Tag Archives: self-image

May7

Throwbacks on comparison and number fixation.

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Throwbacks on comparison and number fixation.

After a most perfect weekend of unplanned-ness, good, quality time with M, and the downtime I’ve been craving (like whoa), I sit here somewhat amazed at a few things I realized about my habits and how they’ve changed.

In particular? Comparison and number fixation. 

These are two things that have dogged me big time in the past year, where I allowed comparing myself to others, including my sister Jess and to well, just about anyone, and my fixation on numbers (namely – the scale) to drag me down and lose sight of my achievements and progress.

There were two instances where I had an amazing a-ha moment that made me realize that I’ve come a lot farther than I really even realized. So, I call this a ‘throwback’ of sorts because I recall it being just about this time last year where I was neck-deep in a downward spiral of self negativity with relation to comparison and number fixation.

The first instance? Running.

At this point last year, I was struggling to embrace running, to love it as much as I proclaimed. To want to run another half marathon. And while I did run another half marathon last year, it was also that experience that made me realize that I am NOT a racer. But deep down? I was comparing myself to my sister. And her amazing PR. And wondering ‘why not me?’ WHY can’t I do it? Why is she better than me?

Fast forward to this weekend. My sister and brother in law ran a kick-ass half marathon…another PR. And I don’t think I could have been prouder if I tried. I was beaming when she texted me her finish. I was excited and proud to see all of the congratulatory tweets and Facebook posts. I reveled in it. And I didn’t feel an ounce of jealousy, frustration or ‘why not me?’ moments. In fact, I channeled her ‘run happy’ mantra on my own run that morning with M, as we spontaneously decided to find a new route. And ya know what? I ran happy.

Compare THAT to last year? I can’t even describe how happy that makes me. I’m not comparing anymore. I’ve released myself of it. And instead? I’m proud of her, and happily running my own way.

~~

The second instance? I decided to weigh myself this weekend, after not weighing myself since December. I honestly had no idea what the scale would say. Of course, I hoped it would be lower than when I weighed in December, but told myself to only do it if I knew I could handle what it said.

So, as I waited to teach my barre n9ne class on Sunday, I stepped on the scale. And looked down. At first, I was happy. It was below my goal weight of that December timeframe. But then my mind automatically started to want to compare. At first, I did. And then I brushed it off. And then I did it again. I started to fixate. But it was half-hearted. I didn’t WANT to compare, or fixate, or obsess. I taught my class, I channeled my frustration (and probably killed my clients, hehe, but hey, what’s a little extra sweat on a Sunday Funday?!). I looked in the mirror. In my brand-new Lululemon outfit that I couldn’t believe I was wearing. Crops I never thought I could rock. And I smiled. I felt good. The number started not to matter so much, or rather, I started to own that number, to be proud of it, and not lose sight of all that I’ve accomplished in the ‘year of barre n9ne’.

On my drive home, I thought about it some more. And I realized something that really drove it home for me. A proportional loss that made me realize that I had, indeed, worked so hard, accomplishing a number that I wanted to own, rather than ‘wish away’ into a lower, phantom number, I embraced it. 100%. 

And that, my friends, are two examples of harnessing two very almost-paralyzing habits – comparison and number fixation – and instead, embracing and celebrating the change, the progress, and the determination that I’ve worked so hard for. There’s no such thing as comparison…to anyone but yourself. 

This one needs zero explanation. Zero.

Apr25

On recognizing opportunity and never looking back.

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On recognizing opportunity and never looking back.

One year ago, my sister Jess and I stepped into barre n9ne studio for our very first class…

…and we’ve never looked back.

Two weeks later, we won the barre n9ne 60 day challenge.

…and we’ve never looked back.

There’s something to be said for not looking back. For reflecting on the past, but looking forward. For taking and recognizing a huge opportunity and making it your own.

It doesn’t have to be a fitness-related opportunity (of course). It can be anything you set your mind to, any goal, any passion. It is sometimes easier to step into a challenge, get through it, and then be done with it, and move on to the next.

Can you imagine if I had done that with the 60 day challenge? Finished in July 2011 and left it at that? I would have lost out on one of the biggest opportunities and blessings in my life. An opportunity to finally hit that ‘reach goal’ that I never even dreamed was possible. To gain confidence, kick the self-image battling, shape my body into something I am proud of, and finally attain my goal of teaching something I am passionate about. To push myself out of my comfort zone...for an entire year, and reap the rewards ten-fold.

This is my call to you: is there something you are facing, a challenge, a goal, a new chapter in your life and you hesitate because you’re afraid? Or think you aren’t capable? Or think it’s too scary or too much of a risk? Well, guess what…it’s not. Life is meant for risk-taking, otherwise, what are we doing with our lives, except trudging through it day by day.

My life looks so incredibly different today than it did a year ago. And this is why.

The first step is to recognize the opportunity.

Identify it AS an opportunity, not a risk, a threat, an insurmountable challenge.

Make it your own.

And never look back.

Apr23

Spreading the barre n9ne passion!

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Spreading the barre n9ne passion!

If the epic surprise party wasn’t enough, this weekend also included the grand opening of the new barre n9ne studio, (which just so happens to be a mere 3 miles from where I live), an event we’d all been gearing up for excitedly for weeks. My sister Jess and I have been working hard behind the scenes, gathering some fantastic sponsors, including Zico, Coach’s Oats, popchips, Vita Coco, Chobani and Love Grown Foods’ Granola (see Jess’s post here with more details too!) and the day came off without a hitch.

But beyond that, I was so thrilled to be part of a team that cares so deeply about this studio, about its success and expansion, and the passion we all have for barre-style workouts, and not just *any* barre-style workout, but barre n9ne method, specifically. As Tanya introduced all of us, and our backgrounds, I just tried to capture the memory and sear it into my brain, because a year ago?

None of this even seemed fathomable.

It wasn’t even a thought in my mind. A year ago, I was unhappy in myself, my body, my self-image and distastrous ability to tear myself apart at the drop of a hat. But today? I don’t think I could be much happier than I am and I truly credit this journey with so much of that change and happiness. I’ve grown in so many ways, I’ve met incredible and inspiring people and seen equally incredible progress and ability in the clients of barre n9ne. And this next phase? Not only experiencing its growth but being instrumental in making it a success? Truly a blessing. 

Walking around and talking to prospective clients and new and longtime clients was an absolute joy. It was an adrenaline rush to hear the excitement in people’s voices, hearing our stories of the inagural 60-day challenge we won and have since helped carry forth into an epic success for so many others, hearing their compliments, saying things like “you can tell this stuff really works, the instructors really fit the image of lean and tone and fit!” You can’t pay someone to say that, ya know? It’s passion and truth. 

Beyond the demo classes (that were so fun to do together!), and the food, and the fun and fruity drinks, seeing the studio alive, and seeing how far this studio – and we – have come, was an incredible experience.  I cannot thank Tanya enough for taking a chance on us last April. Because ever since that day? I’ve not gone halfway and stopped. I’ve not ‘just’ gone for the field goal. There is no such thing as anything less than a touchdown. Go all the way.

~~

And now, some pictures. Enjoy! (and thank you to all of our sponsors!!)

The barre n9ne family of fabulous instructors (and our 'barre-tender' and bestie Steph!)

Jess and I in our super fabulous barre n9ne attire (oh, how I adore pink!)

Demo class #1 (for real, that upper body segment always kills me! Check out that game face!)

barre n9ne bag, anyone? ;-)

demo class #2 (I think?)

The goods! Everyone LOVED all of the treats we had for them to take with them (and I loved it all too!)

PS: I taught my first 6 am class this morning and while it was a very small class, one of the very first women I talked to, a past client who had moved and was now much closer to this studio, came in for her first class in maybe a year. It was just incredible to see how happy she was to be back at it. What a way to start a Monday!!

Mar19

It’s okay if the weekend is over…

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It’s okay if the weekend is over…

Because…

…even though it was packed to the gills, it wasn’t overscheduled. This makes all the difference, I do believe.

…I enjoyed a leisurely 3+ hours over sushi and wine with some lovelies. We talked, we laughed, we ate some best sushi ever. The end.

…I spent a log-less Saturday as a ‘test run’ and it went swimmingly. All about balance and good choices. Maybe I can do this after all.

…I woke up at a ‘leisurely’ 8 am both Saturday and Sunday. Fully rested.

…I had sort of a craptastic run on Saturday. But I powered through and am not overthinking it. There’s always this week’s runs, right?

…Spent Saturday evening with M’s parents for dinner. And discussed visiting the Azores in Portugal together sometime in the next few years. Yes, please.

…Enjoyed a leisurely Sunday with my grandparents in Maine, where we ate corned beef and cabbage (um, yum! haven’t had that in eons!) and enjoyed every minute of our time together (I especially enjoyed the time on the deck with Gram, as she remarked ‘so when are you two getting married? He’s a good man.” (*swoon*).

…it felt like June in March. At 79 degrees on Sunday, we had every window open, took a walk in tank top and shorts and ate dinner (grilled shrimp salad and a glass of rose!) on the deck. Bliss.

…I caught a glimpse of my legs in my lulu run shorts for said walk, and actually really liked what I saw.

…looking forward to almost a full week of incredibly unseasonable temperatures for walks, runs, and perhaps a skinny cow ice cream or two.

It’s okay if the weekend is over because it’s been chock full but not overscheduled. And that makes all the difference in the world.

What makes it okay that the weekend is over for you? #itsthelittlethings

NOTE: if you cannot comment on my post, I understand from WordPress that you must create a WordPress login in order to comment. It’s ass-backward if you ask me, commenting should be OPEN, but I digress. If it’s not working for you and you want to comment, that’s the only thing I’ve heard that works. Sorry, friends! :/

Mar12

On starting from the ground up.

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On starting from the ground up.

Sometimes, when I re-read some of my posts, I sit back and think about where I’ve been and how far I’ve come. And I don’t even mean that in a ‘patting myself on the back’ sort of way. I think back to my roots, in every sense of it, and how going from the lowest of lows to the highest of highs makes you appreciate that much more what you have and what you have built up for yourself.

It’s so easy to take for granted the life you have, once it’s filled to a point where you are content. Where you are still building, but you are stable, have what you need to live, but also to share and give back. To pay it forward. Paying it forward in the form of giving back to those that are still ‘building’ is the ultimate proof point that you can give back…some of that life that’s been built around you.

I think this feeling has been with me lately as I look around at the from-scratch moves I’ve made.

Financially. This was by far one of the biggest feats for me to rebuild. Almost literally from scratch. Going from being a homeowner with two steady middle class incomes to one income, a forced short sale and onslaught of debt and recovery to come was…trying, to say the least. Juggling which credit card to pay down first, to finding a job that would give me the boost in pay that I needed (and deserved!), to patiently building my credit back up. To finally putting a real budget together instead of just doing the head-in-the-sand game and avoiding banking of any kind until each paycheck arrived (resulting in many an overdraft…oy.). To now…finally feeling able to save again, to build that fabled ‘security blanket’ fund that I’ve never had before, to helping those that need it, picking up the tab, buying a gift ‘just because.’ Thankful. Blessed. Never taken for granted.

Starting from the ground up…financially.

Myself. Looking back, and in reading some other recent blogs from those going through the 180 degree  transformation that is divorce, I can firmly say that I started from scratch. From ground zero. A blank slate. The past came rushing to mind this morning as I woke up from one of those haunting dreams where I’m still with my ex-husband (doesn’t even matter what the details of the actual dream were) and it’s as though I stepped back in to my ‘old’ self, the me I’ve done so much to completely rebuild…from the ground up. The relief that spread across me as I rolled over and kissed M on the cheek, trying not to wake him, but just to make sure he was real, this was real, I am here, now, the me I’ve developed…was so powerful. Thankful. Blessed. Never taken for granted.

Starting from the ground up…myself.

The life around me. I am struck by how much I am living my life for me right now. After I re-read my post last weekend, I realized how very fortunate I am to be able to spend an entire weekend centered around things I want to do. For me. Just me. And maybe that’s considered selfish to some, or too self-centric, there was a time where I didn’t do for me, I didn’t see the value, and at the stage of my life that I’m in, I’m taking it and running with it. I am living it, because I can, and I want to. And I won’t apologize for that. Everyone has their priorities in their lives, their goals, their passions. The things that I do on the weekend are mine. Cue this past weekend, for example. To have spent a large majority of it barre n9ne training, certifying and teaching…that’s not something anyone has the time to do or even wants to do. But to be able to follow my passion and to shift it into something I also do for others, for a living? Is incredible. Not everyone gets the opportunity to do this. To have the time to devote to, and maintain, and build up.  Thankful. Blessed. Never taken for granted.

Starting from the ground up…the life around me.

Starting from the ground up….makes you appreciate the highs so much more once you’ve seen the low.