Tag Archives: challenges

On quietness and being.

Welp, the minute I sit down to finally write a post, I write it and it dissapears :/

It’s been two weeks since the move.

It’s been two weeks (almost) since my last post (!).

It’s been a blur of a two weeks. A blur of a few months. And I am trying my damnest to simplify, to be, to enjoy these special moments, this special time in my life.

But I just wish I had more hours in the day. I feel settled…yet not settled, because there’s never enough time. (if that makes any sense). And I start to get frustrated with myself. Like this morning, thinking of the week and weekend ahead and all I want to do. And then I read this, from Joel Osteen:

So many people today find themselves caught up in the day-to-day busyness of life, driven to do more in less time. It seems people constantly strive to find ways to cram more into their already overcrowded schedules. But at the same time, God is constantly inviting us to step away from the hectic pace of life and come to Him to find rest for our souls. He invites us to be still before Him, to get quiet so we can hear His voice and set our hearts and minds at peace.

As much as I try to de-crowd, it’s still crowded. I need to prioritize even more. I need to let come to the surface the big things, not the ‘obligations’ or things I feel like I HAVE to do, and just do those that are important to do. And to embrace the chaos right now, as I am surrounded by the family and friends that would go to the ends of the earth and back for me (and vice versa) and a man that I love from the bottom of my heart, and to the tips of my toes. A man I cannot wait to marry and see where our lives take us, together, united.

And for now, I am going to do my best to juggle the two jobs I am doing as my boss is on maternity leave (great timing with moving too, right? #sarcasm), and use this as an opportunity to grow, and learn, and practice simplifying in my job as well, focusing on the big tasks, and not worrying SO much about the little. Staying in GSD mode and tackling the challenge <–that is my daily pep talk to myself!

…sorry for such a rambling post, but it’s what’s swirling right now, and what I need to really focus on. I have a feeling I am not the only one who needs this, and this reminder. So, friends, simplify, quiet yourself, and just be…it’s worth the challenge.

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a FULL life.

Right now, my life feels so FULL.

In SO MANY good ways. SO many.

And I will NEVER lose sight of that, or how blessed I am <–just in case it wasn’t clear already by my gushy posts of late ;-)

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But right now, when I say full, I mean, full, like WHOA, full. 

As in, somuchhappeninginthenexttwomonthswhatshouldidofirst….full.

Let’s just lay it out there so you can see what I mean, mmk?

4/20: POUND training! This is going to be super fabulous new class at barre n9ne, and I cannot wait to spend the day training for it, but it also means more work gearing up to learn, learn, learn before we launch!

4/25-4/28: Napa! A little jaunt to Napa with M, as he has a work conference to attend and *twist my arm* – any trip to wine country and I am THERE. It will be so fun to explore Napa  a bit together as we have typically stuck to Sonoma Valley/Healdsburg in years past, and a little trip away is good timing for a few days away from it all.

4/28-5/1: From Napa, we fly to LA and head up to my company where I will work Monday and Tuesday and FINALLY, after two years, get to show M where I work, meet some co-workers and show him around. AND to have him WITH me on  a ‘work trip’ is so awesome,  especially as it just so happens THIS girl and her sister will be in Long Beach the same weekend and we can finally all meet up (my second time meeting Heather, but my first meeting her fabulous sister!!).

5/7-5/9: Vegas. Yep, criss-crossing the country within LESS than a week to go to a conference for work. Erghh. Everyone thinks Vegas is awesome to go to for a work trip, but since I legit will be seeing the inside of an expo hall at Mandalay Bay for all of 36 hours, and then stepping into a cab and heading to the airport, I find it a titch difficult in seeing the glamour of it all. But I digress. It’s part of the gig and given I really DO like my job, I will go it, shift my focus and enjoy what I can, right??

5/30: We CLOSE on our house!! Yessss!! (and move two days later, June 1). BUT, approximately the same week? My boss goes on maternity leave for 12 weeks and that leaves ME with a shitton more to do covering for her and me for those months. Impeccable timing. Not. (once again, I will shift my focus, I will look at this as a huge learning opportunity once again, as this was why I was hired two years ago, to cover her leave, and step it up…so this time around should *hopefully* be a little less chaotic since I know what I am doing at this company now…for the most part…)

6/17: Fly BACK to LA/Costa Mesa for another work trip. Um yeahhhh. That’s like 6 criss-crosses across the country in less about a month and a half. Shift, shift, shift…

There you have it. My life? She be FULL. VERY full. So my plan to get ahead of the chaos is putting a moratorium on plans on weekends where I can in order to simplify my life as I head into one of the more hectic times of my life, and one of the most exciting, all at the very same time. 

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Progress…(somewhat) under wraps.

First of all, thank you so much for your kind words, well wishes, and support for us as we launch into our first home together! It truly means so much to have so many, near and far, care, send support, and pray for us. More than words can say.

(and reading, and rereading all of your comments just makes this feel so much more real, I can’t even stand it! wheeeeeee!!)

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I feel as though – again – I’m silently moving ahead with our plans, to live, to marry, to be and I am not quite sharing it all here. Yes, it is purposeful. Yes, it is with some sense of intent. And yes, it is worth doing this the way we want to do it, and moreso, for ME to do it this way. M knows about my blog, of course (though he used to not, as some of you know!), and supports whatever I decide, in terms of how disclosive I am here, and in ‘real life’ with regard to…well, us.

But at the same time, I *miss* sharing some of this excitement and progress here. And I plan to post more on these things, but probably more so after they have happened, similar to discussing our house plans. Partially out of fear of the proverbial ‘jinx’ and partially because privacy is often underrated, I think. And I need to respect that  - for me, and us – more now than I ever have before.

…just know that good things are in store. Big things. Fabulous things. Uniting things. Soon. Relatively soon. And it’s so damn awesome, I can hardly contain myself. Clearly.

Progress…under wraps.

*file under: being secretive* <–though it is so damn hard!!

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In other not-so-secretive progress ‘news’ – it’s amazing how each day, I feel more and more in tune with my body. More ‘in love’ with me, versus writhing against who I am, my body, my habits. I feel like I own them more, I am confident behind them, and don’t need as many crutches as I have in the past.

I own my eating habits. I know my body. I know what fuels it. I know what it likes. I know how to keep it balanced. And that has taken so long to get a handle on…but it’s been so worth it!

I continue to focus on balancing the ‘smarter, not harder’ mantra, especially when I want to tiptoe over that line because I love what I do so much. I love to teach, yet I love to take classes, yet I love to run. But I can’t do it all, every single day. I need to choose, be selective, yet still get my ‘me’ workouts in where I can and where makes the most sense. Some days are harder than others to realize this, but then I go back to two things: be smart. And embrace the ability.

And, I continue to focus on being my own best friend, loving myself for what it can do, not for what (I perceive it to) not be able to do or look like. Nobody is perfect, so why not strive for excellence, balance, and happiness, instead? Life is too short for perfection, IMHO ;-)

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So…life progresses. In so many good ways. And also in some upcoming challenging ways. But I feel ready. Far more ready than I ever have. And that is worth rejoicing, and embracing, isn’t it? 

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Musings on the (mostly recovered) knee and running outside.

I’ve been waiting to talk more about my knee until I felt as though I was (mostly) recovered (partially also not to jinx it, of course!), but after two fantastic outdoor runs this weekend, it felt like the perfect time.

What I’ve learned so far?

Patience is a freaking virtue. I hate to admit it, because it was incredibly difficult at first. Despite this injury being relatively minor in the grand scheme of things, and of knee injuries generally, I consider myself extremely fortunate that it’s really only taken about three months since the pain first started (December) through physical therapy (starting in January for 8 weeks) to being back to running almost as regularly as before.

Leg strength and those PT exercises really do work wonders. I actually really enjoyed going to physical therapy and learning where I have some weaknesses (a little in my hips, left quad only [odd!] mainly) and how to work those areas, and the opposing areas to strengthen and improve my legs overall. While I went into this thinking my legs are strong – and they are – knowing that there are small areas of weakness that, with a little strengthening daily, really REALLY makes a big difference!).

Slow and steady wins the race. Okay, that statement never quite made sense to me in the literal sense, BUT, this approach has really helped me a) not get frustrated that I am not back where I was endurance, distance and speed-wise as before and b) steadily work my way back to 3-4 runs per week (4 has not quite happened yet, but that’s also due to teaching a lot of classes lately each week – wheeee – and I am trying to be smart about it and not overdo it!) and steadily increase my pace. Not that speed is important to me, because it is not, but I lost a lot of my ‘regular’ treadmill pace in those months of not running and I am realistic in knowing it’ll take time to get back.

What did my outdoor runs this weekend teach me?

I feel so much more satisfied running outside than on the (dread)mill. Even though my runs were shorter, about 3.5 miles each, my legs just felt so much more worked than when I run on the mill. I LOVE that feeling. Absolutely adore it. Every area of my quads, glutes, hammies and shins felt it. I am sorer today as a result and ya know what? That hurts so good. THAT is what I missed about running on the mill this winter and not running at all. I LOVE that feeling.

My legs feel stronger and sturdier post-PT. I was amazed at how much stronger I felt as I ran. Saturday I ran for the first time with a (soon to be!) instructor at barre n9ne (she is another 60 day transformation story – check her story here, side note/plug!!) and it just felt like a good run (sans one side cramp). Happy, not stressy or hard in a bad way (struggling way). Sunday, I ran with M post teaching at the studio, and the run felt amazing. Every stride felt good. I didn’t feel tempted to stop at a few spots I usually do on the route we took. Strong and sturdy. Slow and steady. Wins the race. (see, I guess that statement does work…hehe)

And I can’t wait to run outside more, more, more!! After only running once outside before this in 2013 (gah!), with this girl (kindred!), it’s making me itch for more outdoor runs. The more, the better. Consistency will be key for me now. Come onnnnn spring!!

On that note, I hope you all had a great weekend…we certainly did, much more to share on that soon, but lest I jinx myself, I shall leave it at that ;-)

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So, about that secret…

About this time last Sunday, we were putting an offer on a house (the secret!). One that we felt, at the time, was ‘it’. Everything we were looking for. An offer that got accepted late on Monday evening.

And today, at almost the same time, we are backing out of that very offer.

I sit here in tears, saddened at what I thought – what we thought – was truly the house we had been looking for, as it had the perfect mix of move-in condition, yard and deck, and feel to it that screamed ‘us’ and in a town that we both really love.

But after a home inspection yesterday, and some sage advice from a few close family members, combined with our own growing apprehension about these concerns they, and we, began to have, it became clear that maybe, just maybe, this wasn’t *it* after all. As hard as it is to see past the plethora of good qualities in this house – and the list is pretty endless – the bad, the possible warning signs became just too evident, and hard to see beyond. From a very old roof (that we’d likely get stuck footing the bill for) to questions about past flooding (three sump pumps seemed three too many…), to some bowing in the floors that seemed perhaps more than just age and natural settling, we began to wonder if those opinions of others were right…and that maybe we were letting the good qualities of this home cloud our judgement.

After watching another episode of Joel Osteen this morning, his message was focused on praying BIG prayers, and not settling for less, or for ‘just enough.” Dream big, expect more and don’t settle for less. If that isn’t a universal truth and screaming clear message, I don’t know what is. As we sit here and mourn the loss of ‘what couldn’ve been,’ we are focusing on blind faith, trust, and the bigger truth of ‘what WILL be’ in our future...the right home, the right time, the right next step to continue where our story began.

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