Tag Archives: success

May23

Bits and pieces.

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Bits and pieces.

**Just some bits and pieces flitting through my brain that don’t quite make a post in of itself, but together, make a lil potpourri of thoughts that I don’t want to lose!**

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Can someone first explain to me, how is it *only* Wednesday? Whenever I travel, it feels like a time warp, backwards and forwards! Starts off with a bang and then mid-week, starts to wane, like whoa. I know I will catch my second wind for the tail end of my trip, but man, does traveling mess with me. Routine, baby, it’s where it’s at ;-)

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I am supremely amazed at how differently I’ve handled eating during this trip. While I have had several trips across three time zones since I started the barre n9ne challenge last year, which has made me more mindful and aware of eating when hungry, not out of habit or mindlessly, but this trip has just felt the most different of them all. For starters, I was *really* worried I’d be ridiculously hungry during Monday’s flight since it left at 8 am, and arrived at 2:30 pm (in my brain, but 11:30 PT) where I would have to endure what should be breakfast and lunch, yet only be barely lunchtime on the West Coast when I arrived.

For the first time, I forced myself to retrain my eating into West Coast times from the minute I stepped off the plane. And surprisingly? It worked! I wasn’t heinously hungry the entire flight, either. I scored some steel cut oats at the hotel (last minute score! Arm pump!) and just needed a banana to sustain me until I landed and could grab a bite once I got my car, maneuvered my way out of LA and go to my office, around 12:30 PT. That has seriously been my golden ticket this week. I haven’t woken up famished (hungry, but not wilting!), and I’ve generally been hungry at the ‘right’ times on the West Coast. Score.

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I ran outside – alone – for the first time EVER since  I started this job 18 months ago. (well, that’s not entirely true. I did run on the beach AT my hotel when I first started…but that doesn’t feel quite the same, since there were people everywhere. If that makes sense). I knew I wanted to finally run outside, when it would be light enough to do so safely (many of my trips up until this point have been during winter months where it was just too dark to do it previously). And so I would not get lost, I came up with a genius plan (if I do say so myself!). I ran FROM my hotel TO my office. Since I know the route by heart and it’s about 2.4 miles one way, making for a solid just about 5 mile route.

What most surprised me, beyond loving being outdoors and running IN Cali and ON flat, flat, FLAT roads was how PRETTY everything smelled. I smelled flowers everywhere. I heard birds chirping. I even heard the electrical wires above me buzzing. It was quiet, even on usually-busy main roads (it was 5:30 am, I guess I can see why). I LOVED it.

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We had our long-awaited event this week for work. (the reason I am out here this week) And it was SO cool to see an event come off without a hitch, one that my boss and I have been working on for months. It was fun to interact with those that arrived, from the students from a local college (that were part of the competition for this particular event), to my company’s executives, to the media that came, and to my co-workers, too. I finally felt comfortable chatting on the fly with people and not feeling like I stuck out like a sore thumb. Perhaps it goes back to feeling confident in who I am, for the first time pretty much ever, huh?

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This whole shifting focus, thing? Yeah, it’s REALLY working for me. I have not dreaded this trip much at all (besides the always hard goodbyes to M), I have looked forward to it. I have embraced the challenges, I have done new things (running alone, as I mentioned, for starters!), and I have just enjoyed the time and the opportunity. It has gone a long way, and I couldn’t be more glad, or more relieved at that.

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So far, it’s been a GREAT week. And I guess the bits and pieces flitting through my head culminates into more than I thought it would, huh? ;-)  

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PS – THANK YOU to everyone for all of your feedback, compliments, and support on my post yesterday. It meant so much to see such positive feedback and enthusiasm. I was nervous to post before and after pictures for a number of reasons, but am so glad the message I wanted to get through as part of that came shining through, rather than it being uber focused on numbers and such. THANK YOU!

I wish there was smellavision (er, blogavision?!) – those flowers smelled GOOD!

May22

A year later: before and after: there is no ‘end game.’

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A year later: before and after: there is no ‘end game.’

Visualize the end game. The result.

That’s what you’re supposed to do when you set out on a journey, a challenge, towards a goal.

But at first, I never could quite visualize the end game, the result, from the opportunity I was granted a year ago for the barre n9ne 60 day challenge.

Why?

Because I didn’t quite believe. In myself. Or even in the challenge facing me. Or in all that it could be, if I set my mind to it.

I was used to going halfway and stopping.

I was used to the field goal.

I had never achieved the results I wanted or thought I could attain. I didn’t believe in “smarter, not harder.” I didn’t believe, even, (not fully) in lifestyle change.

On day one, this was the me I was then. Not quite believing…hoping, not unable to visualize. 

Frustrated with myself physically, feeling like a hamster on a wheel spinning and spinning but with little to show for it, not understanding that I had lost the ability to see moderation in my eats, and having lower self esteem than I ever wanted to admit or be faced with. Day one of the 60 day challenge was a scary day for me. Because it meant facing the things that I had ignored and pushed aside for fear of number fixation, the reality of the situation and doing something I’d never done before. *Not* stopping at the field goal…but going for the touchdown.

The last year has been a year out of my comfort zone, and not only has it taught me that I have the power to reach the goals in which I set for myself, for perhaps the first time in my life, it’s also given me an opportunity I never thought possible. To pay forward what I have learned, in lifestyle changes, the power of a barre workout and how to finally – finally – be comfortable in my own skin.

And, as a result?…this is the me I am now.

When I took this picture, I saw it for the first time. The end game that I never thought possible. I had achieved the ‘after’ that I always envied on infomercials (even pooh-pooh’ing the words these ‘success story’ spokespeople said…words like life-changing, being the me I always wanted to be, etc), losing the inches, pants sizes and weight. Perhaps the best part of seeing this picture? Besides the renewed gleam in my eye that speaks happiness, confidence and pride?

Realizing that there is no end game.This is the life I have built for myself.

And it is the life that I will continue. Moderation, real, wholesome, fueling foods, and a love for barre n9ne, from teaching, to taking classes.  This life. A life that rails against the word ‘diet,’ that focuses on real foods, no gimmicks and the magic bullet of consistency that has opened the door to the happy medium I never thought was possible.

And ultimately? This is a life that I will continue to pay forward.  Because this happy medium life is pretty damn good . Thank you, Tanya, for your belief in us, to my sister Jess in sharing this journey with me (read her post here on her results and thoughts on the last year!), to the barre n9ne community for being such a supportive family (and believing in us then, as the first ‘challenges’ and now, as instructors), and to all of you – my family and friends, for supporting, encouraging and believing.

**as I hit ‘publish’ on this, know that it took a lot of thought and decision-making on posting my before and after pictures…because as much as this journey has of course, been about weight and inches lost, that’s not *all* it has been. I think that goes without saying…but, I just thought it was worth mentioning again.**

Apr23

Spreading the barre n9ne passion!

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Spreading the barre n9ne passion!

If the epic surprise party wasn’t enough, this weekend also included the grand opening of the new barre n9ne studio, (which just so happens to be a mere 3 miles from where I live), an event we’d all been gearing up for excitedly for weeks. My sister Jess and I have been working hard behind the scenes, gathering some fantastic sponsors, including Zico, Coach’s Oats, popchips, Vita Coco, Chobani and Love Grown Foods’ Granola (see Jess’s post here with more details too!) and the day came off without a hitch.

But beyond that, I was so thrilled to be part of a team that cares so deeply about this studio, about its success and expansion, and the passion we all have for barre-style workouts, and not just *any* barre-style workout, but barre n9ne method, specifically. As Tanya introduced all of us, and our backgrounds, I just tried to capture the memory and sear it into my brain, because a year ago?

None of this even seemed fathomable.

It wasn’t even a thought in my mind. A year ago, I was unhappy in myself, my body, my self-image and distastrous ability to tear myself apart at the drop of a hat. But today? I don’t think I could be much happier than I am and I truly credit this journey with so much of that change and happiness. I’ve grown in so many ways, I’ve met incredible and inspiring people and seen equally incredible progress and ability in the clients of barre n9ne. And this next phase? Not only experiencing its growth but being instrumental in making it a success? Truly a blessing. 

Walking around and talking to prospective clients and new and longtime clients was an absolute joy. It was an adrenaline rush to hear the excitement in people’s voices, hearing our stories of the inagural 60-day challenge we won and have since helped carry forth into an epic success for so many others, hearing their compliments, saying things like “you can tell this stuff really works, the instructors really fit the image of lean and tone and fit!” You can’t pay someone to say that, ya know? It’s passion and truth. 

Beyond the demo classes (that were so fun to do together!), and the food, and the fun and fruity drinks, seeing the studio alive, and seeing how far this studio – and we – have come, was an incredible experience.  I cannot thank Tanya enough for taking a chance on us last April. Because ever since that day? I’ve not gone halfway and stopped. I’ve not ‘just’ gone for the field goal. There is no such thing as anything less than a touchdown. Go all the way.

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And now, some pictures. Enjoy! (and thank you to all of our sponsors!!)

The barre n9ne family of fabulous instructors (and our 'barre-tender' and bestie Steph!)

Jess and I in our super fabulous barre n9ne attire (oh, how I adore pink!)

Demo class #1 (for real, that upper body segment always kills me! Check out that game face!)

barre n9ne bag, anyone? ;-)

demo class #2 (I think?)

The goods! Everyone LOVED all of the treats we had for them to take with them (and I loved it all too!)

PS: I taught my first 6 am class this morning and while it was a very small class, one of the very first women I talked to, a past client who had moved and was now much closer to this studio, came in for her first class in maybe a year. It was just incredible to see how happy she was to be back at it. What a way to start a Monday!!

Mar26

On overthinking.

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On overthinking.

Overthinking Ollie hasn’t made an appearance in quite some time.

For that, I am extremely proud. (especially as kicking that overthinking tailspin came at the exact right time in my life, because I was heading down a very ugly path in my head, otherwise).

But that doesn’t mean she doesn’t rear her ugly head now and again and I have to tamp it down ever so gently (yet firmly).

You see, overthinking leads to negativity.

Overthinking leads to going for the field goal, and not the touchdown.

Overthinking leads to comparison, fear and losing trust and faith.

All of these things I have worked so hard to quell and have honestly conquered pretty damn well, I do believe.

But sometimes, overthinking rears its ugly head and I need to remind myself just how far I’ve come. In life, love, my job, and my body.

Harness that, and not the negative, questioning, comparing that can be so ugly.

This is me reminding myself to keep that overthinking Ollie at bay. Cuz I got this. 

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PS check out this fantastic article from Emma…she interviewed me for the article and I am so proud of how it came out. Thank you for the opportunity to share my story and how I harnessed my divorce to turn it into an experience that shapes me to this day. When Overachievers Divorce. 

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Edited: WordPress.com made changes to commenting, out of the author’s control. If you have a WordPress account tied to the e-mail address you’re using to comment (even if it’s old, or one you don’t use), you mustsign in with that account to comment. Otherwise, just use a different e-mail? Or make one up. Frustrating and an extra step, but it seems to be the only thing that is working!

Mar22

Throwbacks: a panic attack, revisited.

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Throwbacks: a panic attack, revisited.

**Here’s a throwback of a different kind. Most of these have been recaps of stories I’ve shared on my old blog, about my divorce, or things I haven’t shared here, that are part of my story that some of you may not have read. This story and journey I have recapped here. The story of the first year of my new job and all the ups, downs and in-betweens…**

It was this day, a year ago, that my boss went on maternity leave 10 days early. And a day that I had my very first panic attack. Something I’d never experienced before. Suddenly, a wave of nausea, fear and well, panic washed over me. I was scared. I wasn’t ready (or so I felt). And to top it off, I was going to Jamaica in two days (given my boss did not think she was going to go early as it was her first child, my scheduling a trip right before she left didn’t seem to be a big deal…at the time!).

The perfect storm to cultivate a panic attack, no?

I remember sitting at my desk, in my old apartment, texting M frantically, IMing my sister Jess, and tweeting out my feelings to anyone and no one at the same time…scared and worried and wondering how the hell I was going to make it through three months without my boss, my safety blanket and security net, still very new to my job and to working for a global company (speaking of, I had my first call with our China PR team that night, a call I rarely joined, let alone had to lead!) and many names, faces and personalities to cope with. I had a list a mile long of notes, reminders, who to send what and when, yet I was still scared and feeling very unprepared.

And it was then that M said to me: “remember, it’s okay to lose to your opponent, but you shouldn’t lose to fear.”

And that statement, as simple as it sounds, was exactly what I needed to face the next 12 weeks. It was probably the hardest 12 weeks of my career. There were a lot of tears. There was a lot of unknowns I had to just face, and do. There was a lot of faking it, and a lot of questions I hated asking for fear of ‘sounding stupid’ (one of my biggest fears). There was a LOT of travel. There was a shitton of discomfort.

But most of all?

There was a shitton of growth too. I took this job in January 2011 with a hunger to grow, to be pushed, to learn what it is that I want out of this career move, what I want my job to look like. And looking back at the last almost year and a half? I have come incredibly far. I won’t mince words or half-say it. I conquered it. And I am damn proud of that.

But.

There is still so much I need and want to learn. So much more growth. More discomfort (it IS the year of getting out of the ‘zone after all) and reaching the next level. I’ve sensed that change starting. The ‘what am I waiting for’ feeling…just start doing it. Don’t wait for permission. Don’t even ask for it. Just DO it. That’s why I was hired. And that’s why I took it upon myself to request attending two social media events coming up (which I cannot wait to go to!) and why I am trying to approach my day-to-day with more confidence and direction. Not waiting for permission or for the answer to be given to me.

And I think this idea – the premise of unseating comfort zones and *not* waiting for permission can be applied to so much in life. What, precisely, *are* we waiting for? And why are we waiting? Think about it. There is always something ‘on our bucket lists’ or something we want to do ‘when we have time’ but why wait? Why not make it a priority and just for it. Empower yourself. Don’t wait to be empowered.

And that is exactly what I plan to do. No more panic attacks. Just do it.