And by we, I mean society.
I’ve read so many articles about a certain celebrity who shall remain nameless (because I don’t honestly want to focus on *that* either!) and her quickie marriage and pending divorce, and several blogs on the same topic, but this one from Emma at Divorced Before 30 struck me most, on Divorce Stats for People in their 20′s, about just how common divorce is at this age range, and well, all ages, really.
But my question is…so what?
Why does it matter that divorce rates are high? (I realize I am going to get a lot of differing opinions on this one!!)
Why do so many automatically start judging?
Why does it feel like a black mark (or appear as one)?
And why does it feel like failure? The ultimate life failure, at that.
I guess since I have gone through it, I just don’t see it as a negative anymore. I don’t see it as failure (clearly!), I don’t judge (nor did I previously either). More than ever, I think divorce is almost a fact of life where many have been touched by it or affected by it. If they were not divorced, someone in their family is, or a friend, or a coworker.
As much as I believe in the sanctity of marriage (and yes, I can believe in it, even though I am divorced, I firmly believe) and as much as I want to be married again…to be a wife, to have a husband, I don’t think there is always ‘just one’ person for everyone out there. Clearly, this was not the case for me. There are plenty of examples where this is the case for some (I obviously have many friends and family that are married to who I believe, are their ‘just one’), but I just don’t think it’s that black and white anymore. I just feel so strongly about this and get so frustrated when I read headline after headline about divorce and they are always negative.
Why can’t there be a happy ending? There can…because there almost always is a happy ending after divorce.
I am living proof.
I know many that are reaching (or reached) their happy ending (hello Shannon, Sunshine/CBG, T, Nicki, Sally, SingleishMom, Misty, Soccer Mom, Magnolia, Ronda, New Beginnings, Ms Brookie, and Emma, just to name a few!!) post-divorce. And that makes me so incredibly happy to see, because it takes bravery and courage to get through divorce. Divorce takes guts. Divorce is not failure. Divorce is, in some cases, a triumph. Divorce is, in some cases, the best decision ever made for you (*raising hand*).
If we talk about divorce so much…I just wish it was portrayed more realistically. Like this. Celebrated for what you become on the other side, not trashed because maybe you made a bad decision, or maybe there are circumstances that nobody understands that led to divorce.
Divorce, at its simplest, yet most gut-wrenching form, means irretrievably broken. But it also means finding out what you are made of, and how to use it as an inflection point in your life towards the better.
The life you were meant to live.