Determined. To Be…

…a runner, a sister, a lover…living a fit and happy life.

Tag Archives: motivation


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13.1…my way.

Today, I ran ‘my own’ half marathon.

Almost exactly two years to the day since my first half marathon (that was, in my mind, botched).

Just over a year since my second half marathon (that proved that I am *not* a racer).

I finally proved to myself that I can run 13.1…my own way, in a time that I knew I could (yet never quite achieved in aforementioned half marathon race environments!).

It was my do-over that I have had in the back of my mind ever since that botched second attempt at a half marathon.

And I did it with no fanfare, no stated goal, nothing. (just a few quiet sherpas pushing me along – thank you ladies, you are truly, truly the best. Especially that 5:30 am text message from this one, who I love so!)

Because that’s how I roll.

Some say a goal isn’t ‘real’ until you write it down.

I call bullshit on that and say a goal is a goal no matter if it’s on paper or not.

So, I give you…13.1…my way. 

***

Up we woke, at 5:30, pitch black, but thankfully, relatively warm (57 degrees), clear skies, no rain (windswept rain in the forecast for tonight and tomorrow, egad!).

Out the door by 6 am, and it was still dark, and honestly, that first mile in almost darkness felt so bad ass, I loved it! (though I was straining my eyes to find bunnies, since I knew it would be prime time for them!)

I probably went out a little too fast, feeling all bad ass and stuff (LOL), and after the second or third mile, I started to go into mental brain mode, but a spate of 6 bunny sightings perked me up.

I started to break the run up in my head into pieces, and just think of the next ‘spot’ along the route I’d created that I would be happy at, while chanting ‘let the run come to you’ (also a la this girl!) and ‘run the mile you’re in’ over and over in my head.

Somewhere around mile 7 or 8, I started hitting a wall. Too early, in my book, and I started to wonder if last week’s 12 mile redemption run would be my best run of this ‘secret’ training and this one would soon turn shittastic.

Well, it didn’t hit the shittastic zone, but there were a few miles in there that I was thisclose to a bit of a hissy fit. My legs felt so.tired. And I stupidly (in hindsight) wore my new replacement Brooks Ghost 4s (thinking – same shoe – shouldn’t matter that I haven’t worn them yet) and was feeling blisters forming. On. Both. Ankles.

A different fueling strategy (one Honey Stinger around the one hour mark, a Healthy Bite a la this girl around the 8 or 8.5 mile mark, and one more Honey Stinger around mile 11, with water, of course) seemed to helped, but I just kept burning out fast.

Saving grace was a bit of a walk ‘stop’ as M got two pages (did I mention he was on call last night and this morning? trooper, my sherpa, isn’t he?) and I tried to talk myself down. I was again, thisclose to hissy fit status and almost wanted to cut out the little loop add-on I added to get us to 13.1 (reasoning that 12.8 was ‘close enough’ even though I knew I’d be pissed at myself after). What did M say to that?

“We are running 13.1 miles today. If we don’t do that loop, I’d call that a fail, wouldn’t you?” <-man, does he know how to turn my mental wacked brain back on to myself, doesn’t he?!

After that tough love talk, we powered through the last of our run, two bloody heels and all, and did it. Stopped, held hands, caught our breathe and realized we did it….

In 2:18. 

My ‘secret’ goal? Anything under 2:30 and I would have been thrilled.

2:18? 

Frigin awesome.

Today, we ran a half marathon. 13.1 miles. My (our) way.

And I couldn’t (again) be more proud.


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My sherpa.

This morning, as M and I were running, I mentioned that Jess saw 9 bunnies on her 20 miler and that those were her ‘sherpas’ cheering her on and he asked what I meant by ‘sherpa’ so I explained, using Heather’s great way of explaining it, and Lindsay’s! (this was a 12 bunny run this morning, btw, how awesome is that?! end bunny sidenote).

He paused and then said, “I’m your sherpa.”

And he’s right. So right. He was saying it in a lighthearted way, but he’s SO right. I never truly thought of it that way, but in every way, he is my sherpa. 

My running sherpa.

Pushing me up big hills (sometimes even literally placing his hand on the small of my back and pushing me gently up, up, up), and powering me through rolling hills (which I effing hate, btw, almost worse than big hills!) chanting ‘get up the hill, get up the hill, you can do it, you can do it’ or singing a random song lyric to distract me. (he also does this on any given run!)

Keeping my pace, rather than running ahead of me, especially when he senses I am struggling a bit (I tend to try to speed up to match his pace and that usually falters and doesn’t go well!), and falls in step behind me instead. So much so that one of our usual ‘running angels‘ remarked as we passed them at the end of our run this morning “she’s still ahead of you! she’s always ahead of you!’ to which he laughed and said ‘yes she is!’ Little do they know that he does this intentionally, for my sake, not because he is slower than me, but in that moment, it couldn’t have been more clear that he is my running sherpa.

My life sherpa.

Never have I had someone in my life that I can have a deep conversation with, about work, ethical debates, life lessons or even politics (and I hate politics!) and learn so much from someone in sometimes so few words. M is one of the most insightful, intelligent, and driven person that I know. He motivates me to challenge myself, question the status quo and do more, reach higher, and achieve. He is also someone that I can rely on for advice, support, comfort. And in the same way, I do the same for him. We support, we challenge, we motivate each other. In partnership. 

My love sherpa. 

Obviously, this goes without saying. M is the love of my life. In every way, on every level, to the deepest facets. I have never loved anyone as much as I love him. And I have never wanted to unite my life with someone more than I do with him. And every day, he does something, says something, or looks at me in a way that strikes me in just the right way to remind me of this. He is my love, my heart, my partner. My penguin.

M is…my sherpa. In every single way. 


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Every single time.

Every single time I walk out of barre n9ne, I feel like I am finally starting to hit a good stride as an instructor. That I AM an instructor.

It’s been a little almost six months (!) since getting certified, and while there is a LOT more to learn, refine and develop…I just love teaching. Every single time.

Every single time, I feel that rush of adrenaline and excitement. I feel awake, alive, and refreshed (even if I may be crawling out of bed at 5:09 am – yes :09 to be exact – and wondering how on earth I’m going to be AWAKE enough to motivate, instruct and push!).

 

When I have a conversation with a 60-day challenger and see their elation over how well this program just works and how fit they are becoming and how motivated they are…it makes me proud. It keeps me motivated myself. Every single time.

And every single time, when I hear a groan, gasp or see someone shut their eyes and push through the burn, I smile. And then I push them more. 

When I look around, at my life, at my (busy) schedule, at my body, at my eats, at everything, it all comes back to barre n9ne and this lifestyle I’ve built for myself. I smile again. Every single time.

And every single time I have the opportunity, I pay it forward, my way of giving thanks, of spreading this passion, this life, this happiness. Because it truly is the balanced life I have looked for, strived for, yet never achieved the way I wanted. Until now. 

“Follow what makes you naturally curious…it will lead you to your passion and purpose.”

Expect many more pictures like this…fair-warning ;-)


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On being real.

Sometimes I find it a struggle to balance being true to myself and being real. 

Like, being a good friend…but also only surrounding myself with positivity. Which sometimes makes me feel like I’m actually being a bad friend.

Like, running to run and for fun…but then stressing about how many miles I am actually doing (not as many as I’d like) and then wondering why I even *care* how many miles if I am running for fun?

Like challenging myself physically and mentally…but then feeling myself stagnate a little and wondering if I am actually challenging myself at all these days.

Like chronicalling less…but finding myself wanting to chronicle more. About M. About life. About stuff….and then meandering back to my ‘live more’ mantra.

Being real. Sometimes its harder to balance being real with being true to myself.

Because sometimes I WANT to run a race again, but then I realize I really don’t. I just get caught up in the excitement of it.

Because sometimes I WANT to just say no to certain social gatherings and stick to my ‘less is more’ mantra when it comes to friendships, but then feel compelled to say yes because I feel obligated or guilty saying no.

Because sometimes I WANT to shout from the (proverbial) rooftops about the depth of our love is becoming, with each moment, day, week, and weekend, but then want to respect those private moments we’ve shared between just us. Because I truly believe that’s where they belong.

Because sometimes I WANT to find a new physical challenge for myself…but then also love my ‘maintenance’ routine that I’m in right now and wonder why I feel compelled to find another challenge or goal. Is it necessary? Am I shying away out of fear? Or being too type A with always challenging myself with something? I just don’t know.

I’m being real…in that I feel like I am a walking oxymoron lately. Am I the only one that has internal battles like this…all the damn time?


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My 6-month run challenge (weeks 20-22): on run-volutions and ruminations

We are nearing the end of my 6-month run challenge, and as I recap the past few weeks, I’m purposely trying to save my final thoughts under the ‘official’ 6-month mark, because I think the next couple week’s worth of running will still give me plenty more to ruminate over.

However.

After declaring that I am running less for mileage and more for joy, and doing a run-speriment to purposely try and run on the freshest legs I can, whenever possible, I have noticed a difference in my runs and a release in my brain (yet again) of the pressure I self-inflict on myself to perform. This run-speriment and run challenge overall has nothing to do with performance. Why? Because I am not performing against anyone or anything. I am simply running for me, and seeing what I can do to refocus my mind on the enjoyment of the run, on focused, calm breathing, and on steady, happy, consistent runs, as much as possible. 

It’s when I slide into worry about a bad run, or that I’m struggling more than I think I should, or when I get frustrated that running just doesn’t come as naturally to me as I would like it to, that I start to allow the overthinking to creep in. The overthinking that I’ve worked so damn hard to break away from.

But lately? I’ve reallyreallyreally shut my brain off, not thought about how many runs I want to get into a given week (until that week starts), nor thought about mileage as much. I’ve simply run to run, to move, to sweat, and to enjoy each run as much as possible.

It is starting to feel like a run-volution (<–like that? a riff on ‘evolution?’ Ok I am a dork, what can I say?) of sorts. And I am really digging it. I actually caught myself smiling as I ran with M yesterday. And realized my mind was wandering on things other than my run. Gasp! Is it really working? Am I really running for fun and actually *having* fun?

I do believe I am.

And I sure as hell hope this continues. Because as my mind wanders, it starts to go back to the ‘what-if’s’ – the what if ‘this sticks’ and what if I naturally start to again want to run longer, explore my limits again? Well, my friends, the sky is the limit. And I will always be the first one to say ‘never say never’ to any of that. 

And that’s what I love most about running. The constant run-volution. The constant ‘why I run’ answer (it’s always evolving, er, run-volving, and I LOVE that, as my sis pointed out too!). The constant growth, change, motivation.

It’s why I never stop. It’s why I will keep forging on. It’s why I am always looking for that breakthrough moment. I feel it could very well be near. And I hope it is. Either way? I am running for fun. And it feels simply great.

~~

Well, friends, I am off to Atlanta today for the Digital Summit. A quick two-day trip, flying home Thursday night. These are the trips I like. Quick, same time zone, and about social media? Bring it on. AND as a huge bonus? I get to attend the conference WITH Lee from In My Tummy (who actually mentioned this conference to me, thank you!) and Tina from Best Body Fitness. I won’t lie…I am most excited about meeting them both, and a close second is actually attending the conference and social-media-geeking-out ;-)

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