For as much as I have been working hard at learning to let go, to ‘roll’ with life a little more, and to be content with the here and now and not always go-go-go, do-do-do, goal-goal-goal…I realized something.
I need to embrace who I am, rather than rail against it.
Some of you have noted this to me in your comments, emails, and conversations ‘in real life,’ that there isn’t necessarily anything ‘wrong’ with these particularly type A traits I have, and while I *do* agree (I mean, hey, I do embrace my type A-ness pretty darn well, hehe), I can also see how these tendencies are stealing the joy out of every plan I make, every thing I do, every conversation I have, in some cases.
And that part needs to change. The joy-stealing part. The overplanning to a T of every cookout, gathering, errands, whatever it may be. I end up planning the shit out of it and at the same time, stealing the joy straight out from under it too (yes, errands make me happy…what of it lol).
But what does not need to change? Me. Overall.
My organization. My drive. My motivation. (Some) of my particular habits.
Because these things? They are who I am. And together with M? We mesh so well (usually. except when I deserve the ‘princess glass’ for being too uptight on any given evening!) – he balances me, I balance him. If we were both all type A crazy, we would likely back ourselves into a corner with overplanned-ness. If we were both type roll-with-it, we’d I don’t know…maybe I don’t want to know what that scenario would look like ;-)
The point is – I am working on the areas that I *want* to change and tweak. But at the core of it, this is still always be who I am. And I need to stop apologizing for that (to myself, mostly) and just find ways to ease up on the habits and uptightness that makes me less than a joy to be around.
A little more roll, a little less…change?
This is me, embracing who I am, not railing against it.