Determined. To Be…

…a runner, a sister, a lover…living a fit and happy life.

Tag Archives: M


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File under: Sunday randoms.

I have so much swirling in my brain and sometimes I just gotta lay it out there, whether or not it makes sense, or is all that disclosive.

File under: secrets

It’s no secret that I am marrying M. It *is* a secret when. And it’s kinda starting to kill me because there is so much I want to share, but at the same time? I can’t wait to unveil it (no pun intended!) when it actually does happen.  I just need to sear the details into my brain, or into a draft post for later, yes? I just stare into M’s eyes every so often and think “I can’t wait to be his wife.” and just feel so blessed and excited and happy. And it makes the road from ‘there’ to ‘here’ more than worth it. MORE than worth it. <3 Gah…<3

File under: operation MOVE!

We’re in countdown mode, folks! ONE more weekend living in this apartment, and less than TWO weeks until we move. It’s just crazy to me. We are surrounded by boxes (40 by my count and more to come!), we’re finalizing details for painters, and movers, and utilities and mail forwarding and it’s starting to feel so real. I cannot believe we will be homeowners. I cannot believe we will be building the next stage of our lives together so so soon. I cannot believe it is finally happening. <3

File under: ouchie-like-whoa

Yesterday, we, at barre n9ne studio, FINALLY got to experience POUND, training for 8 hours yesterday, with lots of sweat, lots of excitement and…lots of pain. holy OW do I hurt today.  I feel muscles I didn’t realize I had (who knew your hands and wrists could hurt so much from gripping weighted drumsticks aka ripsticks could HURT so badly the next day!), I have struggled to sit down on the couch, and never mind trying to get off the couch or get out of the car, I practically need a walker! Suuuuch pain and soreness, but soooo worth it! As my sister documented in her post, yesterday was the first step towards our bringing this fantastic, unique and supremely bada** workout to the studio and it’s going to be an amazing complement to barre (and running!).

File under: when ‘roughhousing’ with kitties goes awry.

As some of you may have already seen on instagram, one of my kitties, my beloved Nala, injured herself last Sunday. What, you ask? You see, M and Nala play ‘toss the kitty’ and love to rough house, and well, let’s just say that went slightly awry last Sunday, when she landed on the bed wrong and immediately limped away. Upon vet visit on Monday morning (worried kitty mom like whoa!), my Nala had a torn ligament in her right knee…also known as a torn ACL. Can you believe it? My Nals now walks with a limp and seems pretty good beyond that limp, but note to M: be careful ;-) (he felt soooo bad, he’s been babying her ever since!)

So there ya have it, a few thoughts on this Sunday. I haven’t written much lately…in part due to ‘file under: secrets’ and in part due to ‘file under: operation MOVE!’ but, I figure it’s worth a lil update with what’s shaking up in here ;-) Now, back to hobbling through the rest of this Sunday Funday ;-)


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Run-imations: run-volutions.

I haven’t done a ‘run-imnations’ (ruminations – get it, I’m so punny…) post in awhile and on the last handful of runs I’ve had, I’ve really thought about my ‘run-volution’ of sorts over the past few months in particular.

Coming back from a bit of an ITBS injury that kept me not running for almost two months and slowly coming back into my regular runs (3-4 days a week), I am amazed at how differently I run now. Not only physically run, but mentally, too.

It’s no secret that I am a mental runner. I am almost always fighting being too in-my-head, fearing a bad run, stressing over steady breathing, a side cramp, anything that would inhibit a good run.

But now?

If I start to head down that path, I ask myself “are my legs ok?” The answer is almost ALWAYS ‘yes.’ And it’s mental. My legs feel happy, strong, NOT tired, so why am I worrying?

Run on.

I used to mentally add up how many miles I was running per week and aim for XX miles, adding too much emphasis and importance on a number than just having a good run.

But now?

I don’t run in miles. I run in minutes. (a la Lindsay, who does this oh so well and inspiring!) And I run happily whether it’s 30 minutes, 45, an hour, or more.

Run on.

I used to panic when I start breathing weird, or just struggle with breathing, depending on the air conditions (too cold, or too humid are typically my vices!) and get mad if I needed to walk it out.

But now?

I will stop and walk a few minutes to even out my breathing and – this is the key – not label the run bad because I had to stop. M is constantly reminding me of this when I try to call a run bad if I stop and walk it off, and tell me that we are ‘just running’ – it’s okay if we stop, we are just enjoying the run and the time together. Yes, yes, he is so right. Every time I try to venture down that path. (side note: M truly IS my run-sherpa and lately, I have realized that more and more, I am so grateful that we do almost all of our runs together each week, it truly is a special time and I adore every minute of it!)

Run on.

I used to want to ‘run happy’ and actually BE happy when I was running. And more often than not, I’d find myself in my head, struggling, breathing wrong and well…unhappy.

But now?

I run happy almost always because I am SO happy to be running, to not be sidelined with an injury, and now, to be running outside, fresh air, working hard with that ‘legs feeling worked’ oh so good feeling, and sweat dripping down my face. THAT is happy running.

And it is something that I don’t think I ever truly achieved before I couldn’t run.

It’s amazing what an injury can do, no matter how big or small that injury or recovery is.

And today, as M and I finished our run and I almost run into someone running in our direction – because I was SO letting go and just running, I didn’t even notice – that never would have happened before!! – I thought ‘that was a tough run’ but instead of a frown, I was smiling. A tough, but GOOD run. A happy run.

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On travels…and wow, this is really happening.

I came back from our whirlwind Northern and Southern California travels and kind of didn’t know which end was up!

From wine tastings, fabulous dinners and even a little sun, to a long-awaited epic meetup (with the beautiful Heather AND Dorry!), showing M around my work digs and well, working, it felt like quite the 7 day excursion!

A little taste of our week:

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Only to come home and realize…holy wow, this is really happening. In less than 30 days, we will move into our home that will become the next stage in our lives for as long as…who knows. The longevity and permanence, in a way, of this move is finally starting to sink in, and let me tell you, it just feels pretty incredible.

Every time I start to get overwhelmed with the thought of packing and moving, I take a step back and smile.

Every time I start to think of our future together as we continue planning  our marriage, I take a step back and smile (even bigger!).

Every time I start to think about my life and how firmly planted right where I am meant to be, I smile (the biggest).

This life has truly taught me so much over the last (almost) five years, I cannot even put into words. All I can do is continue to be grateful, continue to step back and continue to thank God for the life he has now put in front of me.

Cheers friends, have a fantastic weekend. <3

 

 


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On permanence and living.

As we get closer and closer to moving into our new home, I start to think more and more about the permanence of buying a new home and what it signifies, in many ways.

The first time I bought a house, I was 26/27, and the thought of living in a house for 10, 20, 30 years didn’t dawn on me. It felt like a ‘starter home’ (a phrase that seems so ancient nowadays where buying a home seems to be a much bigger deal than it used to be, when prices were dirt cheap and you could buy, just to get into the market, and not wait and wait and look and look till you find a just-right home that you can grow into and stay in for a long time).

Now, fast forward 7 years and the reality is, this home will likely be ours for the long haul. Whether that’s 10, 15, 20 years, who knows, but it is a home we *can* grow into, (possibly) start a family, and dig our heels in and really live in. And that is such an incredible feeling. Yet, at the same time, it’s a little scary. In 10 years, I’ll be 43. In 15 years, I’ll be 48, In 20 years, I’ll be 53. Those numbers seem daunting. Those years seem far away, yet also fleeting. Those years also feel permanent and far away, yet thisclose, at the very same time.

I never understood what others meant when they said life goes much faster the older you get. But it is SO TRUE. Think about it. We are already into April of 2013. Wasn’t it *just* New Year’s Eve? Wasn’t it JUST summer 2012? WHERE does time go? It is fleeting.

Life is fleeting.

It is not meant to be lived in spurts. It is not meant to be lived in ‘can’t wait’ mode. It is not meant to be lived in ‘silver linings’ of the week days that sometimes drone on, while the weekends fly by. It is meant to be lived in every minute, of every day, no matter how craptastic, or how wonderful that minute, hour, day is.

Yet, I find myself constantly battling this feeling of looking forward. Can’t waiting for the many things in store for me, and for us. It’s natural to, I suppose, but at the same time, it rips me off of the hear and now. Of my mantra to just BE, this year.

So, as we move closer to our next stage in life together, in building our proverbial – and literal – home together, my vow is to really try and take in each moment, not rush, rush, rush to the next. I know I’ll falter here and there, but I think this is one of the only ways life will feel like it’s slowing down, and I am appreciating the here and now just as much as the future filled with promise, blessings and happiness.

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