making the hard decisions. Saying no. Staying true to me, beyond all else.

And I think that is relatable to many…the grapplings with what we all likely struggle with far more often than we’d like to admit. And it is something I am always exploring inwardly, how to get past my drive towards this need for perfection (or close to it) and want/need to be all to everyone, rather than really focus on what truly matters, and stop apologizing for that. Because we simply cannot be everything to everyone without something suffering (and usually that is ourselves, or our relationships, marriages, etc).

So maybe…just maybe…this is my emergence into my life as I see it now, absolutely imperfectly perfect, with a man that sits to my left, supporting me, laughing with me, but also challenging me to think differently, to not give up, to strive for more. And sometimes, to argue with, to get frustrated with and to want to shake him to get my point (even though I am sometimes wrong, as hard as it is to admit that) and realize that no matter what, we are in this forever, we are meant to be, we are attached at the heart and soul, and there’s nobody else I’d rather share this journey with than him. Forever.

So with this emergence…a new blog design, a new ‘about me’ – it may not be written as often as before, but it will shed light into the ongoing a-ha moments, the reality of life, and skip past the puppies and rainbows more often than not, because as much as I am a positive, happy person, life isn’t perfect. Nor should it be.

This is me. Learning. Embracing. Living. And once again, redefining… In the next chapter of my life…

Friday thoughts: where to go from here.

This blog has always been my haven. From the very first day I started my first blog, freshly separated, starting anew, to this blog, which I started as my ‘refresh’ and the me I am now, not defined by divorce any longer, but better for it. It’s absolutely incredible what this community has done for me, to the many ‘blends’ I have met, to those I still plan to meet and would love to meet on my ‘blend bucket list’, and what these years of documenting my life, from what I’ve learned from being single after more than a decade, to ‘learning’ how to date, and getting reacquainted with who I am again, feeling awakened, as if it were my second chance to build the life I was always too afraid to lead. And to today, I look around at my life and it is completely unfathomable that just about 5 years later, I would be married to the man I was meant to be with, really and truly, forever, after a journey that was jam-packed with healing, learning, and most importantly of all, living.

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So now, I sit here and I wonder where to go from here. Where to take this blog and *whether* to take this blog any further. In one sense, I feel as though our marriage is the pinnacle of where I could have ever envisioned this blog to close on, but in another, I don’t know if I am ready to say goodbye and to shutter ‘Determined to Be’ forever.  Thus why I’ve been so quiet, leading into our wedding and our move (besides being crazy busy!), I’ve just been thinking about what I want to do, and if I want to take it further (reading Tina’s latest post, and it’s as if our minds are in sync!). I haven’t quite decided,

So, there you have it, some thoughts on this fabulous Friday. I’m mulling over ideas this weekend as M and I seize the opportunity to ‘staycate’ during our one and only weekend this summer of zero – intentional – plans. Priorities, balance, and life…it all kinda comes together, doesn’t it?

Cheers friends :)

Oh, the blends I have met!

As I was lamenting on how I wish I was going to the BLEND Retreat, I started counting up just how many blends I have met over the years and how fortunate I feel to have met SO many! I thought it would be fun to go down ‘memory lane’ and share that very list here. These blends (blogger +friend= blend!) span everyone from fellow divorcees, to fellow daters (online and such!), to fit and fab, to any and all of the above. These blends are truly some of the friends that ‘get’ me most of all, that mirror me to a “T” in some cases, who have turned into some of my closest friends, and even, some that live closeby and I get to SEE them (relatively) often - the cherry on top, doncha think?

A trip down memory lane…oh, the blends I have met! (in no particular order!)

the amazing Lindsay Cotter - a beautiful soul, to say the least! (cottercrunch)
the amazing Lindsay Cotter – a beautiful soul, to say the least! (cottercrunch)
Momma Sunshine, Canadian Bald Guy, T! This was the most epic bloggy meetup in Maine EVER!
Momma Sunshine, Canadian Bald Guy, T! This was the most epic bloggy meetup in Maine EVER!
This picture cracks me up - also from the epic Maine bloggy meetup, Twister FTW!
This picture cracks me up – also from the epic Maine bloggy meetup, Twister FTW!

Meeting Lee (In my Tummy) a year ago this week, actually. SUCH fun (we met at a Digital Summit social media event, how fun!)

Meeting Lee (In my Tummy) a year ago this week, actually. SUCH fun (we met at a Digital Summit social media event, how fun!)
Tina Reale also happens to live near Lee, so I ALSO got to meet this beautiful soul (and AGAIN this year at the Chicago Marathon!)
Tina Reale also happens to live near Lee, so I ALSO got to meet this beautiful soul (and AGAIN this year at the Chicago Marathon!)
Marisa from the Immature Matron - she is such an intrinsic soul, and has turned into a good friend, too.
Marisa from the Immature Matron – she is such an intrinsic soul, and has turned into a good friend, too.
Meeting Shannon first at BISC in 2010 (??) to being honored to attend her wedding in October 2012 in Playa del Carmen. Love you friend!
Meeting Shannon first at BISC in 2010 (??) to being honored to attend her wedding in October 2012 in Playa del Carmen. Love you friend!
Meeting (again!) with Tina and Chelsey (Clean Eating Chelsy) at the Chicago Marathon - so fab!!
Meeting (again!) with Tina and Chelsey (Clean Eating Chelsy) at the Chicago Marathon – so fab!!
Meaghan, my beautiful kindred spirit, who lives not 10 mins away. We have so many similarities from our pasts, it's almost scary. <3
Meaghan, my beautiful kindred spirit, who lives not 10 mins away. We have so many similarities from our pasts, it’s almost scary. <3
BISC 2010 - blast from the past, much? Akirah, Shannon, and me!
BISC 2010 – blast from the past, much? Akirah, Shannon, and me!
Also from BISC? Meeting Erika (newlyweds on a budget), and fun fact? I get to see HER quite often as she lives in the same areas as my work!)
Also from BISC? Meeting Erika (newlyweds on a budget), and fun fact? I get to see HER quite often as she lives in the same areas as my work!)
For a second time? Heather!! SUCH a long time coming, and time flew by! (not pictured: Dorry! LOVED that surprise meet-up!!)
For a second time? Heather!! SUCH a long time coming, and time flew by! (not pictured: Dorry! LOVED that surprise meet-up!!)

Whew, I swear there are some that I am missing, but after scouring pictures, that is all I seem to have! (that is quite the list though already!)

Not pictured but met:

Amanda! BEST fact ever about our meeting? I got home from our coffee date and M proposed to me not an hour later…how’s that for an epic meet-up, and one we need to do again VERY soon!! Hell, if that happened when we met last time, can you imagine what would happen this time?!

Also from my weekend in Chicago? Snarkbutt Divorced (blog now defunct), MyHeartHasHope, IntrigueMe, NYSoonerGirl, and for a third time? Shannon! The best weekend of meetups ever! (oh and a kind of sort of meet up? I saw her running the Chicago Marathon but we didn’t get to actually chat, sad face! Heather!)

I do believe INRIS was one of the first bloggers I met! Great great guy :)

LiveLoveRunYoga - LOVE her, she’s awesome, AND another local!! :)

These Happy Miles – another fab local runner! we still have yet to meet up again, but we must…barre and running ;-)

Westford Mommy – yet ANOTHER local fab runner! She came to barre n9ne once, which was so much fun!! Also needs to happen again :)

Poise in Parma – gah, another fabulous meet-up – her brother lives in Boston, and it was suuuuch a fun meetup with Jess (somewhat!) recently. Redo needed :)

Adding all of these up, it’s kind of crazy how many I have met, and how many I *still* want to meet. So SO many. I am fortunate I have a job that has taken me to many locations where I have blends in, so I have been able to meet so many that way. And I have my bucket list of blends I still am dying to meet (Sarena, Spabettie, Christine, NaomiRachel - this one is in the works, must happen!, City Girl, Booshy (fun fact! I was in her town and we didn’t get to meet up in the 24 hours I was there but she left me a gift at my hotel. sweetest.thing.ever and the list goes ooooonn and onnn!)

Have you met a blend before? Do you have any on your list you would love to meet? And if you have met a blend before, doesn’t it almost feel like a blind date at first? ;-) 

2012…the highlights reel.

I almost didn’t write this post, because it is SO hard for me to wrap up a year that was truly one of the best years of my life, but I thought a fun post in ‘highlight reel’ fashion would be a fun way to recap some fun moments.

2012 in highlights:

 I unseated comfort zones, from work, to running, to becoming certified in barre n9ne

I traveled, traveled, traveled (to wine country, Mexico, and the Bahamas)

I experienced an unforgettable wedding

I lived the shit out of Maine, lakation-style

Met blog friends in Atlanta, Chicago Austin, AND Maine ‘bloggy meet-up’ style

I spent more time with my family and sisters, and the most beautiful niece in the world

And the biggest highlight of 2012 most certainly has to be when M asked me to marry him <3

2012 is a year that I lived, loved, and played hard…a year I truly lived the shit out of. And 2013? I’m coming for you, like whoa. Happy New Year, friends, and thank you all for sharing this year with me, it’s truly been a blessed, gratitude-filled year. <3

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