I came back from our whirlwind Northern and Southern California travels and kind of didn’t know which end was up!
From wine tastings, fabulous dinners and even a little sun, to a long-awaited epic meetup (with the beautiful Heather AND Dorry!), showing M around my work digs and well, working, it felt like quite the 7 day excursion!
A little taste of our week:
Only to come home and realize…holy wow, this is really happening. In less than 30 days, we will move into our home that will become the next stage in our lives for as long as…who knows. The longevity and permanence, in a way, of this move is finally starting to sink in, and let me tell you, it just feels pretty incredible.
Every time I start to get overwhelmed with the thought of packing and moving, I take a step back and smile.
Every time I start to think of our future together as we continue planning our marriage, I take a step back and smile (even bigger!).
Every time I start to think about my life and how firmly planted right where I am meant to be, I smile (the biggest).
This life has truly taught me so much over the last (almost) five years, I cannot even put into words. All I can do is continue to be grateful, continue to step back and continue to thank God for the life he has now put in front of me.
The other day, I was chatting with a few barre n9ne clients after class, about buying a house, and getting married, and mentioned that I had been a homeowner before, years ago, and had to short sell my house, but this is the first time M is going to be a homeowner. Oh and this is the second marriage for me, and for M. And oh, by the way, we are both *only* 33.
As I said those words, and they remarked that I didn’t *look* 33 (why thank you, lol), I thought to myself. Huh. We’ve done a lot in 33 years, the two of us, haven’t we? So many big ‘life events’ yet, we are *only* 33.
I walked to my car and thought about it even more…and ya know what? There’s been a lot of livin’ in those years.
And as I read this guest post that I wrote for Healthy Chicks, I thought about it even more…we’ve lived a lot in our years, haven’t we??
I’ve remarked on this before that while of course nobody *wants* to get divorced, or take a (huge) loss on a house they purchased, I actually feel pretty fortunate to have experienced those things. Marriage. Home buying. And even divorce and selling that house for basically pennies on the dollar for what we paid for it.
As M and I take one step closer each day towards marriage, and buying our first home together, I just feel as though my life, every single step of it, has been so ridiculously intentional, with so many lessons meant to be learned, that my heart feels as though it might burst with love, happiness, and gratitude. n’t regret those decisions. Fortunate because I am truly a better person, a stronger, happier, more confident person. And fortunate because so many in life may not have had the joy of marriage, or buying a home. And I never want to look at those experiences as negative or a black mark in my history book.
I just want to soak in every minute, even the stressful and chaotic ones, and think about my life the way it has been laid out for me to live. There’s been a lot of livin’ in those years…and so much *more* to be lived.
In the last week or so, we’ve started quietly lifting the covers on some of the details of how we plan to marry, and it’s starting to feel so much more real than it ever has before.
…on my drive to barre n9ne today, I had a vision of how it’ll appear, and I felt as though I was literally glowing from the inside out *just* at the image in my mind of how things will unfold…
…as I shared some details with family members this weekend, and their smiles and approvals and excitement made my heart happy.
…as I stare into M’s eyes and know, without a shadow of a doubt, that he will be the most amazing husband, and I will do my best to live up to all that *he* is to me.
…gazing at *a dress* that may be ‘it’…enough said.
…choosing rings that will be ours forever.
…and imagining *this time* back when I really couldn’t imagine my life now, at a point where everything had crumbled around me. It truly takes my breath away.
My life – our lives together - is becoming a reality like I never dreamed it, and I couldn’t feel more blessed or alive.
“Believe in yourself and all that you are…Know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle.”
…even when you have doubts. …even during moments of self image weakness. ….even when it scares you. believe in yourself. always.
“There’s no need to be perfect to inspire others…let others get inspired by how you handle your imperfections“
…perfection isn’t realistic. …perfection isn’t happy. …inspiration comes from happiness, overcoming, and perseverance. …quietly inspire someone today, or BE inspired today.
“If it scares you..it might be a good thing to try.”
…unseat comfort zones (this means me, too!). …stick your neck out, you’ll never be dissapointed that you did. …do LIFE differently.
“You cannot change the people around you, but you can change the people you choose to BE around.”
…CHOOSE your friends. …step away from those don’t meet you halfway. …draw a line in the sand, because there’s no sense spreading yourself so thin you don’t enjoy living.
“Someone is thankful for less than YOU have”
…hi, humbleness. …house? it’ll come. …able bodied? check. …imperfections? We all have ‘em. …live blessed, happy, gracious lives.
“I have no time for your negative bullshit.”
…no words needed. universal.truth.
Just some thoughts swirling today…these happen to be my universal truths walking around as affirmations I need to hear more often than I sometimes want to admit. But at the core of it? This life is meant to be a challenge, so choose it, it is meant to be lived, so shrug off the negativity, it is meant to be learned from, so stare straight at it and grasp what it’s telling you.
Sometimes, shifting my focusis harder than others. But as I have gotten the hang of it as I have needed to shift my focus and perspective at times, I am at a point where I want to make it a vow…to always shift my focus. Because when you do, it does wonders for the soul.
For example…
Instead of dreading my Sunday morning flight to the annual sales kick off for my company in Southern California, complaining that I *only* have one weekend day and will be sad to leave M….
I will shift my focus and embrace every minute of my abbreviated weekend, I will plan ahead, I will pack early, I will get settled so I can thoroughly enjoy what I do have. Teaching at barre n9ne (yay), seeing a few open houses (double yay!) and then a leisurely date night in dinner (triple yay – recreating the first meal M ever made for me!).
Instead of stressing over un-routine while away Sunday – Wednesday…
I will shift my focus and embrace it, plain and simple. There is nothing I can do to change it, so I will adjust, I will plan ahead, I will be normal, and I will go with the flow (something incredibly difficult for me but I am learning!!). I will also enjoy the 60 degree temperate jump (from the 1 degree it was here yesterday…) even though it will rain almost the whole time (shifting, shifting…)
Instead of complaining about having to travel for work…
I will shift my focusand give myself a huge dose of reality: this is my last work trip alone for the foreseeable future (M will be with me on my trip in April, yay!) and let’s be honest: I work from home. I have flexibility with my job (and it is a job I love!), and when I do travel, it’s to sunny, warm Orange County. Seriously right now?! Self: stop being lame.
Instead of wishing and wanting to run longer, farther, better…
I will shift my focus and realize that my IT band is getting stronger, and I got to run TWICE this week with ZERO pain (yay!) and I am able-bodied to do so many other things – spin, walk, barre…this is just a blip in the radar, and far bigger issues in this world than the inability to run for a month or two.
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Writing out my thoughts sometimes helps me process them, of course, but also see how strong the mind really is. If you let it go haywire, you will lose perspective, harness a skewed reality, and focus on the wrong things…and be negative.
If you shift your focus and really see the bottom line on the things that nag at you? You will harness them into a better, happier, more positive reality – the REAL reality of life…that in the grand scheme of it, these ‘things’ or frustrations are just that – things. In the grand scheme of it, life is amazing, and every obstacle, frustration or challenge is an opportunity to flourish and prove to yourself what you are capable of, in mind, body and soul.
