Tag Archives: self

On life and musings in bullets.

My mind is a jumble lately, bullets are what I could muster. Not one specific thing in mind, but I miss writing. I miss sharing. So here it is, for whoever may still be out there lurking ;-)

  • I have no idea where my writing mojo has gone, but it has yet again left the building. And it again makes me wonder if I want to keep blogging. I *do* but sometimes I don’t have as much to say, and that has been happening far more than it used to. I’m boring, what can I say ;-)
  • I’m getting LASIK!!!! GAH!! Finally! I am a little skeered, but I know it will be SO worth it. 24 years in the making, as I was all of 10 when I got my first pair of green-rimmed, speckled, huge-a$$ glasses. And they were, h-a-w-t, HAWT. (not. clearly).
  • In juuuust about a month, M and I are heading to Sonoma!! No, we aren’t doing a huge epic wine country mecca outing per our usual this year (insert sad face. but 2015 trip, THAT shall be epic, yes?). He has a conference out there to attend and I am fortunate enough to get to tag along. And since we won’t have our bigger trip there this summer, we (somewhat) last minute decided to extend our stay and are staying three more days in Healdsburg, about 45 mins from where we are staying for the conference. It is our mecca, it is where we got married, of course, and it is where our hearts lie, in so many ways. It’ll be a much-needed time for us to get away, flit about relatively unplanned, connect, and lose that burn-out feeling that life tends to hand us, especially during the brutal winter we’ve been having up in here of late!
  • Speaking of winter, I am ridiculously thrilled that spring may be FINALLY making an appearance around here, and spring running (among many other things) can finally commence. I’ve tried to keep up outdoor runs at least once  a week (with Jess, when we can together!) so I don’t feel as though I am starting over from ‘mill running all winter, and that has been hugely helpful.
  • I’ve been obsessed with roasting a sh*ton of veggies and feasting on them all week. And with experimenting with new flavors and textures – lentils, farro, and my latest – TOFU! Such a foodgasm of late, admittedly ;-)
  • I continue to work on that relaxing and letting go thing, in all areas, including mental mind games, mindfulness when it comes to eating (vs stressing over what I eat! who has time for that? it’s silliness. I remind myself constantly), and reveling in living UNplanned. I’ve found that in some cases, I need to embrace plans now, vs. trying to NOT make them. Is that ironic, or what?
  • And, last but not least, yesterday marked 6 months since Nala’s passing. It was admittedly a rough day, with many more tears than I expected, starting with a #runforNala to the tune of 6 miles for 6 months. I have dreamed of her almost nightly lately, some are sad dreams, some are happy. She’s just so freshly with me and sometimes it surprises me to the point of tears. Anyway, with that in mind, I am lamenting a memorial run for the one year anniversary. 12 miles for 12 months for Nala and 1(.1!) for Kayla (who has been amazing lately, so cuddly, so loving, so NEEDED) to the tune of my ‘own‘ 13.1, the way I’ve loved to hit this number the last couple of years. Not a racer, but I do enjoy hitting that number each year at least once, just for fun ;-) More on that later. Just rambling now.

Okay, I think that’s about it, for what’s jumbled in my brain right now. Not a pretty post, not overly thoughtful or even very humorous, but it’s what I got ;)

On humbleness, respect, and reality checks.

Lately, I’ve felt like I’ve gotten hints, reminders, little lessons in humbleness and it’s really made me stop and think, stop and change, stop and shift.

It reminds me that I’m not perfect. That my journey is not over, it’s lifelong.

For example, my fitness journey? Of the barre n9ne variety? It continues. Practicing mindfulness in eating. It takes committment. It’s not a sprint. Ever.  Practicing ‘smarter not harder’ is also ongoing. I can’t cram it all in, but what I do know is whatever ‘me’ workouts I get a week, go big or go home.

Don’t half ass a run.

Don’t take a class but zone out…zone IN.

Focus. Drink it all in. Learn more (because there is always, always, ALWAYS more to learn, even after almost two years instructing). I feel invigorated in this new season – literally and figuratively – as I set my own mini goals, to continue growing, refining and challenging myself, my body. As an instructor  at barre n9ne, to continue bettering my abilities, and being humbled by the knowledge that I can always always always improve. And that I want to always improve. Strive for better. Strive for stronger. Not only a passion but a committment. 

It reminds me that respect, trust and honor are three traits never to be taken lightly, or for granted.

These things take time to build, and an instant to be crushed instantly. This weekend, I mourn that this was taken from me, in a friendship I very much respected, trusted and honored, and as much as it saddens, shocks and upsets me very deeply, I know that sometimes, its irreparable…once the damage has been done, there’s truly no going back. And I realize how much I value those traits and how much I value the friends that do respect, trust and honor. That commit to a friendship 10000%, and it is making me reach out to those friends most right now. That I value more than maybe they even know.

It’s felt like I have gotten a few of these lessons in humbleness, respect, and reality checks this week, and I sit here, readying myself for the week ahead, I feel renewed. Clear-minded. Ready. Leave it all behind, and move forward, embrace the journey, the good and the not so good, because it all shapes you, it makes you better, and it gives you perspective.

As I read Jeff Goins’ latest newsletter (the genius behind the Slow Down Challenge), my jumble of thoughts here came together…he writes:

A thought came to mind. In the pursuit of our dreams, maybe we need to remember two things:

How far we’ve come.

How far we still have to go.

One makes us grateful, and the other makes us humble. And I think we need both those things in order to do great work without going crazy.

Without humility, we’ll become arrogant or settle for less than our best. And without gratitude, we’ll never be content and make those around us miserable.

The best art comes from a place of both contentment and unrest. It’s a paradox. We need to always be striving for better and at the same time resting in who we are, not just what we do.

As you attempt greatness today (whatever that looks like for you), I hope you’ll consider this. I hope you’ll take note of how far you’ve come and still how far you’ve yet to go.

I don’t think I could have put it any better if I tried. Attempt greatness today, practice gratitude, embrace humility.

Could it really be?

Five years, (almost) since my journey truly began?

One that was born out of divorce, that brought me to the here and now?

As I thought about what  I wanted to post today for a barre n9ne studio instagram challenge we are doing (#b9thinkspring – 7 days of photos, from favorite pre-workout snack, to spring accessory, to someone that inspires you, to something you are thankful for), there was no question about it: I give thanks for my life, this life, the one I am living each and every day, the life I have lived  as true to self as I ever have, since that day in October 2008 where my (now) ex-husband told me he wanted a divorce.

Five years. Just about five years ago?

I have no words. Just this quote, which pretty much sums it up.

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Happy weekend friends…I hope you are thankful too, for wherever you are in life, for wherever it has brought you, for who you are, as a result. Be inspired.

 

Progress…(somewhat) under wraps.

First of all, thank you so much for your kind words, well wishes, and support for us as we launch into our first home together! It truly means so much to have so many, near and far, care, send support, and pray for us. More than words can say.

(and reading, and rereading all of your comments just makes this feel so much more real, I can’t even stand it! wheeeeeee!!)

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I feel as though – again – I’m silently moving ahead with our plans, to live, to marry, to be and I am not quite sharing it all here. Yes, it is purposeful. Yes, it is with some sense of intent. And yes, it is worth doing this the way we want to do it, and moreso, for ME to do it this way. M knows about my blog, of course (though he used to not, as some of you know!), and supports whatever I decide, in terms of how disclosive I am here, and in ‘real life’ with regard to…well, us.

But at the same time, I *miss* sharing some of this excitement and progress here. And I plan to post more on these things, but probably more so after they have happened, similar to discussing our house plans. Partially out of fear of the proverbial ‘jinx’ and partially because privacy is often underrated, I think. And I need to respect that  - for me, and us – more now than I ever have before.

…just know that good things are in store. Big things. Fabulous things. Uniting things. Soon. Relatively soon. And it’s so damn awesome, I can hardly contain myself. Clearly.

Progress…under wraps.

*file under: being secretive* <–though it is so damn hard!!

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In other not-so-secretive progress ‘news’ – it’s amazing how each day, I feel more and more in tune with my body. More ‘in love’ with me, versus writhing against who I am, my body, my habits. I feel like I own them more, I am confident behind them, and don’t need as many crutches as I have in the past.

I own my eating habits. I know my body. I know what fuels it. I know what it likes. I know how to keep it balanced. And that has taken so long to get a handle on…but it’s been so worth it!

I continue to focus on balancing the ‘smarter, not harder’ mantra, especially when I want to tiptoe over that line because I love what I do so much. I love to teach, yet I love to take classes, yet I love to run. But I can’t do it all, every single day. I need to choose, be selective, yet still get my ‘me’ workouts in where I can and where makes the most sense. Some days are harder than others to realize this, but then I go back to two things: be smart. And embrace the ability.

And, I continue to focus on being my own best friend, loving myself for what it can do, not for what (I perceive it to) not be able to do or look like. Nobody is perfect, so why not strive for excellence, balance, and happiness, instead? Life is too short for perfection, IMHO ;-)

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So…life progresses. In so many good ways. And also in some upcoming challenging ways. But I feel ready. Far more ready than I ever have. And that is worth rejoicing, and embracing, isn’t it? 

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Affirmations.

“Believe in yourself and all that you are…Know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle.”

…even when you have doubts.
…even during moments of self image weakness.
….even when it scares you.
believe in yourself. always.

“There’s no need to be perfect to inspire others…let others get inspired by how you handle your imperfections

…perfection isn’t realistic.
…perfection isn’t happy.
…inspiration comes from happiness, overcoming, and perseverance.
…quietly inspire someone today, or BE inspired today.

“If it scares you..it might be a good thing to try.”

…unseat comfort zones (this means me, too!).
…stick your neck out, you’ll never be dissapointed that you did.
…do LIFE differently.

“You cannot change the people around you, but you can change the people you choose to BE around.”

…CHOOSE your friends.
…step away from those don’t meet you halfway.
…draw a line in the sand, because there’s no sense spreading yourself so thin you don’t enjoy living.

“Someone is thankful for less than YOU have”

…hi, humbleness.
…house? it’ll come.
…able bodied? check.
…imperfections? We all have ‘em.
…live blessed, happy, gracious lives.

“I have no time for your negative bullshit.”

…no words needed. universal.truth.

Just some thoughts swirling today…these happen to be my universal truths walking around as affirmations I need to hear more often than I sometimes want to admit. But at the core of it? This life is meant to be a challenge, so choose it, it is meant to be lived, so shrug off the negativity, it is meant to be learned from, so stare straight at it and grasp what it’s telling you. 

Cheers friends!

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